Monkey #2

Well, if you haven't heard by now or if you haven't seen my expanding belly lately, allow me to proudly announce that we're expecting baby #2 this October.

Yes, we're very excited.

No, we don't know we're having yet.

And yes, Kaylin knows. We told her very early, possibly too early. Now she has to wait and wait. Not that she really cares. She really has no concept of what it means to have a sibling, so why should she. But she does tell people from time to time that she's going to be a big sister. Her exact words are: "I'm going to be a big sister and teach the baby to be a monkey, ooh ooh aaah ahh!"

So get your bananas ready. Monkey #2 is coming!

Our big girl

Kaylin put her own sock on today. I kid you not, it was really exciting. It's just one in a long line of thrilling things our "big girl" has been doing lately. Here are a few more, just to give you a sense:

• She does up the buckles in her carseat by herself. It takes about 5 minutes and makes us late wherever we go, but she does it herself.
  
• She's been using the potty intermittently and even goes into the bathroom on her own, shutting the door behind her, telling me she's going to do it herself.
  
• She's sitting on a normal kitchen chair--no more booster seat!
• She put her own toothpaste on her toothbrush today.
• She can "read" me a few of her books from front to back completely from memory! That one amazes me.
• She calls us "mom" and "dad". She also calls us "guys," which is the funniest thing ever.
• She can ride her tricycle a bit. It's going to take more practice, but her first time out this spring was a big success.
• She tells us all the time that she's a "big girl" and she can do things all by herself.

Of course, it's all bittersweet. You never want your child to stop being your little baby. You want them to stay small, and sweet and completely hugable. In fact, I tell Kaylin to stop growing all the time. But like any two year old, she never listens!

Where did the last month disappear to?

Brian has been badgering me to update this Blog, but as usual, I feel like I have nothing new to report. In fact, I have even less to report because I have been sick for a few weeks and am only now coming out of the fog. I feel like a lost an entire month. Well, actually, I kind of did.

What started as a dry, irritated throat turned into an awful throat infection and fever which then turned in an evil head cold that finally developed into a nasty cough. It's probably the sickest I've been in years. But the worst part about being so sick wasn't the actual sickness. I could take pain relievers and suck on cough drops or eat popsicles to help my symptoms. No, the worst part was that I still had to be a mom while I was also sick.

I had no energy to play or go outside, so for days on end poor Kaylin spent a lot of time either playing by herself or watching cartoons--which I'm sure she didn't mind at all. Snacks were not so much carefully planned and executed healthy combinations of carb/protein/fruit but often a handful of Goldfish crackers tossed in a bowl. That's all I could muster most days before flopping myself back onto the couch to watch more Dora.

The dishes piled up until Brian got home each night, groceries ran low until Brian stopped off at the store, and laundry formed a dangerously high mound until Brian tripped over it and finally tossed a load into the washing machine. And as much as that sounds like a vacation for me, it was hell. I hate mess and clutter. But I was willing to accept it for a while if it meant I could remain slumped in the armchair a little longer each day.

That being said, spring is here! Yes, there's still snow on the ground but the sunshine is feeling warmer and Kaylin and I are finally venturing out into the real world. And although she loved watching all her favourite cartoons over the past few weeks, I think she's even happier that her dance partner, book-reader and playmate is back.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times

As some of you may know, Brian and I were fortunate enough to join several of his coworkers and their significant others on a fantastic five-day trip to Las Vegas this month. We've been to Vegas before, but a vacation is just that much sweeter when your children are not with you and someone else is footing the bill. It truly was a wonderful and much-needed break for both of us. (That's a photo of our hotel, in case you were wondering what life looks like when someone else foots the bill.)

Of course, with the yin comes the yang. We returned from five glorious and sunny days to the largest, most foreboding storm cloud you've ever seen: our sick and cranky toddler. Maybe it's just the juxtaposition of carefree and child-free luxury against the humbling and depressing normalcy of wiping toddler snot every five minutes, but last week was a real low point for me.

It wasn't even the snot. Snot is no biggie. I can handle snot or anything else a toddler body can spew at me. (And I did handle other spewings, trust me.) It was the whining, clinginess and tantrums that just about did me in. Oh the tantrums. Our record was five in one day.

Though it was just a few days ago, I look back on the whole experience like I do childbirth; I've miraculously managed to block out the pain. All I can recall at this point is flustered haze of tears and stomping feet...and that was just me!

Either way, it looks like the worst is over. Kaylin is feeling better and somewhat reassured that mommy and daddy won't be leaving her for another long vacation anytime soon. And I am battered and bruised, but happy to have my smiling girl back with me. I wouldn't trade that gorgeous smile for all the winning slot machines in Vegas.

I missed it!

It was straight out of some TV sitcom. Kaylin used her potty for the very first time since we bought the potty 10 months ago...and mommy missed the big event by 30 seconds!

It was another normal night here at the House of Kaylin. Just before bath time, she stripped down to what she calls her "nudie bum" and ran around like a madwoman. We finally corralled her into the bathroom and, as she does most nights, Kaylin enjoyed a little story time while sitting on her potty. I left her and Brian for one measly minute (to use "the potty" myself), only to come back to excitement and cheers from behind the bathroom door. "What happened?" I queried. "She peed!" Brian exclaimed.

But, but, I just went down the hall for a second! But, I've been waiting months and months for this moment! But I've read her all the necessary books about Elmo using his potty and how Ernie doesn't use diapers anymore and even a book that lets you flush Grover's pee down a little toilet! But, but....I missed it!

OK, the fact is, I know that I will get to see Kaylin use her potty more times than I care to imagine over the next few years. So it's ok that I missed the first time. And I'm happy that daddy got to enjoy a big "first" this time. It was pretty exciting for him. I've been witness to many miraculous firsts so the least Kaylin could do was save a few for daddy.

Now, if we could just get her to do it again...

I need 86% more photo albums

This past Christmas, Brian and I limited the amount we spent on each other and instead invested in a digital SLR camera. Though you can't conveniently pop it into your coat pocket like a point-and-shoot, the SLR takes some damn fine shots. My crappy photography skills are greatly improved and the number of shots of a blurry, moved-too-quickly-for-the-camera Kaylin are reduced to almost nil.

Here are a few recent shots of our curly-haired cutie (mostly because I don't have anything to write about these days, but also because you probably need a good hit of Kaylin right about now).

A bowl full of cherries

While at the grocery store yesterday, Kaylin and I picked up some cherries, one of her favourite fruits. So it was no surprise that she requested the same cherries for her afternoon snack. Well, that turned into one of most fun snack times I've experienced in a while.

I pulled a chair up to the sink so that Kaylin could stand and help wash the cherries. What a great washer she is! She picked up each little cherry by the stem and held it under the running water. Then she carefully put each one in a bowl, while I started to halve them and remove the pits.

But half-cherries are no fun of course. So Kaylin dove on the whole cherries. As she bit each cherry, dark red juice dripped down her chin and all over her white shirt. This would normally send me into a panic. "Stop! That's going to stain!" But on this day, I could care less. All I felt was pure joy watching my little girl's face light up with each dripping bite of cherry.

And now I know why they say "life is a bowl full of cherries."

K's Top Five of 2007

As you may recall, I mentioned in one of my previous posts (this one actually) that I am generally not fond of uneven years. So you can imagine my relief that 2007 is almost over. Not that it was a bad year. It was a stressful year. We sold our house and moved to a new city. I quit my job. Brian wondered, very early in the year at least, whether he had made a good move to his new job. But all that stress is behind us now. Life is great and I, for one, am looking forward to even more good times in 2008.

This is traditionally where a "look back at 2007" would go. But Brian suggested I do something different. So to spare you any sappy mommy-memories , I present...

Kaylin's Top Five Albums of 2007 (aka "What Kaylin demands we listen to when we drive around in the car"):











5. Raffi, Singable Songs for the Very Young
There was about a week in March where the only song Kaylin wanted to hear was "Aikendrum". And you know what? I was ok with that. Also, this was the CD that taught Kaylin the words to "Down by the Bay" which she continues to butcher to this day.












4. Regina Spektor, Begin to Hope
Kaylin calls this one "A-ha", as in, "I want to listen to A-ha Daddy!". You have to listen to the first track, Fidelity, to know why. Let's just say that it's cute when she says that and move on.












3. Raffi, The Corner Grocery Store
Even more Raffi! If it weren't for his version of "Frere Jacques" lulling a screaming, tantrumming toddler to sleep on more than one occasion, I think I might have gone back to work about eight months ago.












2. Tegan and Sara, The Con
Probably the first non-children's CD that Kaylin "let" me listen to in the car. After one listen she actually started requesting it. But all she knew was that some girls were singing. So, to this day, she asks for "The Girls". I'm always happy to oblige a request for The Girls.












1. Jack Johnson, Sing-A-Longs and Lullabies for the film Curious George
We've been playing this CD for Kaylin long before she ever saw Curious George. But I think her love for the music was solidified once she watched the movie. Now she connects the two and never fails to tell me, while track 1 is playing, that Georgie is sad and he needs a soother to feel better. (She, of course, is referring to the film's moving opening where George is sad about being alone.)


Brian and I love music. So to know that we're helping to inspire a similar love in our little girl is pretty great. To quote a line from Jack Johnson, "This is how it's supposed to be."

Happy New Year everyone! See you in 2008.

Fa la la la la

I'm not sure, but I think I had my first real taste of what it means to be a parent at Christmas time.

I had decided to buy Kaylin a babydoll set (doll, stroller, basinet, etc.) for Christmas and spent many trips to the toy aisle staring hopelessly at the assortment of dolls available. Some cried, some had blinking eyes, some wet themselves (no thanks, I have a real one already). Finally, I had found the exact one I wanted in the Canadian Tire flyer. But between Brian's recent late nights at work and the end of the Canadian Tire sale, I only had a tiny window of time when I could go and buy the doll. So I rushed out on a cold, slippery night to get it.

When I got to the store, there were only a few dolls left. But I only needed one. I grabbed the least banged-up box there and walked triumphantly to the checkout, beaming as I imagined my little girl's face as she ripped the wrapping paper off the box on Christmas morning. And as I strolled out to my car, freezing rain beating down on me and my new purchase...well, the only way I can describe it is to say it was just like that scene from The Grinch. I think my heart grew three sizes that day.

Now I understand why millions of parents stand in long department store lines, fight and struggle with other parents over Cabbage Patch Kids and Nintendo Wii's, and spend more than they can afford just so they can have that special present for their child under the Christmas tree. (Note: I do not condone the last two actions!)

Merry Christmas everyone! Wishing you short checkout lines and fight-free purchases.

Advice from a semi-pro*

Our neighbours are expecting twins in the new year and to celebrate this we and a few other neighbours surprised them with a baby shower today. It was a wonderful co-ed shower, where conversation topics ranged from sports pools to nipple cream. There were no shower games--unless you count the poker game--but there was lots of eating, drinking and chatting and really, what else do you need?

What we didn't get a chance to do (at least those of us who already have kids) is impart to the parents-to-be some sage advice about raising children. So I'll do it now. Because let's face it, I have one 2 year old. I obviously know everything there is to know about kids! OK, the fact that Kaylin rarely eats vegetables and watches far too much TV may demonstrate otherwise. But too bad. R&J, if you're reading this, here are some things you should know.

1. As everyone will tell you, sleep when the babies sleep...oh wait, you're having twins. Who knows if they'll ever sleep at the same time. OK, nevermind that one.

2. For the first few weeks, when you're both too tired and overwhelmed to even make toast, don't let anyone through your front door unless they have food in their hands. Actually, this should be a rule for everyone, babies or no babies.

3. Newborns are comforted by noises that resemble the loud shushhhhhing of the womb, such as radio static or blow dryers. Running a blow dryer near your baby will help it fall asleep. Pointing a running blow dryer at your baby will not.

4. Breastfeeding a baby burns a lot of calories so you make sure you have lots of high-colorie snacks on hand. Breastfeeding twins may even require a regular diet of McDonald's fries and KFC gravy for the first few months.

5. Your babies will change everything, but only for the better.

Congratulations R&J! We can't wait to meet the babies when the time finally arrives.

*Alright, just some useless suggestions from an often-confused mom

Living with NO

Welcome! Welcome to the world of NO! where every question posed to your toddler is answered with a resounding NO! Do you want supper? NO! Do you want to wear your hat outside? NO! It's a lovely little stage of development we like to call "The Terrible Twos."

Alright, it's not that bad. Well, actually, some days it is. The Terrible Twos have arrived at our house and I, for one, am ready to pack their bags back up and send them on their merry way. They crept into our house slowly, starting with a tiny tantrum here, a few uncalled-for tears there. Then, one day, the word NO came out flying out of Kaylin's mouth. It flew right out, shot across the room and landed behind the sofa. And we haven't been able to catch it since.

At first, we didn't mind living with NO--this little word allowed Kaylin a little more control over her world. We initially saw this as a good thing.

"Would you like carrots in your mac and cheese?"
"NO, I don't want carrots mommy."

Fine. I can live with no carrots.

But this past week, NO has grown into this horrible monster who stands next to Kaylin all day long and lunges at Brian and I when we ask the most innocent of questions.

"Do you want to colour a picture with me?"
"NOOOOOOOO! I don't want to colour a picture!"

"Can I change your diaper?"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Don't touch my diaper!!"

"Will you please wear your coat in the sub-zero weather?"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! I don't want to wear my coat!!!"

Sigh. What are you gonna do? NO has the upper hand right now. Starting a fight with NO just results in a lot of tears, crayons strewn across the floor, and exhaustion on all fronts.

All we can do is hope that NO gets bored and decides to move on. Until then, if you see Kaylin outside with no coat on and a very wet diaper, don't blame me. Blame NO.

This is your toddler on drugs

In response to my "woe-is-me" post last month, my wonderful friend Jo invited me to her lovely Toronto home for a weekend of toddler-less fun. And let me tell you, it was pretty fun. We shopped in stores filled with breakables, we sat in a coffee shop and chatted about grown-up things, we ate dinner in front of the TV and we even went to a late movie (where I found the energy, I'll never know). To top it all off, I didn't roll out of bed until 10:30. It was a little slice of heaven. (Thanks again Jo and Rich!)

But as great as those blessed few hours were, I still missed my little gnome back home. I made it back just in time on Sunday night to spend a few cuddly moments with Kaylin in her rocking chair. By Monday morning, she and I had a lot of catching up to do. While I didn't think she'd care to know much about my weekend, she obviously had lots to tell me about hers. Now, in general, Kaylin talks a lot. But I have never heard her talk so much in her life! The funniest part was, very little of it made sense. I fear someone slipped something into her Rice Krispies. You be the judge. Here are a few examples of what I heard that morning:

• "I'm a crab. Look at me shake my body!"
• "I have a hummingbird in my nose; daddy has a dinosaur in his nose."
• "I said hi to the moon."
• "I see stars --red, green, blue, yellow..."
• "I need to help the baby with scissors. Snap snap snap snap."
• "Remember the bee, went up in the sky to get honey??" [This is Kaylin's way of referring to The Bee Movie, which she saw with B the weekend before.]

Perhaps her Krispies were clean after all. (Can't say yet, the drug test is still out at the lab.) But I like to think that our little mouse just has a very vivid imagination.

Noah...er, Nemo the Loot Bag

We're proud to announce the arrival of our newest family member, Nemo (a.k.a. Noah--see explanation below) the fish. Nemo was Kaylin's "loot bag," the take-home gift she received for attending her cousin Besmah's baptism. I have to say, it's the most interesting loot bag I've ever seen.

When we got home from the baptism, we asked K what she wanted to name her new fish. Well, we had a bit of communication breakdown, it seems. Kaylin is very much my daughter in that she often speaks softly and mumbles her words. And oh yeah, she's only two. So when she named her fish, I could have sworn she said "Noah." I was so pleased. What a great and original name for a fish and how smart for a two-year-old to come up with Noah! Gee my kid is great.

But as the days passed, Kaylin began correcting me when I called the fish Noah. And yet other times, she would also refer to him as Noah. Well, she straightened me out today when she exclaimed over lunch, "No mommy, that fish s'not Noah, that's Nemo!" And she was mad about it too.

I stand corrected.

Candy!

What do you do when you spend $30 on an adorable Halloween costume for your toddler? Well, you go trick-or-treating to ONE house, of course!

Last night was Kaylin's first taste of trick-or-treating. Unfortunately, she slept through her first two Halloweens. Her first year, she dozed in her snuggly chicken costume while daddy carried her around the neighbourhood. And last year she was so worn out from a fun day at daycare that she was asleep before we could take her out. Even so, she wasn't old enough to understand the rituals of Halloween or to eat candy.

This year, she was old enough to know that it was a special night. We started the evening at Grandma's house so that Brian could hand out comic books (and promote his biz) to a larger "audience" of kids. (According to our neighbours, only 10 or so kids came to our end of the street.) But when asked if she wanted to put on her costume and go out, Kaylin replied that she wanted to watch TV. This was just fine with us. It was too cold and windy last night anyway.

When we got home from Grandma's, we were able to convince Kaylin to put on her lion costume and knock on our neighbour's door. It was her first and only stop, but it was great one! She was so thrilled the get candy in her pumpkin-bucket. Candy! she exclaimed. She couldn't get over it. With the wind whipping at her mane, our little lion headed back home, dumped out her bucket (she scored five little chocolate bars from one house - thanks guys!!) and counted each piece. She was one happy lion. It was the best Halloween I've had in a long time.

Gastump saves the day and where did our babies go?

For the first time since we moved in March, Brian and I visited our old stomping grounds this weekend and had a fantastic time catching up with some family, as well as some old friends. While we really miss everyone in the Ajax/Whitby area (well, not everyone, just the people we know there), we were quickly reminded of one of the major reasons we left the area -- the traffic!

Our first stop was to Kaylin's old daycare, where we were expecting a joyful surprise reunion with her favourite former teachers Debbie and Jen. Well, Jen just happened to be sick that day and Debbie...well, Debbie no longer works there! (Debbie, were you sick of the traffic too?!) So sorry we missed you.

Next we visited our friends and former neighbours, Jay and Jill, at their beautiful new house. Brian received some helpful tips on electrical wiring while Kaylin showed Jill and I how to decorate a coffee table with rocks and candles. Then the three of us hightailed it out of there before we could help clean up the dinner dishes. Thanks for a great visit guys! Please visit us soon.

We spent the weekend at Uncle Dennis and Auntie Tina's house in Brooklin where Kaylin was reunited with her favourite fluffy cousin, Gaston the kitten (or, "Gastump" as K calls him). All I have to say is thank goodness for Gastump. Kaylin had so much fun playing with him and all his toys that she slept really, really well...and I got my first nine solid hours of sleep in months, maybe years! Yayyyy Gastump!! If I weren't allergic to you I'd kiss you all over. Thanks for being such wonderful hosts D&T. We have an opened, partially-eaten bag of "hot cereal" for you as a thank-you gift!!

Before we headed back to London we spent some time with Kaylin's "first friends," Tasha and Nika. The three girls were all born within six weeks of each other (Kaylin and Tasha were actually due on the same day) and their moms and I spent many an afternoon chatting about motherhood, celebrating baby milestones, and marvelling at how quickly our little girls were growing. It's only been eight months since we last saw Tasha and Nika, but I can't get over how grown up our little ladies have become! Let's just say each toddler has developed a mind of her own. It's was wonderful seeing all of you again and we hope we can set up another playdate in the very near future!

Here are pictures of our girls then...and now. (They're a little squirmier now)

What about me?

Just before our weekly yoga class was about to begin, my friend asked me when was the last time I went away without Brian and Kaylin. When was the last time I got away by myself? I couldn't give her an answer off the top of my head.

I spent the first half of that yoga class trying to remember a time I went away for a night and left Brian alone with Kaylin. There must be at least one time! This was really breaking my concentration; my downward dog was getting sloppy. Think, think, think. Aha! I remember, there was that weekend in Montreal with my three girlfriends...oh wait, I was 6 months pregnant at the time. Hmmmm, nothing else is really coming to mind.

OK, so I guess I haven't been away by myself in some time. That's not good, is it?

I spent the last half of that yoga class dreaming of where I could go for a little "me time." Would I hop a plane to some warm climate and sip fruity daiquiris on the beach? Well, that's a little out of my time- and price-range. Maybe a night visiting friends in another city? That could be fun, but they're all so busy with their own lives. Perhaps a weekend at my parents' house, cleaning out my childhood bedroom and eating (a lot of) my mom's delicious cooking? That might work.

Wherever I decide to go, I just know that it's time. It's time for me. I need to be able to hear myself think. I need to not plan my day around nap schedules and snack time. I need to sit down for a meal before the meal starts, not after everyone else has what they need and are already eating. I need to be selfish. I need to feel like me again.

Whatever I decide to do, just know that there will be NO diapers in my purse, there will be NO Raffi playing on my car's CD player, and there will be LOTS of sleeping on my part. It's going to be good.

Being thankful

After being in London for just over seven months now, I can say without hesitation that moving here was probably THE best decision Brian and I have ever made in our lives. Just this past week, the stars seemed to be aligning. Everything is going so well for us right now, knock on wood, that I’m actually a bit giddy about our future. Giddy!

Brian’s really found his niche at work; he is inspired and confident. And he gets good bonuses. Yayy for bonuses. We can afford to pay our property taxes!

As for me, well, where do I start? Staying at home with Kaylin is such a treat. She’s really into having living room picnics right now. Twice a day we sit together at a 16 square inch doll blanket (sometimes with a stuffed monkey named Ralph, sometimes not), eat raisins and pretend to drink from plastic cups. Need I say more?

And, with Kaylin as my excuse, I’ve developed some wonderful friendships with some amazing women. They are moms who, like me, are just trying to “keep their shit together”. No supermoms here. We get together at least once a week and vent about life. And we drink a lot of coffee while our children yank toys out of each other’s hands. Play dates really are excellent therapy.

To top it all off, I just got my first gig doing some volunteer writing and editing for a local parenting magazine. My plan to become a freelance copy editor is taking shape quite nicely. (I’ll let you know more about this after I get a few assignments under my belt.)

Add to this some great neighbours, wonderful family - most of whom are even closer, and the fact that it’s autumn, my favourite time of year. Well, as I said to Brian tonight, I’m very happy.

Tales from the crib

Kaylin is getting her “big girl bed” today! So exciting to watch my daughter move from her baby crib to her toddler twin! Maybe she’ll be one of those kids I always hear about who don’t even know they can get out of their bed without mommy or daddy. This is going to be great!

4pm: I showed Kaylin her newly-delivered bed and let her jump on the mattress, hoping she will get excited about the concept of her big bed. Yayy, big girl bed!

6:30pm: We had “big girl bed day” cupcakes to celebrate the special occasion. Sweet and delicious.

7:30pm: Hmmm, maybe not such a good idea to fuel the toddler with sugar before bedtime.

7:40pm: Brian dismantles the crib and we wave “goodbye” to it. Kaylin doesn’t seem to mind that her crib is out of the room. Gee, she’s so easy going.

7:45pm: The new bed is set up! Hmmm, also maybe not a good idea to encourage the toddler to jump on her bed. She seems to think it’s a trampoline. Oh well, I’m sure she’ll figure it out.

7:50pm: I let Kaylin pick the sheets for her new bed. She picks the all pink ones. Well, not the ones I would have chosen, but, what the heck, she’s a big girl now!

8pm: Put Kaylin to bed. She’s not asleep yet, but she looks pretty drowsy. I’m sure it will be a matter of minutes.

8:01pm: Kaylin ran out of her room. Ha ha, isn’t that cute? She’s so grown up! I gently escort her back to bed.

8:01:45pm: Kaylin ran out of her room again. Hmmmm, this isn’t going as well as I had hoped. I give her a serious gaze and escort her back to her bed.

8:03pm: Kaylin came out of her room and asks me to rock her in the rocking chair. Hmm, well, I guess I can do that. I do like rocking her. Ok!

8:10pm: I rock her for a few minutes and lie her in the bed. She looks like she’s going to go to sleep. That wasn’t too bad, but I mustn’t rock her tomorrow! Must help her to sleep on her own. Must must must!

8:11pm: Kaylin came out of her room. Gee, I sure would like to go watch some TV. The Fall line-up’s starting, you know. I sternly say, “Back to bed Kaylin!” and watch her jump into bed. Good, she’s starting to get the idea.

8:15pm: Kaylin comes out of her room. Sigghhhh, this isn’t fun at all. I’m starting to miss the crib already. We really shouldn’t have had those cupcakes. I escort her back to bed.

8:19pm: Kaylin stands at her door, calling for me. This really isn’t going well. I’m desperate. I offer to lie in bed with her for a few minutes, just to help her get settled. I won’t do this every night, just tonight. Hmmm, these pink sheets are really soft. Oh, and this is a great pillow. I should buy one for myself. Maybe it will help if I pretend to go to sleep. Yeah, that should work. I’ll just close my eyes for a sec......zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

There are no words

I've been in a bit of a slump lately, feeling sorry for myself and complaining about my "oh-so-tiring" existence as a stay-at-home mother. Just see my last post for a refresher.

Well, I quickly snapped out of it this weekend after reading a short news article in the Toronto Star. We've all read about them before..."mother charged with abuse after child brought to hospital with two broken ribs..." or "father charged with assault after infant found with bruises on back..." Unspeakable things happen to tiny children every day. It breaks my hearts, as I'm sure it does yours. I don't normally read these articles. I'd rather not know that all this is happening outside my front door.

But this weekend I read one. I read the whole article. And by the end I was sobbing. To sum it up for you, a mother came home to find her two-year old daughter sitting up in bed and crying, her face scalded by hot water to the point that her eyelids were sollen shut and large sores were forming, while the girl's father sat in the living room watching TV.

The man claimed it was an accident. He argued that he didn't have any money to take the little girl to the hospital in a cab. So, instead, he watched TV while this innocent little girl sat alone in her bedroom, crying, burning, wondering what she had done to deserve such a fate and knowing that she couldn't find any sympathy or love in the man who sat out in the living room. This tiny toddler stayed in her little bed, in pain, for hours, until her mommy came home and took her to the hospital. I cannot fathom how someone can hurt a small child and leave them to suffer just steps away. Even worse, I can't even begin to imagine what deep sadness that child must have felt, knowing that her own father wouldn't do anything to help her. I hope I never come close to experiencing such an emotion.

I read this and all I wanted to do was wake Kaylin up from her nap and hug her and tell her I love and tell her that her mommy and daddy will never, ever let something like this happen to her.

I also felt a renewed joy in being a mother. I have the energy, the will, and the resources to give my child a wonderful life. How lucky am I? So many parents don't and so they lash out the only people they know can't fight back - their children.

I guess I just want to sa that I'm in a particularly thankful spirit right now. I'm "snapping out" of my tired-mom mood and I'm going to keep trying to be the best mom I can be. Because that's what every child deserves, especially my own.

At least I'm not alone

It's 2pm on a Thursday afternoon and I'm frustrated, tired and annoyed. It's one of those days where I wish I worked outside of the home just so I could get a coffee break. It's Kaylin's nap time but she has been bouncing around in her crib for over 40 minutes now. Meanwhile, I'm in the next room losing my mind.

Yes, staying at home with Kaylin has its definite advantages. I don't miss a single moment of her day. I get to do all sorts of fun and interesting things with her. We sometimes hang out in our PJs until 10am. And I can get a hug and a kiss from her any time I want. I really do love it.

But, as I explained to Brian the other day, being a stay-at-home mom is like any job. There are days that you love your job and days that you want to quit.

And when someone's been "on the job" for hours on end without any time to stop and have a break, it's not unreasonable for that person to get tired, cranky and irritated--if not a bit irrational--when things aren't goint well. I mean, we've all cursed at the office printer for refusing to print that overdue report, haven't we? So it's completely normal that I might get a little short with my toddler when she exerts her own will and refuses to sleep. Right?

I used to think I was a bad mom because I sometimes got frustrated with Kaylin. But I was relieved and, to be honest, thrilled to find out that the other moms in our playgroup have all felt the same way! Who knew?

That's why I look sooooo forward to getting together with other moms on a regular basis. It's comforting to open your front door to find that same tired, "I-hardly-slept-last-night" look in someone else's eyes. It's nice knowing that you're not alone in the sometimes-scary world of child-rearing. And it can be scary, let me tell you!

Well, it's been almost a full hour of crib-bouncing. I think I've lost my coffee break today. I'd better go spring the toddler from her "prison" so we can carry on with our day. Maybe I'll get that break tomorrow. Maybe not.