Advice from a semi-pro*

Our neighbours are expecting twins in the new year and to celebrate this we and a few other neighbours surprised them with a baby shower today. It was a wonderful co-ed shower, where conversation topics ranged from sports pools to nipple cream. There were no shower games--unless you count the poker game--but there was lots of eating, drinking and chatting and really, what else do you need?

What we didn't get a chance to do (at least those of us who already have kids) is impart to the parents-to-be some sage advice about raising children. So I'll do it now. Because let's face it, I have one 2 year old. I obviously know everything there is to know about kids! OK, the fact that Kaylin rarely eats vegetables and watches far too much TV may demonstrate otherwise. But too bad. R&J, if you're reading this, here are some things you should know.

1. As everyone will tell you, sleep when the babies sleep...oh wait, you're having twins. Who knows if they'll ever sleep at the same time. OK, nevermind that one.

2. For the first few weeks, when you're both too tired and overwhelmed to even make toast, don't let anyone through your front door unless they have food in their hands. Actually, this should be a rule for everyone, babies or no babies.

3. Newborns are comforted by noises that resemble the loud shushhhhhing of the womb, such as radio static or blow dryers. Running a blow dryer near your baby will help it fall asleep. Pointing a running blow dryer at your baby will not.

4. Breastfeeding a baby burns a lot of calories so you make sure you have lots of high-colorie snacks on hand. Breastfeeding twins may even require a regular diet of McDonald's fries and KFC gravy for the first few months.

5. Your babies will change everything, but only for the better.

Congratulations R&J! We can't wait to meet the babies when the time finally arrives.

*Alright, just some useless suggestions from an often-confused mom