Happy 18 months Kay Kay!

Our little beauty is 18 months old today. Happy 1/2 birthday Kay Kay! Love mommy

Give your babies a hug

All joking aside, I will admit that I've been a little freaked out about the idea of being a full-time mom. Those six months of being back at work reminded me of what life was like before I was completely and permanently responsible for another human being. Those eight hours each day were free and wonderful, I have to say.

So when I thought about the months and years ahead of me, I started to wonder, can I and do I really want to do this?

Today I read something that brought everything back into focus for me and helped me answer my questions with a loud and resounding YES!!!

The article is in today's Toronto Star--the story of a woman my age, a young mother of two little children, who died of cancer. She was diagnosed when her second baby was only four months old and despite months of treatment, the cancer continued to spread. She died on January 28th.

I can't even put into words how the article made me feel. It struck fear into my heart and made my stomach wrench at the thought of something like that happening to me. And it's not about me but about my baby girl and how she would lose her mama. How she'd grow up not knowing the real me - only pictures or video of a woman named "mommy".

So I read this article, looked up at Kaylin and the fog that's been around my head for the past month lifted. I realized that I was being stupid. Life is too damn short. Here's a wonderful chance that not every mother gets. This IS what I want to do. No more joking about how tough it's going to be. No more taking for granted the most fortunate opportunity life has ever handed me. Of course there will be long days, tiring days, boring days and sick days. But they will all be Kaylin days. Who knows how many I will be given.

Job...what job??

Brian tells me I need to post something, since it's been a week now. Alright then, let me just say this...job, what job?

It certainly didn't take me long to forget work and get back into the swing of things here at home. My last day of work was 12 days ago and I've been an official "stay-at-home mom" for 8 days. I'll admit, there have been a few moments where I've thought to myself, "What have I done? And how can Kaylin shriek so loudly?" And then there's the money, or soon to be no money. I got my last paycheck today, as well as five weeks worth of vacation paid out. Sighhh, so much money....

But who needs it! I have hours and hours of Kaylin all to myself! She is just a riot. The funniest thing has to be the pillows. I've laid out about 9 pillows on our bedroom floor. Kaylin loves to run and fling herself onto them, at full speed, falling face-first right into the middle. Makes me laugh every time.

And then there's the colours. She's starting to learn her colours; she sort-of knows blue, purple (per-po) and pink. But what's funny is that she's heard us say the phrase "what colour is this?" so many times that she now constantly points at things and asks us "colour dis? colour dis?" We can't get enough of it.

And finally, the Backyardigans. If you've seen the cartoon, the five characters spin around in a circle while singing the theme song. Now whenever Kaylin sees the show or even sees a picture of the characters, she starts spinning around and singing her own version of the theme. Too funny.

So, while it's hard when Kaylin doesn't eat her beans or screams because I won't let her eat her crayons, it is really really great to be able to spend more time with her and see the world through her per-po coloured lenses.

We'll miss you daycare

Six months ago, I started transitioning Kaylin into daycare. On our second day there together, I watched as another woman pushed my baby girl in a stroller, away from me, and into a world where I wasn't needed. I lost it. I turned away so Kaylin wouldn't see me and shook with grief, unsure if I could handle leaving my baby with someone else during the day. I cried for the next hour as each of Kaylin's new daycare teachers consoled me and handed me tissues, assuring me they would take excellent care of my baby.

Today was Kaylin's last day at daycare and I cried again. But for different reasons. As difficult as the past few months have been - getting Kaylin used to daycare, all the sickness that comes with being exposed to so many new kids, leaving her all day - we were fortunate enough to find an amazing daycare. Kaylin learned a lot while there, and most importantly, had so much fun (as you can see here, dancing with her best friend Taylor).

Which made today that much more difficult. It should have been a happy day for me. But I was sad. Sad that Kaylin wouldn't see her teachers and little friends again. The hardest part was saying goodbye to Debbie, one of her teachers and a woman who probably loves Kaylin as much as I do (well, almost).

Each night when I picked Kaylin up, Debbie told me funny stories about that day, often letting me know that Kaylin was "too smart for her own good." Nothing makes a parent feel better than knowing how much others enjoy their child's company.

Kaylin had a grand farewell party today, complete with cake and gifts. But it was tough saying good-bye. Debbie could barely look at Kaylin today without tearing up. And I could barely look at Deb. But finally, at the end of the day, Deb and I hugged good-bye and cried together. We'll miss Debbie and everyone else at daycare.

Welcome Emelia [or: Oh how my maternal clock ticks...]

First of all, welcome to the world Emelia Lorraine Teeter! You are so beautiful and so lucky to have such wonderful parents. We can't wait to meet you and touch your tiny baby toes.

Now, down to business. How could you do it? I was doing fine up till this point. I was happy with the way things are. And then you came along, looking oh so cute in your teeny yellow sleeper, all peaceful and pink. There you are, in your itsy bitsy pink cap. Emelia, you've got my clock a tickin' again! Just seeing you in the pictures from your parents' site brings back a flood of memories from when Kaylin was born. You've reminded me how amazing it is to give birth to such a perfect little wonder. Emelia, you're makin' me want another baby...now!

Sigh, I'm sure it will pass. First things first...must pack every article we own and move it down the 401. And then maybe I'll start thinking about a sibling for Kaylin. But I'm warning you, when we meet in the next few weeks, I don't want to hear any baby coos from you or see you flash your big, deep blue eyes at me! That's just not fair. Not fair at all.

Goodnight cubicle, goodnight desk...

Tomorrow is my last day of full-time, "out of the home", work. Not forever, I'm sure. But for a while.

After tomorrow, I'm going to be a full-time mom. I'll admit, my feelings about this change from hour to hour. Naturally, I'm really excited to be able to spend my days with Kaylin, watching her grow and helping her to learn about the world. What better job is there than to spend these early years with your child? I also feel really lucky to have such a supportive husband who is willing to carry the financial weight while I manage the household. Thankfully, we're on the same page when it comes to how we want to raise our children. And my plan is to get into freelance work that I can do from home. So I'm really leaving the working world so much as leaving the traditional work place.

But a part of me is going to miss going to work and that independence I have when I'm there. Going window shopping at lunchtime, grabbing a coffee with a coworker, eating out. Yes, I can do all these things with Kaylin, but not necessarily on my schedule or with the freedom I can when I'm on my own. I won't even mention going to the bathroom on my own.

I'm also fearful that I'll forget "how" to work. Sounds silly, but who knows what things will be like when I return to the working world in a few years. Technology moves at such a pace that email could be obsolete by then! Will I forget how to interview for a job? How will employers perceive the gap in my resume?

I think I'm just feeling wistful about my last days on the job. I'm going to miss the work I do and all the people I do it with. It's been a great six and a half years. But I know that, for me and my family, there is no better option than for me to be home with Kaylin. It is going to be amazing. And by this time next week I'm sure I'll be thinking, "job? What job?"

Going once, going twice....SOLD!

I'm thrilled to announce (at the risk of jinxing a conditional offer) that our house sold last Friday. Yiipppeee!!! The closing date on this house is March 16, which gives Kaylin enough time to pack up the entire house while I sit on the sofa eating bon-bons and watching Ellen. You're never too young to learn to use a tape gun, I say.

And oh yeah, I only have 7 more days of working for the man left! Then I'll be working for the toddler. I cannot wait. Duties will include taming that friggin' hair on an hourly basis, picking peas up off the kitchen floor, and convincing the toddler that watching the Baby Beethoven DVD for a 16th time is not a good idea. The benefits are good though (including frequent hugs and full access to ten tiny toes), so I don't mind.

First (official) snow

"Poo poo" and other fine phrases

How friggin' handy is language? Kaylin now tells us when she's done a number 2! It's awesome. Not that we couldn't detect the offending delivery with our noses or help but notice what looks like a golf ball shoved down the back of her diaper, but now she comes up to us and announces in a soft whisper: "poo poo". I can't get enough of it (the speaking that is, not the poo poo.)

Other handy words and phrases recently added to her repertoire include "pee pee" (sometimes used similarly to above, but more often to name the toilet), "cole" (which means cold), and "no no no no no", which is always accompanied by a hearty shake of the head back and forth.

My favourite word of all right now is "ter-to", meaning turtle. She says a lot of her words in soft little whispers, but "ter-to" is the best. Try it - quietly whisper "ter-to" to yourself as you read this. Ter-to... ter-to... ter-to. Isn't that fantastic?!?

OK, I guess it's not as exciting for the rest of the world. But it's pretty exciting to me (not sure what that says about me).

See ya 2006!

As Brian will tell you, I'm not a big fan of odd-numbered years. Despite the fact that Kaylin, Brian and I were all born in odd-numbered years, I just don't like them. They make me feel uneasy. So it's with great pleasure that I look back at 2006 (a very even year) and recap my top ten favourite moments.

10. Kaylin gets her first "job". (See Kaylin's feeling "quity") We'll never know if she would have ever received any modeling assignments, but it's still really exciting to think she could have been a baby model. At the very least, it's something she can think of fondly when she hits that awkward not-so-attractive stage of puberty.

9. Always a bridesmaid. Four wonderful people were married this year, and I was lucky enough to stand up in their wedding parties - my brother Dennis and his wife Tina, and our friends Tiffany and Jeff. This, in turn, meant my very first pedicure. Yayy pedicures!

8. I return to work. Yes, I cried and screamed when it was time to put Kaylin in daycare. I didn't think I would survive the separation. But my first few weeks back at work were nothing less than lovely. Everyone was so happy to see me. I got to wear something other than jeans and I went for lunch! (Going for lunch is such an adult thing. Kaylin and I don't go to Milestones together very often.) Returning to work has helped me really appreciate my job, my coworkers, and how lucky I've been to work there for the past six years.

7. I quit my job. Despite the above, it was really fun to quit. OK, so I cried when I told my boss I was leaving, out of shear emotional release, fear of the unknown and sadness about leaving such a great job. But after a few days, it was fun to tell people that I had quit.

6. Kaylin takes her first steps. (See First Steps!) Human toes are miraculous things.

5. Kaylin and I go to the zoo....with daddy, with Auntie Sharon, with Karen, with KK's friends Tasha and Veronika and their mommies, and by ourselves. We definitely got our money's worth from the annual membership. It was particularly amazing watching how Kaylin's reactions to animals changed from visit to visit.

4. Kaylin says her first word - "kitty" - more accurately pronounced "keeeeee". (See Kitties, kitties everywhere) Sadly, in related news, I accidentally put Kitty in the drier last fall and permanently permed her beautiful, fluffy white fur. Kitty is not so cute now. And yet, Kaylin loves her to death.

3. Brian and I decide, after weeks of debate, to pick up and move to London to change our lifestyle and enable me to stay at home with Kaylin. (See The big move)

2. Kaylin cries it out. (See You told me so) I protested. I refused. I never thought I would let my child cry it out. But when your baby decides she won't go to sleep without three hours of rocking each night, your standards drop pretty quickly. Teaching Kaylin to go to sleep on her own was a life saver, for her and for me.

1. Kaylin says "mama" for the first time. [Insert sound of my heart melting here]

Happy New Year everyone!

Merry Christmas!

Genh! (Translation: "Again!")

I've had other parents warn me not to teach Kaylin the word "no"to early, lest she pick it up and start using it liberally, as all toddlers do at some point. I'm happy to say that she's still in the head-shaking "no" stage and has not yet learned the actual word. However, there is another word that I wish she hadn't learned until she was eight, and that is "again".

You see, once Kaylin learned "again" (and once we figured out that "genh" meant "again"), she tapped into a new power she had never before experienced. By saying that simple word, she can listen to the same song over and over, she can watch the same show over and over, and she can play the same games over and over. And over and over and over....you see my issue here?

Tonight during bathtime, I read "The Fuzzy Duckling" about ten times in a row. Thankfully it's only five pages long (not a great read, I do not recommend it). Each time the spotted calves' "moos" got louder and the hungry pigs' "oinks got sillier--it's all I could do to stay interested in the storyline!

After that I did the old "here is the church" finger game for her...fifteen times in a row. Funny thing is, I showed her that one a week ago and she did not see the humour in it. Tonight it was apparently amusing. Or maybe she didn't know how to say "again" last week. Who knows.

In other verbal baby news, Kaylin now points to the toilet and says "pee pee". I just think that's hilarious and had to share. :)

A few more pics

...and in response to a recent post on cousin Brenda's site: I have the cutest baby! (alright, let's agree that BOTH our babies are the cutest and call it a draw. Or we can let the babies wrestle it out at Christmas time...)

Ladies and germs

Guess who is home sick again today?? Yep. After being home two and a half days last week because of a stomach virus outbreak at daycare, Kaylin is home again today. She's not feeling all that badly, but she had enough of a fever that we were turned away at the door this morning. I wanted to cry. I felt like a bad parent trying to dump their sick kid on their daycare provider. But I know my own child and I know that, except for feeling really warm, she's fine. She's been eating really well and has been playing all morning. Of course, you have to keep the other children in mind too. Were Kaylin sick, I wouldn't want her to pass it on to the others. Better safe than sorry.

In other, happier news, we went to the zoo on Saturday for a quick visit to our primate friends, the gorillas and orangutans. Kaylin had a ball walking around, pointing at the animals, calling the tiger ("tiiiiii-guh!") and just plain being cute. I'm so glad we bought the zoo membership this year. It's definitely been worth it. And for anyone thinking of going to the zoo right now, there are no crowds and the parking is free! Woo hoo!

The big move

If you haven't heard our big news yet, where ya been? After many weeks of debate, Brian and I have decided to move our little family to London. We're changing our lifestyle and we couldn't be happier (ok, and scared and nervous and excited).

Basically, we want to give Kaylin a better life. As much as we love our daycare (My School is the best!), and all the wonderful things Kaylin's learned there, we want her to be home with mommy while she's still little. Moving to London gets us a smaller mortgage and a chance to pay off our debt. It also gives daddy a great new job and a shorter commute - which means we can actually eat dinner together at night. Yayy!

And for the love of god, make the ear infections stop!! We hope that less exposure to other snotty-nosed friends (Kaylin is no exception) will reduce the odds of her getting sick while she's still so young.

We also want her to be closer to her grandparents. The last thing we want is for her to turn to us when she's 20 and ask "what was meme like?" or "was grandpa like dad?" B's parents are right in London while my parents are about an hour away. Life's too short to not know your grandparents.

Of course, this move comes with a price. We're moving farther away from my sister, brother and sister-in-law, who live here in the GTA. We're going to miss the Noonies and Auntie Sweater terribly. But we figure they're younger than the grandparents and can visit us more often. I'm also leaving my job, which makes me incredibly sad. Being off for a year really gave me perspective and showed me what a great organization I work for and how wonderful my coworkers are. I also enjoyed wearing something other than jeans and t-shirts for a change. I'll have to start making more of an effort in the wardrobe department when I leave.

Well, that's the news. As soon as we sell our house, we're packing up and hitting the road. We'll see some of you more often and some of you less. But rest assured, you'll see more of Kaylin and her toes, here on this Blog. Stay tuned!

Happy (belated) Halloween!

From K-K, the scarecrow

Check me out!

Kaylin is proud to announce that she has her own chair and that she thoroughly enjoys sitting in it. "Tah dah!" she adds.

New modes of transportation

Just two new pics showing Kaylin and her two new favourite modes of transportation: walking and riding in the wagon.

A fond farewell

All good things must come to an end, right? Well, it was with much sadness that I stopped nursing Kaylin this past week. Despite a rough start, we had almost 15 months of nursing success. I'm so thankful that things worked out so well. What a wonderful way to bond with my baby girl.

I found nursing particularly special since Kaylin really isn't an overly affectionate baby. Each nursing session let me be close to my independent little lady without her struggling to get away. That's not to say that we don't get the odd hug from her. But unless she's really tired, Kaylin-hugs usually lasts less than 2 seconds. Sighh, unrequited love.

We've been slowly weaning since she started solid foods. As of October, we were down to one feeding at bedtime, which was a nice way to end her day. I worried that the last "session" would be more difficult and filled with tears (on my part, not hers). But it came and went with little fanfare.

I tried not to think of it as an ending, but an opportunity for us to find new ways to be close. I now enjoy giving Kaylin a warm sippy cup of milk at night. Holding her in my arms as she lays back and gulps away is almost as nice as nursing. And she actually looks me in the eye when she drinks, instead of pinching my arm skin as she tended to do while nursing.

So a fond farewell to nursing!

(PS - If anyone wants to go out for dinner or a movie, I'm now free between 7 and 8pm each night!)

Happy anniversary mommy and daddy

It's me, Kay-Kay. Just wanted to say happy 5th wedding anniversary (on Friday) to my mommy and daddy. I can't believe there was really a life before me, but whatever you say. I'm really glad you guys decided to have kids. I think I'm pretty lucky to be your daughter - you are fun.

Love,
Kaylin