The best year of my life

Today (Aug 16) is Kaylin's 1st birthday. I can't believe it - where did the time go? Just yesterday I was at the hospital with a big belly and now I have a one year old who loves books and knows the sign for "hat." It's crazy.

I won't dwell on this momentous occasion, lest I flood the keyboard with sappy mom-tears. Let's just say this has been the best year of my life and I'm looking forward to dozens more.

Happy birthday my little angel! Love, mommy

I'm pointing at you!

First steps!!!!

It's official! Kaylin took her very first steps yesterday. We knew it was a matter of days until she did it, but I didn't expect it to just happen...in the kitchen...while I rinsed peas. That's not how it happens on TV!

How do people ever catch their children's first steps on camera? You'd have to be on standby for days, just hovering over your baby with the video camera in your tired, shaking hand. Needless to say, we did not do that, so I have no picture or video for you. But it went something like this:

Kaylin: [stands, crouches, stands, crouches, stands with arms stretched wide]
Mommy: [puts peas down, approaches Kaylin with arms stretched wide]
Kaylin: [takes first steps into mommy's arms]
Mommy: "Bwaaaaaaaahhhh, you did it! You did it! Bwahhhhhhhhhhh!" [continues bawling for five minutes]

It was one of the most amazing moments of my life.

Kitties, kitties everywhere!

Great news for all you cat-lovers out there; Kaylin has said her first official word, and it's "kitty". While she may have pronounced the "words" dada and mama a few months ago, she never made the connection to Brian or me. But now, when she sees her white stuffed kitty that meme gave her, she points emphatically and says, "ki-eee!"

It's like that scene from "The Miracle Worker" when something clicks in little Helen Keller's mind as Anne Sullivan holds her hand under the water pump in the yard and she begins to understand language. "She knows! She knows!" we scream throughout the house, "She understands!" (OK, so it's not quite that dramatic, but still thrilling nonetheless!)

Kaylin knows more words too. While she looks through her favourite picture books, we can ask "where is the apple/banana/puppy?" and she points at the correct image. It's amazing!

The funniest word, however, is "duck". For months I've been singing the song "Five Little Ducks" to her, which includes me making quacking motions with my hands. Now when we say the word "duck" to Kaylin, she quacks her little hands! It's sign language at its finest. She also waves and claps on command.

She's our own little trick pony! I always wanted a pony.

Tick tick tick ...

The clock is ticking for Kaylin and me. In less than two short months, I'll be back at work and my little baby will be in day care. Our glorious days together are numbered, and the worst part is -- she doesn't have a clue.

That has to be the absolute hardest part: knowing that Kaylin won't understand what's going on. Why is mommy suddenly not there? Where did she go? As far as she is concerned, things are how they are. Kaylin and mommy spend every day together. That's life, the only life she's ever known.

Unfortunately, the mortgage doesn't get smaller on its own and the line of credit won't pay off itself. So with heavy hearts, we're sending Kaylin to day care. It will probably be harder on me than her, or at least that's what I tell myself when I can't bear to imagine how those first few difficult days will be. But I know she's going to a great place, with care providers who believe the same things we do and who will respect and love our child (maybe not quite as much as we do). She's going to grow and learn so much. And she'll be surrounded by other active kids and lots of fun and challenging toys.

As for me, I'm going to be sad. There's no other way to put it. I will be terribly and utterly sad. What began as the most challenging year of my life has become the most joyous. Kaylin is a wonderful, happy baby and a pleasure to be with. So until that day care day comes, I'll continue to enjoy every little moment, marvel at every new discovery, laugh at every hilarious expression, and snuggle into every warm hug. I'm going to make every second last!

Zooming along

I've got about 2 minutes before my little angel wakes from her nap, so I'm just going to post a quickie. Here's a pic of Kaylin walking with her car (a hand-me-down from cousins Josh and Kim). She zips and zooms around the house like a pro now. (Special thanks to cousin Kiera for demonstrating the joys of walking a few weeks ago!)

Go, Kaylin, go!

And happy belated Father's Day!

Happy first day of summer!

Love,
Kaylin, the Bathing Beauty

You told me so

Alright, alright, I know. You told me and I didn't believe you. "CIO" (crying it out) probably is the most effective way to teach your baby to go to sleep on her own. We finally did it and it seems to have worked.

If you had asked me a month ago, I would have told you that there is no way I would let Kaylin cry it out. I didn't think she or I could take it. In fact, I was dead-set against it.

But when it got to the point where even two hours of rocking wouldn't help her get to sleep, we decided that we had no other choice. I mean, I tried to get through The No-Cry Sleep Solution, but it was looking like it would be weeks before the baby would be going down with minimal tears. And I was already at my wit's end.

First I went back to Marc Weissbluth's Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby, which I picked up before Kaylin was born. But I found Dr. Weissbluth's advice cold and too matter-of-fact for my taste. (And his "review" of Dr. Sears' book really angered me. I love Dr. Sears!) Desperate for another option, I bought Jodi Mindell's Sleeping Through the Night. This was the book I needed. It's easy to read, doesn't contain a few-dozen references to scientific studies, and spoke to me as a mother, not as some sort of Nap Nazi.

Mindell's plan was simple. After following a consistent night time routine, put your baby down awake. If she cries, go to her as often as you feel you need to, whether it's 30 seconds or 15 minutes later. Calm her down, without picking her up, and leave the room. Within a week, the baby should be going to sleep within 15 minutes.

Well wonders never cease. It worked (she says confidently, after only a few nights). The first six nights were tough. On average, Kaylin cried for 40 minutes each night. But miraculously, on night seven, she was asleep within 5 minutes. Same with the following two nights. And, the BEST part of all -- she is sleeping longer before waking for a feeding. One night she got all the way to 5:45am!

So, friends who told me about CIO, I stand corrected and a little more rested.

Cordelia's sweater

When Kaylin was born, our friends Ryan and Kari were kind enough to lend us mounds of baby clothes from their first born, Paige. Though we were blessed with so many gifts of clothing, we were still able to use several of Paige's outfits. My absolute favourite was this little cardigan.

Well Paige has a new little sister, Cordelia! So, needless to say, we returned all of the loaners to Ryan and Kari so they could dress their new bundle of joy. However, I must confess that not everything was returned. I still have the cardigan. I just couldn't let it go - not yet. But this weekend we are going to meet Cordelia for the first time and I am ready to hand the sweater over to its new and rightful owner.

I think I have puke in my hair.

I've reached another "mom" milestone tonight. I think I have baby puke in my hair right now.

Some of the earlier milestones I (and millions of mothers before me) have reached include wiping excess baby snot on my jeans because the kleenex were out of reach and scrubbing poop out of an undershirt in the bathroom sink. Tonight I have been puked on twice. It's a big night!

To tell you the truth, I'm not sure where the smell is coming from. The vomit-in-question might be on my pyjamas. But it's 12:30 in the morning and I don't think I should "blow my pyjama wad" just yet. I'd better save the other pair for when I'm sure the coast is clear of additional "pukie", as I'm now affectionally calling it.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot. That sound you hear is my husband puking his guts out in the other bathroom. Poor guy is worse off than the baby right now. I can only hope that tomorrow brings better things.

Happy Mother's Day!

Little Miss Stands-a-lot

It's a double-edged sword, really. You want your baby to grow and develop and learn lots of new things. You read about the "milestones" in all the books and feel proud and relieved as your child reaches each one. "She's normal!" you think to yourself. And if they reach a milestone a little earlier than average, you think, "oh my god, she's sooo gifted!" and want to brag about it.

But once your baby has mastered a new skill, you also secretly wish that they hadn't. Take standing for instance. What a great milestone! Kaylin learned to pull herself up to a standing position last week and we're so excited about it! Yayyy, she can stand! Yayy, she can see the room from a whole new vantage point! Yayyy....oh wait, she can also reach things we've left on top of chairs and tables. Oh wait, she can grab the remote control and spit all over it. Oh wait, she can stand up in her crib and, if she had a pole-vault pole, jump over the side!

Needless to say I've discovered a new state of mommy-alertness while Kaylin is roaming the house. I now know that silence is deadly; if I don't hear her chattering away or banging toys around I know something is up. (Like the time I found her standing on the second stair with a bottle of shampoo in her mouth.)

I guess you can't stop progress, or child development in this case. You can only stand by and watch...and put up five different baby gates...and remove anything from the room that isn't tied down...and cover all hard floor surfaces with blankets and pillows in case they fall...and never let them out of your sight, even to go to the bathroom, so you have to hold it all day until daddy gets home.....

Happy Mother's Day to new and not-so-new moms everywhere!

The Chicken - revisited

cluck cluck

My kingdom for some sleep!

Imagine you are in bed, sound asleep, peacefully dreaming away. Suddenly, you are violently shaken awake by someone. They shout, "Wake up! Wake up!" They demand that you sit up in your bed, keep your eyes open, and stay like that for 20 minutes.

After this rude awakening you fall back into a deep slumber, only to be startled awake two hours later. "Get up! Sit up and stay there until I tell you to go back to sleep!" So you sit up, trying desperately to keep your droopy eyelids from slamming shut. After the 20 minutes are up, you fall back asleep, knowing that it's only a matter of time before you have to endure this again.

Imagine this torture is repeated over and over again until morning. And imagine these nightly sessions are repeated night after night -- week after week -- for eight months straight. You are never permitted to enter that really deep sleep stage, you never feel well rested. Most mornings you can barely keep your eyes open. You are so tired that you sometimes cannot form simple sentences. You become forgetful, irritable, and foggy.

This is my nightly hell.

Ok, so I've kind of brought it on myself. Kaylin doesn't need to eat every two hours anymore. But she wakes up and she doesn't yet know how to get herself back to sleep. The fastest way to get her back to sleep is to nurse her. So I do, and I'm paying the price.

But I can't take it anymore! In an effort to change it, I'm about to spend the next few weeks using the plan laid out in my book "The No-Cry Sleep Solution". I'm trying to stay away from the "let her cry herself to sleep" route. I know, if you have kids you're probably laughing at me right now. But I'm going to try. Wish me...yawwwwwwwn...luck!

Bring out yer baby gates, Kaylin's crawling!

It was a really big weekend here. Not only has Kaylin's first tooth broken through to the surface, but she started crawling forwards!

Until now she's been pivoting around in circles and pushing herself backwards with her arms. But that wiggly butt finally got high enough in the air and her knees travelled forwards to set her a crawlin'.

It's so amazing to see her move. She's so much more free -- she can get to the toys she really wants to play with, or she can crawl over to me for a hug (not that she'd ever want a hug - see my last post).

Sadly for me, my days of leaving her in the living room while I fix lunch are numbered. That's ok, who needs lunch anyway?

What's Kaylin up to?

What's Kaylin up to you ask? Oh, about two foot three.

Just kidding. It's been a while since I blogged and bragged about my little girl, so I thought I would update you all. (All three of you who actually read this.)

Kaylin is now seven and a half months old! I can hardly believe it. Where is the time going? Just yesterday she was our little three month old, lying on the floor staring at the ceiling. Now she's grabbing at everything within arm's reach, sitting up, rolling over, rocking on her knees, pivoting on her belly, pushing herself backwards across the floor, and standing while hanging onto things. It's amazing how quickly they change.

She's been sitting up for at least two months now, which means she can reach and grab for all sorts of things. And grab she does. And into the mouth it goes. The tooth fairy has yet to bless her with any chompers (thank god) but we're expecting them any day now. While she's waiting for her teeth, Kaylin is happy to put anything and everything into the mouth with the hopes of relieving some of the darned gum pain.

About a month ago Kaylin finally rolled over. We waited and waited for her to do it, and when she did finally roll I wished she didn't know how! Changing diapers on the floor is a new Olympic sport in our house. Five minutes of "diaper wrestling" leaves me breathless and ready for a nap.

As soon as she mastered the roll, she began pushing up onto her knees and rocking back and forth. You can see that she really wants to move but thankfully we have a little more time left to finish baby-proofing the house.

Sigh, I'm getting tired just thinking of what fun and excitement we have in store for us. Kaylin is a mover and a shaker. She's a bundle of energy who never stops moving. When she gets excited, her arms and legs practically vibrate, her fingers eagerly clutching the air for the toy you've shown her.

She's not a hugger, we've decided. If she puts her head down on our shoulder for two seconds we squeal, "She hugged me!" She doesn't have time to hug! She's got sights to see and textures to touch.

Who can blame her. The world is a marvelous place. And while I wait for my hug, I'll continue to marvel right along with her.

The baby paparazzi strikes again

I've added a few new pics of the little miss (who is now 7 months old!!) to my Flikr photo album.

Just click on the Flikr image on the right to enjoy some Kaylin cuteness in your very own home.

Enjoy!

Before I was a Mom...

A friend emailed this poem to me. I would normally find these sorts of things sappy, but this one made me cry.


Before I was a Mom

Before I was a Mom...
I slept as late as I wanted
and never worried
about how late I got into bed.
I brushed my hair and my teeth everyday.

Before I was a Mom...
I cleaned my house each day.
I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom...
I had never been puked on.
Pooped on. Spit on. Chewed on. Peed on.
I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts.
I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom...
I never held down a screaming child so that doctors could do tests.
Or give shots. I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom...
I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put it down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.

I never knew that I could love someone so much.

I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom...
I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.
I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy.

Before I was a Mom...
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache, the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom.
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much before I was a Mom.

Dressing my dollie

If you know me, you know that a super-stylish wardrobe is not my forte. I don't particularly love shopping for or trying on clothes. Maybe if I were a size 4 it would be more fun. Anyway, it's not my thing.

When Kaylin was first born I was worried that my lack of style would mean the same for my baby. If I can't dress myself, how am I going to buy and pick out clothes for my little girl? I struggled in the first few weeks to put together matching outfits for her. She's doomed, I thought. Poor thing.

However, as time went on more and more gifts of baby clothing arrived from friends and family. And the whole thing got a lot easier. Her clothing options expanded and suddenly I could mix and match all kinds of outfits! Gee, this is kind of fun. It's like playing Barbie all over again. (And just as much pink too.)

And then I started shopping for her! Wooo hooooo! Who knew the mall could be such fun? I would head out looking for socks for myself and come home with an adorable pair of baby jeans, a tiny sweater, and three sleepers with the little feet. Magically, when all your clothes are varying shades of pink and purple, everything matches.

Now, dressing Kaylin is like playing with my dollie every morning. I love looking through all her clothes and helping her be the cutest baby she can be. She probably could care less what she has on, as long as her chubby legs are warm. But I'm having a ball. And best of all, she distracts from whatever frumpy, baggy, third-day-in-a-row outfit I've thrown on.

Babies - they make great accessories.