Happy 18 months Kay Kay!

Our little beauty is 18 months old today. Happy 1/2 birthday Kay Kay! Love mommy

Give your babies a hug

All joking aside, I will admit that I've been a little freaked out about the idea of being a full-time mom. Those six months of being back at work reminded me of what life was like before I was completely and permanently responsible for another human being. Those eight hours each day were free and wonderful, I have to say.

So when I thought about the months and years ahead of me, I started to wonder, can I and do I really want to do this?

Today I read something that brought everything back into focus for me and helped me answer my questions with a loud and resounding YES!!!

The article is in today's Toronto Star--the story of a woman my age, a young mother of two little children, who died of cancer. She was diagnosed when her second baby was only four months old and despite months of treatment, the cancer continued to spread. She died on January 28th.

I can't even put into words how the article made me feel. It struck fear into my heart and made my stomach wrench at the thought of something like that happening to me. And it's not about me but about my baby girl and how she would lose her mama. How she'd grow up not knowing the real me - only pictures or video of a woman named "mommy".

So I read this article, looked up at Kaylin and the fog that's been around my head for the past month lifted. I realized that I was being stupid. Life is too damn short. Here's a wonderful chance that not every mother gets. This IS what I want to do. No more joking about how tough it's going to be. No more taking for granted the most fortunate opportunity life has ever handed me. Of course there will be long days, tiring days, boring days and sick days. But they will all be Kaylin days. Who knows how many I will be given.

Job...what job??

Brian tells me I need to post something, since it's been a week now. Alright then, let me just say this...job, what job?

It certainly didn't take me long to forget work and get back into the swing of things here at home. My last day of work was 12 days ago and I've been an official "stay-at-home mom" for 8 days. I'll admit, there have been a few moments where I've thought to myself, "What have I done? And how can Kaylin shriek so loudly?" And then there's the money, or soon to be no money. I got my last paycheck today, as well as five weeks worth of vacation paid out. Sighhh, so much money....

But who needs it! I have hours and hours of Kaylin all to myself! She is just a riot. The funniest thing has to be the pillows. I've laid out about 9 pillows on our bedroom floor. Kaylin loves to run and fling herself onto them, at full speed, falling face-first right into the middle. Makes me laugh every time.

And then there's the colours. She's starting to learn her colours; she sort-of knows blue, purple (per-po) and pink. But what's funny is that she's heard us say the phrase "what colour is this?" so many times that she now constantly points at things and asks us "colour dis? colour dis?" We can't get enough of it.

And finally, the Backyardigans. If you've seen the cartoon, the five characters spin around in a circle while singing the theme song. Now whenever Kaylin sees the show or even sees a picture of the characters, she starts spinning around and singing her own version of the theme. Too funny.

So, while it's hard when Kaylin doesn't eat her beans or screams because I won't let her eat her crayons, it is really really great to be able to spend more time with her and see the world through her per-po coloured lenses.