Good bye Ajax, hello London

(Kaylin tired from all the packing mommy and daddy have made her do.)

(Kaylin celebrating when she heard that London has drive-thru Starbucks.)

It's been fun Ajax! But I gotta go now. Bye!

Happy 18 months Kay Kay!

Our little beauty is 18 months old today. Happy 1/2 birthday Kay Kay! Love mommy

Give your babies a hug

All joking aside, I will admit that I've been a little freaked out about the idea of being a full-time mom. Those six months of being back at work reminded me of what life was like before I was completely and permanently responsible for another human being. Those eight hours each day were free and wonderful, I have to say.

So when I thought about the months and years ahead of me, I started to wonder, can I and do I really want to do this?

Today I read something that brought everything back into focus for me and helped me answer my questions with a loud and resounding YES!!!

The article is in today's Toronto Star--the story of a woman my age, a young mother of two little children, who died of cancer. She was diagnosed when her second baby was only four months old and despite months of treatment, the cancer continued to spread. She died on January 28th.

I can't even put into words how the article made me feel. It struck fear into my heart and made my stomach wrench at the thought of something like that happening to me. And it's not about me but about my baby girl and how she would lose her mama. How she'd grow up not knowing the real me - only pictures or video of a woman named "mommy".

So I read this article, looked up at Kaylin and the fog that's been around my head for the past month lifted. I realized that I was being stupid. Life is too damn short. Here's a wonderful chance that not every mother gets. This IS what I want to do. No more joking about how tough it's going to be. No more taking for granted the most fortunate opportunity life has ever handed me. Of course there will be long days, tiring days, boring days and sick days. But they will all be Kaylin days. Who knows how many I will be given.

Job...what job??

Brian tells me I need to post something, since it's been a week now. Alright then, let me just say this...job, what job?

It certainly didn't take me long to forget work and get back into the swing of things here at home. My last day of work was 12 days ago and I've been an official "stay-at-home mom" for 8 days. I'll admit, there have been a few moments where I've thought to myself, "What have I done? And how can Kaylin shriek so loudly?" And then there's the money, or soon to be no money. I got my last paycheck today, as well as five weeks worth of vacation paid out. Sighhh, so much money....

But who needs it! I have hours and hours of Kaylin all to myself! She is just a riot. The funniest thing has to be the pillows. I've laid out about 9 pillows on our bedroom floor. Kaylin loves to run and fling herself onto them, at full speed, falling face-first right into the middle. Makes me laugh every time.

And then there's the colours. She's starting to learn her colours; she sort-of knows blue, purple (per-po) and pink. But what's funny is that she's heard us say the phrase "what colour is this?" so many times that she now constantly points at things and asks us "colour dis? colour dis?" We can't get enough of it.

And finally, the Backyardigans. If you've seen the cartoon, the five characters spin around in a circle while singing the theme song. Now whenever Kaylin sees the show or even sees a picture of the characters, she starts spinning around and singing her own version of the theme. Too funny.

So, while it's hard when Kaylin doesn't eat her beans or screams because I won't let her eat her crayons, it is really really great to be able to spend more time with her and see the world through her per-po coloured lenses.

We'll miss you daycare

Six months ago, I started transitioning Kaylin into daycare. On our second day there together, I watched as another woman pushed my baby girl in a stroller, away from me, and into a world where I wasn't needed. I lost it. I turned away so Kaylin wouldn't see me and shook with grief, unsure if I could handle leaving my baby with someone else during the day. I cried for the next hour as each of Kaylin's new daycare teachers consoled me and handed me tissues, assuring me they would take excellent care of my baby.

Today was Kaylin's last day at daycare and I cried again. But for different reasons. As difficult as the past few months have been - getting Kaylin used to daycare, all the sickness that comes with being exposed to so many new kids, leaving her all day - we were fortunate enough to find an amazing daycare. Kaylin learned a lot while there, and most importantly, had so much fun (as you can see here, dancing with her best friend Taylor).

Which made today that much more difficult. It should have been a happy day for me. But I was sad. Sad that Kaylin wouldn't see her teachers and little friends again. The hardest part was saying goodbye to Debbie, one of her teachers and a woman who probably loves Kaylin as much as I do (well, almost).

Each night when I picked Kaylin up, Debbie told me funny stories about that day, often letting me know that Kaylin was "too smart for her own good." Nothing makes a parent feel better than knowing how much others enjoy their child's company.

Kaylin had a grand farewell party today, complete with cake and gifts. But it was tough saying good-bye. Debbie could barely look at Kaylin today without tearing up. And I could barely look at Deb. But finally, at the end of the day, Deb and I hugged good-bye and cried together. We'll miss Debbie and everyone else at daycare.

Welcome Emelia [or: Oh how my maternal clock ticks...]

First of all, welcome to the world Emelia Lorraine Teeter! You are so beautiful and so lucky to have such wonderful parents. We can't wait to meet you and touch your tiny baby toes.

Now, down to business. How could you do it? I was doing fine up till this point. I was happy with the way things are. And then you came along, looking oh so cute in your teeny yellow sleeper, all peaceful and pink. There you are, in your itsy bitsy pink cap. Emelia, you've got my clock a tickin' again! Just seeing you in the pictures from your parents' site brings back a flood of memories from when Kaylin was born. You've reminded me how amazing it is to give birth to such a perfect little wonder. Emelia, you're makin' me want another baby...now!

Sigh, I'm sure it will pass. First things first...must pack every article we own and move it down the 401. And then maybe I'll start thinking about a sibling for Kaylin. But I'm warning you, when we meet in the next few weeks, I don't want to hear any baby coos from you or see you flash your big, deep blue eyes at me! That's just not fair. Not fair at all.

Goodnight cubicle, goodnight desk...

Tomorrow is my last day of full-time, "out of the home", work. Not forever, I'm sure. But for a while.

After tomorrow, I'm going to be a full-time mom. I'll admit, my feelings about this change from hour to hour. Naturally, I'm really excited to be able to spend my days with Kaylin, watching her grow and helping her to learn about the world. What better job is there than to spend these early years with your child? I also feel really lucky to have such a supportive husband who is willing to carry the financial weight while I manage the household. Thankfully, we're on the same page when it comes to how we want to raise our children. And my plan is to get into freelance work that I can do from home. So I'm really leaving the working world so much as leaving the traditional work place.

But a part of me is going to miss going to work and that independence I have when I'm there. Going window shopping at lunchtime, grabbing a coffee with a coworker, eating out. Yes, I can do all these things with Kaylin, but not necessarily on my schedule or with the freedom I can when I'm on my own. I won't even mention going to the bathroom on my own.

I'm also fearful that I'll forget "how" to work. Sounds silly, but who knows what things will be like when I return to the working world in a few years. Technology moves at such a pace that email could be obsolete by then! Will I forget how to interview for a job? How will employers perceive the gap in my resume?

I think I'm just feeling wistful about my last days on the job. I'm going to miss the work I do and all the people I do it with. It's been a great six and a half years. But I know that, for me and my family, there is no better option than for me to be home with Kaylin. It is going to be amazing. And by this time next week I'm sure I'll be thinking, "job? What job?"

Going once, going twice....SOLD!

I'm thrilled to announce (at the risk of jinxing a conditional offer) that our house sold last Friday. Yiipppeee!!! The closing date on this house is March 16, which gives Kaylin enough time to pack up the entire house while I sit on the sofa eating bon-bons and watching Ellen. You're never too young to learn to use a tape gun, I say.

And oh yeah, I only have 7 more days of working for the man left! Then I'll be working for the toddler. I cannot wait. Duties will include taming that friggin' hair on an hourly basis, picking peas up off the kitchen floor, and convincing the toddler that watching the Baby Beethoven DVD for a 16th time is not a good idea. The benefits are good though (including frequent hugs and full access to ten tiny toes), so I don't mind.

First (official) snow

"Poo poo" and other fine phrases

How friggin' handy is language? Kaylin now tells us when she's done a number 2! It's awesome. Not that we couldn't detect the offending delivery with our noses or help but notice what looks like a golf ball shoved down the back of her diaper, but now she comes up to us and announces in a soft whisper: "poo poo". I can't get enough of it (the speaking that is, not the poo poo.)

Other handy words and phrases recently added to her repertoire include "pee pee" (sometimes used similarly to above, but more often to name the toilet), "cole" (which means cold), and "no no no no no", which is always accompanied by a hearty shake of the head back and forth.

My favourite word of all right now is "ter-to", meaning turtle. She says a lot of her words in soft little whispers, but "ter-to" is the best. Try it - quietly whisper "ter-to" to yourself as you read this. Ter-to... ter-to... ter-to. Isn't that fantastic?!?

OK, I guess it's not as exciting for the rest of the world. But it's pretty exciting to me (not sure what that says about me).

See ya 2006!

As Brian will tell you, I'm not a big fan of odd-numbered years. Despite the fact that Kaylin, Brian and I were all born in odd-numbered years, I just don't like them. They make me feel uneasy. So it's with great pleasure that I look back at 2006 (a very even year) and recap my top ten favourite moments.

10. Kaylin gets her first "job". (See Kaylin's feeling "quity") We'll never know if she would have ever received any modeling assignments, but it's still really exciting to think she could have been a baby model. At the very least, it's something she can think of fondly when she hits that awkward not-so-attractive stage of puberty.

9. Always a bridesmaid. Four wonderful people were married this year, and I was lucky enough to stand up in their wedding parties - my brother Dennis and his wife Tina, and our friends Tiffany and Jeff. This, in turn, meant my very first pedicure. Yayy pedicures!

8. I return to work. Yes, I cried and screamed when it was time to put Kaylin in daycare. I didn't think I would survive the separation. But my first few weeks back at work were nothing less than lovely. Everyone was so happy to see me. I got to wear something other than jeans and I went for lunch! (Going for lunch is such an adult thing. Kaylin and I don't go to Milestones together very often.) Returning to work has helped me really appreciate my job, my coworkers, and how lucky I've been to work there for the past six years.

7. I quit my job. Despite the above, it was really fun to quit. OK, so I cried when I told my boss I was leaving, out of shear emotional release, fear of the unknown and sadness about leaving such a great job. But after a few days, it was fun to tell people that I had quit.

6. Kaylin takes her first steps. (See First Steps!) Human toes are miraculous things.

5. Kaylin and I go to the zoo....with daddy, with Auntie Sharon, with Karen, with KK's friends Tasha and Veronika and their mommies, and by ourselves. We definitely got our money's worth from the annual membership. It was particularly amazing watching how Kaylin's reactions to animals changed from visit to visit.

4. Kaylin says her first word - "kitty" - more accurately pronounced "keeeeee". (See Kitties, kitties everywhere) Sadly, in related news, I accidentally put Kitty in the drier last fall and permanently permed her beautiful, fluffy white fur. Kitty is not so cute now. And yet, Kaylin loves her to death.

3. Brian and I decide, after weeks of debate, to pick up and move to London to change our lifestyle and enable me to stay at home with Kaylin. (See The big move)

2. Kaylin cries it out. (See You told me so) I protested. I refused. I never thought I would let my child cry it out. But when your baby decides she won't go to sleep without three hours of rocking each night, your standards drop pretty quickly. Teaching Kaylin to go to sleep on her own was a life saver, for her and for me.

1. Kaylin says "mama" for the first time. [Insert sound of my heart melting here]

Happy New Year everyone!

Merry Christmas!

Genh! (Translation: "Again!")

I've had other parents warn me not to teach Kaylin the word "no"to early, lest she pick it up and start using it liberally, as all toddlers do at some point. I'm happy to say that she's still in the head-shaking "no" stage and has not yet learned the actual word. However, there is another word that I wish she hadn't learned until she was eight, and that is "again".

You see, once Kaylin learned "again" (and once we figured out that "genh" meant "again"), she tapped into a new power she had never before experienced. By saying that simple word, she can listen to the same song over and over, she can watch the same show over and over, and she can play the same games over and over. And over and over and over....you see my issue here?

Tonight during bathtime, I read "The Fuzzy Duckling" about ten times in a row. Thankfully it's only five pages long (not a great read, I do not recommend it). Each time the spotted calves' "moos" got louder and the hungry pigs' "oinks got sillier--it's all I could do to stay interested in the storyline!

After that I did the old "here is the church" finger game for her...fifteen times in a row. Funny thing is, I showed her that one a week ago and she did not see the humour in it. Tonight it was apparently amusing. Or maybe she didn't know how to say "again" last week. Who knows.

In other verbal baby news, Kaylin now points to the toilet and says "pee pee". I just think that's hilarious and had to share. :)

A few more pics

...and in response to a recent post on cousin Brenda's site: I have the cutest baby! (alright, let's agree that BOTH our babies are the cutest and call it a draw. Or we can let the babies wrestle it out at Christmas time...)

Ladies and germs

Guess who is home sick again today?? Yep. After being home two and a half days last week because of a stomach virus outbreak at daycare, Kaylin is home again today. She's not feeling all that badly, but she had enough of a fever that we were turned away at the door this morning. I wanted to cry. I felt like a bad parent trying to dump their sick kid on their daycare provider. But I know my own child and I know that, except for feeling really warm, she's fine. She's been eating really well and has been playing all morning. Of course, you have to keep the other children in mind too. Were Kaylin sick, I wouldn't want her to pass it on to the others. Better safe than sorry.

In other, happier news, we went to the zoo on Saturday for a quick visit to our primate friends, the gorillas and orangutans. Kaylin had a ball walking around, pointing at the animals, calling the tiger ("tiiiiii-guh!") and just plain being cute. I'm so glad we bought the zoo membership this year. It's definitely been worth it. And for anyone thinking of going to the zoo right now, there are no crowds and the parking is free! Woo hoo!

The big move

If you haven't heard our big news yet, where ya been? After many weeks of debate, Brian and I have decided to move our little family to London. We're changing our lifestyle and we couldn't be happier (ok, and scared and nervous and excited).

Basically, we want to give Kaylin a better life. As much as we love our daycare (My School is the best!), and all the wonderful things Kaylin's learned there, we want her to be home with mommy while she's still little. Moving to London gets us a smaller mortgage and a chance to pay off our debt. It also gives daddy a great new job and a shorter commute - which means we can actually eat dinner together at night. Yayy!

And for the love of god, make the ear infections stop!! We hope that less exposure to other snotty-nosed friends (Kaylin is no exception) will reduce the odds of her getting sick while she's still so young.

We also want her to be closer to her grandparents. The last thing we want is for her to turn to us when she's 20 and ask "what was meme like?" or "was grandpa like dad?" B's parents are right in London while my parents are about an hour away. Life's too short to not know your grandparents.

Of course, this move comes with a price. We're moving farther away from my sister, brother and sister-in-law, who live here in the GTA. We're going to miss the Noonies and Auntie Sweater terribly. But we figure they're younger than the grandparents and can visit us more often. I'm also leaving my job, which makes me incredibly sad. Being off for a year really gave me perspective and showed me what a great organization I work for and how wonderful my coworkers are. I also enjoyed wearing something other than jeans and t-shirts for a change. I'll have to start making more of an effort in the wardrobe department when I leave.

Well, that's the news. As soon as we sell our house, we're packing up and hitting the road. We'll see some of you more often and some of you less. But rest assured, you'll see more of Kaylin and her toes, here on this Blog. Stay tuned!

Happy (belated) Halloween!

From K-K, the scarecrow

Check me out!

Kaylin is proud to announce that she has her own chair and that she thoroughly enjoys sitting in it. "Tah dah!" she adds.

New modes of transportation

Just two new pics showing Kaylin and her two new favourite modes of transportation: walking and riding in the wagon.

A fond farewell

All good things must come to an end, right? Well, it was with much sadness that I stopped nursing Kaylin this past week. Despite a rough start, we had almost 15 months of nursing success. I'm so thankful that things worked out so well. What a wonderful way to bond with my baby girl.

I found nursing particularly special since Kaylin really isn't an overly affectionate baby. Each nursing session let me be close to my independent little lady without her struggling to get away. That's not to say that we don't get the odd hug from her. But unless she's really tired, Kaylin-hugs usually lasts less than 2 seconds. Sighh, unrequited love.

We've been slowly weaning since she started solid foods. As of October, we were down to one feeding at bedtime, which was a nice way to end her day. I worried that the last "session" would be more difficult and filled with tears (on my part, not hers). But it came and went with little fanfare.

I tried not to think of it as an ending, but an opportunity for us to find new ways to be close. I now enjoy giving Kaylin a warm sippy cup of milk at night. Holding her in my arms as she lays back and gulps away is almost as nice as nursing. And she actually looks me in the eye when she drinks, instead of pinching my arm skin as she tended to do while nursing.

So a fond farewell to nursing!

(PS - If anyone wants to go out for dinner or a movie, I'm now free between 7 and 8pm each night!)

Happy anniversary mommy and daddy

It's me, Kay-Kay. Just wanted to say happy 5th wedding anniversary (on Friday) to my mommy and daddy. I can't believe there was really a life before me, but whatever you say. I'm really glad you guys decided to have kids. I think I'm pretty lucky to be your daughter - you are fun.

Love,
Kaylin

Gobble gobble

One of the funniest things about having a baby in daycare is the art projects Kaylin "makes" each week. Over the last month our fridge door has featured a picture of a car with marker scribbles on it, a construction-paper raindrop delicately dappled with blue fingerpaint, and a yellow bus with its wheels glued where the windows would normally be. One of my favourites was a baggie of paper bits and sparkles stapled to a styrofoam soup container. I really had no clue what this craft was, and had to ask one of the teachers. It was a hot air balloon, of course!

Well, our little artist has made our Thanksgiving centerpiece this year. Tom the Turkey may not be easy on the eyes, but he sure does make my heart melt.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone, from Kaylin and Tom!

The joys of daycare

For those of you who tune in regularly (all three of you), you'll know that I've regretably returned to work while Kaylin has started daycare. It's been tough. I miss my days with my baby girl. When the weather is nice, as it was this morning, I long for the chance to go for a walk with Kaylin in her stroller and admire the fall colours. And when I'm feeling extra drowsy at work. I wish it was nap time so that mommy could have a nap too.

Alas, there are bills to pay, as I always say. Daycare does have its benefits, though. Kaylin started walking just before she began but was slow to practice her steps. Now, with all her little friends walking around, she's feeling the pressure. She's toddling all over the house now and even broke into what I would call a "speed walk" tonight.

She's also picked up lots of new signs. She knows to sign "more", "please", and "all done" during dinner time. She's also brought home the sign for "frog" and even has actions to show us when we all sing "Twinkle Twinkle" and "The Itsy Bitsy Spider". It's really exciting to know that she is learning new things every day.

Of course, Kaylin has also picked up something very bad at day care: a cold and ear infection. It's taken us over a week, but after two trips to the walk-in clinic, we seem to have this thing beat.

As for me, I've learned that I have a very special little girl and that the days just aren't the same without her.

A few pics

Just a few pictures of "Kay-Kay", as Kaylin calls herself when she sees photos of her adorable little face, including one of her brushing her teeth with daddy and one with her wearing her very first black t-shirt. Now she's just like mommy!

Kaylin's feeling "quity"

In an attempt to be more like her daddy, Kaylin quit her first job this week. Many of you don't know this, but Kaylin was a baby model...sort of. Let me explain.

Last month, the three of us were in Toronto for a visit to the Beaches, our old neighbourhood. It was a Tuesday. Tuesdays are also the day Sutherland Models' children's division, Kamera Kids, holds its weekly open call for new models. On a whim (and since we were already in town), Brian and I decided to see what baby modelling is all about. We really didn't think anything would come of it.

Well, of the ten or so children there, Kaylin was among three selected to join the agency. We were shocked (but not really, because she really is so cute, and I'm not just saying that because she's mine...ok I am). She might have the opportunity to do catalogues, print advertising and tv commercials.

I knew then that I was going back to work in September. But we thought, hey, what the heck. Maybe she'll land a $20K Baby Gap ad and I won't have to go back to work!

Maybe she'll land a $20K Baby Gap ad and I won't have to go back to work!

Ha ha. And then I woke up.

Unfortunately, the summer is the "off season" and the agency already has lots of baby girls on their roster. The Gap never called, nor did anyone else, and so I had to make a decision -- do we keep waiting around for Kaylin to get a modelling job (may never happen) and give up my job (a sure thing)? Or do we pretend it never happened and go back to our hum drum, non-modelling lives?

Hum drum won. And so, this week, Kaylin resigned from the agency. But if you hurry, you can still see her picture on their website (and not a great picture either -- see my site for those!!) -- www.kamerakids.com

D-Day

It's here. The day I've been dreading for over a year now: Kaylin's first day at daycare. As the first day of a two-week transition into our daycare, Kaylin and I spent an hour there this morning. While Kaylin had lots of fun playing with a room full of toys she'd never seen before, I was not so joyous. In fact, shell-shocked about describes how I felt.

I imagined this morning would be calm and quiet. I pictured a nice little meeting with Kaylin's daycare provider, telling her all about our normal routine, what Kaylin likes and doesn't like, what words and signs she knows. Then the provider would look at me, notice the worry and concern in my eyes, gently touch me on the shoulder and say, "It's all right mom, we're going to take wonderful care of your little angel."

Instead we arrived to loud children's music, a crying baby, and seven other little ones scrambling around crashing toys and other plastic objects to the ground. It probably took me about five minutes before I even considered putting Kaylin down. I was sure she would instantly turn around and give me the "pick me up" arms. But she didn't. She wandered over to a new-to-her toy and began playing. That made me feel a lot better.

In fact, she seemed to have a lot of fun this morning. She probably thinks we were at some fun place where kids meet to play for a while. Little does she know that she's going back there again tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day...

I'd better bring a box of Kleenex tomorrow.

Cake and cows

Kaylin has been (unknowingly) enjoying an entire birthday week. Almost everyday, she receives new packages to open and a new toy or book to enjoy.

Birthday week began at Grandma and Grampa G's house, where Kaylin was showered with gifts from Grandma and Grampa and Uncle Chris and Auntie Annette. She also enjoyed a healthy banana and yogurt "cake" while the rest of had totally unhealthy but delicious birthday cake. Also this week, Kaylin received a visit and a wonderful book from my friend Joanna, an adorable online Hallmark card from our neighbours who are out east right now, a wind-up (i.e. no batteries needed, yayy!!) TV from our other neighbours, a beautiful outfit and fun bath toys from our friends Nika and Andrea, and several wonderful books from Brian's business partner Pete. Thanks everyone!! You made Kaylin's birthday so special.

On Wednesday (the Big Day) I took Kaylin to one of her favourite places, the Toronto Zoo, where we saw giraffes, and gorillas, shared applesauce, and rode the Zoomobile. Kaylin also made the sign for "bird" at every pesky seagull she saw. Just after we arrived home, Kaylin received a beautiful bouquet of flowers with two balloons and two teddy bears from Meme and Pepe. She loves waving the balloons around and making the "sniff sniff" sign for flowers whenever we pass the bouquet.

That night Kaylin enjoyed her first birthday cake, a bizarre sugar-free recipe I found in one of my baby books. It wasn't bad, but I prefer the traditional cake myself! After cake Kaylin, daddy and I opened her gifts and played with her new Fisher-Price barnyard. She loves opening and closing the barn doors, dropping the animals into the hay loft, and laughing hysterically when the chicken makes its cluck-cluck noise. I love watching her face as she plays and discovers something new every time.

The best year of my life

Today (Aug 16) is Kaylin's 1st birthday. I can't believe it - where did the time go? Just yesterday I was at the hospital with a big belly and now I have a one year old who loves books and knows the sign for "hat." It's crazy.

I won't dwell on this momentous occasion, lest I flood the keyboard with sappy mom-tears. Let's just say this has been the best year of my life and I'm looking forward to dozens more.

Happy birthday my little angel! Love, mommy

I'm pointing at you!

First steps!!!!

It's official! Kaylin took her very first steps yesterday. We knew it was a matter of days until she did it, but I didn't expect it to just happen...in the kitchen...while I rinsed peas. That's not how it happens on TV!

How do people ever catch their children's first steps on camera? You'd have to be on standby for days, just hovering over your baby with the video camera in your tired, shaking hand. Needless to say, we did not do that, so I have no picture or video for you. But it went something like this:

Kaylin: [stands, crouches, stands, crouches, stands with arms stretched wide]
Mommy: [puts peas down, approaches Kaylin with arms stretched wide]
Kaylin: [takes first steps into mommy's arms]
Mommy: "Bwaaaaaaaahhhh, you did it! You did it! Bwahhhhhhhhhhh!" [continues bawling for five minutes]

It was one of the most amazing moments of my life.

Kitties, kitties everywhere!

Great news for all you cat-lovers out there; Kaylin has said her first official word, and it's "kitty". While she may have pronounced the "words" dada and mama a few months ago, she never made the connection to Brian or me. But now, when she sees her white stuffed kitty that meme gave her, she points emphatically and says, "ki-eee!"

It's like that scene from "The Miracle Worker" when something clicks in little Helen Keller's mind as Anne Sullivan holds her hand under the water pump in the yard and she begins to understand language. "She knows! She knows!" we scream throughout the house, "She understands!" (OK, so it's not quite that dramatic, but still thrilling nonetheless!)

Kaylin knows more words too. While she looks through her favourite picture books, we can ask "where is the apple/banana/puppy?" and she points at the correct image. It's amazing!

The funniest word, however, is "duck". For months I've been singing the song "Five Little Ducks" to her, which includes me making quacking motions with my hands. Now when we say the word "duck" to Kaylin, she quacks her little hands! It's sign language at its finest. She also waves and claps on command.

She's our own little trick pony! I always wanted a pony.

Tick tick tick ...

The clock is ticking for Kaylin and me. In less than two short months, I'll be back at work and my little baby will be in day care. Our glorious days together are numbered, and the worst part is -- she doesn't have a clue.

That has to be the absolute hardest part: knowing that Kaylin won't understand what's going on. Why is mommy suddenly not there? Where did she go? As far as she is concerned, things are how they are. Kaylin and mommy spend every day together. That's life, the only life she's ever known.

Unfortunately, the mortgage doesn't get smaller on its own and the line of credit won't pay off itself. So with heavy hearts, we're sending Kaylin to day care. It will probably be harder on me than her, or at least that's what I tell myself when I can't bear to imagine how those first few difficult days will be. But I know she's going to a great place, with care providers who believe the same things we do and who will respect and love our child (maybe not quite as much as we do). She's going to grow and learn so much. And she'll be surrounded by other active kids and lots of fun and challenging toys.

As for me, I'm going to be sad. There's no other way to put it. I will be terribly and utterly sad. What began as the most challenging year of my life has become the most joyous. Kaylin is a wonderful, happy baby and a pleasure to be with. So until that day care day comes, I'll continue to enjoy every little moment, marvel at every new discovery, laugh at every hilarious expression, and snuggle into every warm hug. I'm going to make every second last!

Zooming along

I've got about 2 minutes before my little angel wakes from her nap, so I'm just going to post a quickie. Here's a pic of Kaylin walking with her car (a hand-me-down from cousins Josh and Kim). She zips and zooms around the house like a pro now. (Special thanks to cousin Kiera for demonstrating the joys of walking a few weeks ago!)

Go, Kaylin, go!

And happy belated Father's Day!

Happy first day of summer!

Love,
Kaylin, the Bathing Beauty

You told me so

Alright, alright, I know. You told me and I didn't believe you. "CIO" (crying it out) probably is the most effective way to teach your baby to go to sleep on her own. We finally did it and it seems to have worked.

If you had asked me a month ago, I would have told you that there is no way I would let Kaylin cry it out. I didn't think she or I could take it. In fact, I was dead-set against it.

But when it got to the point where even two hours of rocking wouldn't help her get to sleep, we decided that we had no other choice. I mean, I tried to get through The No-Cry Sleep Solution, but it was looking like it would be weeks before the baby would be going down with minimal tears. And I was already at my wit's end.

First I went back to Marc Weissbluth's Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby, which I picked up before Kaylin was born. But I found Dr. Weissbluth's advice cold and too matter-of-fact for my taste. (And his "review" of Dr. Sears' book really angered me. I love Dr. Sears!) Desperate for another option, I bought Jodi Mindell's Sleeping Through the Night. This was the book I needed. It's easy to read, doesn't contain a few-dozen references to scientific studies, and spoke to me as a mother, not as some sort of Nap Nazi.

Mindell's plan was simple. After following a consistent night time routine, put your baby down awake. If she cries, go to her as often as you feel you need to, whether it's 30 seconds or 15 minutes later. Calm her down, without picking her up, and leave the room. Within a week, the baby should be going to sleep within 15 minutes.

Well wonders never cease. It worked (she says confidently, after only a few nights). The first six nights were tough. On average, Kaylin cried for 40 minutes each night. But miraculously, on night seven, she was asleep within 5 minutes. Same with the following two nights. And, the BEST part of all -- she is sleeping longer before waking for a feeding. One night she got all the way to 5:45am!

So, friends who told me about CIO, I stand corrected and a little more rested.

Cordelia's sweater

When Kaylin was born, our friends Ryan and Kari were kind enough to lend us mounds of baby clothes from their first born, Paige. Though we were blessed with so many gifts of clothing, we were still able to use several of Paige's outfits. My absolute favourite was this little cardigan.

Well Paige has a new little sister, Cordelia! So, needless to say, we returned all of the loaners to Ryan and Kari so they could dress their new bundle of joy. However, I must confess that not everything was returned. I still have the cardigan. I just couldn't let it go - not yet. But this weekend we are going to meet Cordelia for the first time and I am ready to hand the sweater over to its new and rightful owner.

I think I have puke in my hair.

I've reached another "mom" milestone tonight. I think I have baby puke in my hair right now.

Some of the earlier milestones I (and millions of mothers before me) have reached include wiping excess baby snot on my jeans because the kleenex were out of reach and scrubbing poop out of an undershirt in the bathroom sink. Tonight I have been puked on twice. It's a big night!

To tell you the truth, I'm not sure where the smell is coming from. The vomit-in-question might be on my pyjamas. But it's 12:30 in the morning and I don't think I should "blow my pyjama wad" just yet. I'd better save the other pair for when I'm sure the coast is clear of additional "pukie", as I'm now affectionally calling it.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot. That sound you hear is my husband puking his guts out in the other bathroom. Poor guy is worse off than the baby right now. I can only hope that tomorrow brings better things.

Happy Mother's Day!

Little Miss Stands-a-lot

It's a double-edged sword, really. You want your baby to grow and develop and learn lots of new things. You read about the "milestones" in all the books and feel proud and relieved as your child reaches each one. "She's normal!" you think to yourself. And if they reach a milestone a little earlier than average, you think, "oh my god, she's sooo gifted!" and want to brag about it.

But once your baby has mastered a new skill, you also secretly wish that they hadn't. Take standing for instance. What a great milestone! Kaylin learned to pull herself up to a standing position last week and we're so excited about it! Yayyy, she can stand! Yayy, she can see the room from a whole new vantage point! Yayyy....oh wait, she can also reach things we've left on top of chairs and tables. Oh wait, she can grab the remote control and spit all over it. Oh wait, she can stand up in her crib and, if she had a pole-vault pole, jump over the side!

Needless to say I've discovered a new state of mommy-alertness while Kaylin is roaming the house. I now know that silence is deadly; if I don't hear her chattering away or banging toys around I know something is up. (Like the time I found her standing on the second stair with a bottle of shampoo in her mouth.)

I guess you can't stop progress, or child development in this case. You can only stand by and watch...and put up five different baby gates...and remove anything from the room that isn't tied down...and cover all hard floor surfaces with blankets and pillows in case they fall...and never let them out of your sight, even to go to the bathroom, so you have to hold it all day until daddy gets home.....

Happy Mother's Day to new and not-so-new moms everywhere!

The Chicken - revisited

cluck cluck

My kingdom for some sleep!

Imagine you are in bed, sound asleep, peacefully dreaming away. Suddenly, you are violently shaken awake by someone. They shout, "Wake up! Wake up!" They demand that you sit up in your bed, keep your eyes open, and stay like that for 20 minutes.

After this rude awakening you fall back into a deep slumber, only to be startled awake two hours later. "Get up! Sit up and stay there until I tell you to go back to sleep!" So you sit up, trying desperately to keep your droopy eyelids from slamming shut. After the 20 minutes are up, you fall back asleep, knowing that it's only a matter of time before you have to endure this again.

Imagine this torture is repeated over and over again until morning. And imagine these nightly sessions are repeated night after night -- week after week -- for eight months straight. You are never permitted to enter that really deep sleep stage, you never feel well rested. Most mornings you can barely keep your eyes open. You are so tired that you sometimes cannot form simple sentences. You become forgetful, irritable, and foggy.

This is my nightly hell.

Ok, so I've kind of brought it on myself. Kaylin doesn't need to eat every two hours anymore. But she wakes up and she doesn't yet know how to get herself back to sleep. The fastest way to get her back to sleep is to nurse her. So I do, and I'm paying the price.

But I can't take it anymore! In an effort to change it, I'm about to spend the next few weeks using the plan laid out in my book "The No-Cry Sleep Solution". I'm trying to stay away from the "let her cry herself to sleep" route. I know, if you have kids you're probably laughing at me right now. But I'm going to try. Wish me...yawwwwwwwn...luck!

Bring out yer baby gates, Kaylin's crawling!

It was a really big weekend here. Not only has Kaylin's first tooth broken through to the surface, but she started crawling forwards!

Until now she's been pivoting around in circles and pushing herself backwards with her arms. But that wiggly butt finally got high enough in the air and her knees travelled forwards to set her a crawlin'.

It's so amazing to see her move. She's so much more free -- she can get to the toys she really wants to play with, or she can crawl over to me for a hug (not that she'd ever want a hug - see my last post).

Sadly for me, my days of leaving her in the living room while I fix lunch are numbered. That's ok, who needs lunch anyway?

What's Kaylin up to?

What's Kaylin up to you ask? Oh, about two foot three.

Just kidding. It's been a while since I blogged and bragged about my little girl, so I thought I would update you all. (All three of you who actually read this.)

Kaylin is now seven and a half months old! I can hardly believe it. Where is the time going? Just yesterday she was our little three month old, lying on the floor staring at the ceiling. Now she's grabbing at everything within arm's reach, sitting up, rolling over, rocking on her knees, pivoting on her belly, pushing herself backwards across the floor, and standing while hanging onto things. It's amazing how quickly they change.

She's been sitting up for at least two months now, which means she can reach and grab for all sorts of things. And grab she does. And into the mouth it goes. The tooth fairy has yet to bless her with any chompers (thank god) but we're expecting them any day now. While she's waiting for her teeth, Kaylin is happy to put anything and everything into the mouth with the hopes of relieving some of the darned gum pain.

About a month ago Kaylin finally rolled over. We waited and waited for her to do it, and when she did finally roll I wished she didn't know how! Changing diapers on the floor is a new Olympic sport in our house. Five minutes of "diaper wrestling" leaves me breathless and ready for a nap.

As soon as she mastered the roll, she began pushing up onto her knees and rocking back and forth. You can see that she really wants to move but thankfully we have a little more time left to finish baby-proofing the house.

Sigh, I'm getting tired just thinking of what fun and excitement we have in store for us. Kaylin is a mover and a shaker. She's a bundle of energy who never stops moving. When she gets excited, her arms and legs practically vibrate, her fingers eagerly clutching the air for the toy you've shown her.

She's not a hugger, we've decided. If she puts her head down on our shoulder for two seconds we squeal, "She hugged me!" She doesn't have time to hug! She's got sights to see and textures to touch.

Who can blame her. The world is a marvelous place. And while I wait for my hug, I'll continue to marvel right along with her.

The baby paparazzi strikes again

I've added a few new pics of the little miss (who is now 7 months old!!) to my Flikr photo album.

Just click on the Flikr image on the right to enjoy some Kaylin cuteness in your very own home.

Enjoy!

Before I was a Mom...

A friend emailed this poem to me. I would normally find these sorts of things sappy, but this one made me cry.


Before I was a Mom

Before I was a Mom...
I slept as late as I wanted
and never worried
about how late I got into bed.
I brushed my hair and my teeth everyday.

Before I was a Mom...
I cleaned my house each day.
I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom...
I had never been puked on.
Pooped on. Spit on. Chewed on. Peed on.
I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts.
I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom...
I never held down a screaming child so that doctors could do tests.
Or give shots. I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom...
I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put it down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.

I never knew that I could love someone so much.

I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom...
I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.
I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy.

Before I was a Mom...
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache, the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom.
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much before I was a Mom.

Dressing my dollie

If you know me, you know that a super-stylish wardrobe is not my forte. I don't particularly love shopping for or trying on clothes. Maybe if I were a size 4 it would be more fun. Anyway, it's not my thing.

When Kaylin was first born I was worried that my lack of style would mean the same for my baby. If I can't dress myself, how am I going to buy and pick out clothes for my little girl? I struggled in the first few weeks to put together matching outfits for her. She's doomed, I thought. Poor thing.

However, as time went on more and more gifts of baby clothing arrived from friends and family. And the whole thing got a lot easier. Her clothing options expanded and suddenly I could mix and match all kinds of outfits! Gee, this is kind of fun. It's like playing Barbie all over again. (And just as much pink too.)

And then I started shopping for her! Wooo hooooo! Who knew the mall could be such fun? I would head out looking for socks for myself and come home with an adorable pair of baby jeans, a tiny sweater, and three sleepers with the little feet. Magically, when all your clothes are varying shades of pink and purple, everything matches.

Now, dressing Kaylin is like playing with my dollie every morning. I love looking through all her clothes and helping her be the cutest baby she can be. She probably could care less what she has on, as long as her chubby legs are warm. But I'm having a ball. And best of all, she distracts from whatever frumpy, baggy, third-day-in-a-row outfit I've thrown on.

Babies - they make great accessories.