Despite what this Blog might have you believe, the life of Kaylin isn't always wine and roses. No, Kaylin actually faces a number of issues which continue to make her life an uphill battle. The main problem (at least as I see it) is ME, her own mother. Maybe it's just a little of what I call "mother guilt," but I feel the need to confess a few roadblocks I've inadvertently placed in the way of K's healthy development.1. I'm negligent.
Case in point, Kaylin fell into the fountain at the mall last week. I turned my head for a second and in she went. After I yanked her out, I laughed. I laughed my head off for two minutes. OK, so the water was only about 2 inches deep and she only got her shoes and the front of her dress wet, but still...I was being a bad mother.
2. I'm letting her brain turn to mush.
Since we moved, I've done what I always swore I wouldn't do: let my child watch too much TV. (See the picture above. Not only is she staring mindlessly at the TV, but she's in the laundry basket, with laundry on her head!) Maybe I'm not being strict enough and should learn to say "no" more or maybe I just really like watching Dora the Explorer. I'm not sure. But either way, I'm being a bad mother.
3. I'm letting her waste away.
This one may be serious, it's too early to tell. K's doctor is worried because she's not putting on much weight. Yes, she's a thinner toddler. But she's always been long and lean. He's instructed me to give her all the fattening dairy she can eat and don't worry so much about those pesky low-cal fruits and veg. (Never thought I'd hear a doctor tell me that!) Anyway, it's been two weeks now and she hasn't gained an ounce. On one hand, I'm not worried because she's happy, healthy, and smart as a whip and clearly developing well. On the other hand, the mother guilt is becoming all-consuming to the point where I almost break down in tears when she refuses the odd meal. It must be my cooking, the type of yogurt I buy, the way I spread the cream cheese on the toast, the time I serve dinner at....it must be that I'm being a bad mother.
Sigh.
So there you have it. It's off my chest and I feel better already. Thanks for listening. Now, if you'll excuse me, I think Dora is about to start.
11 comments:
Right now, Kaylin is watching Peep and the Big Wide World, eating a marshmallow, building a block tower, and jumping...all at the same time. Meanwhile in the background Charlene is making eggs with cheese for the Kegger in an attempt to fatten her up.
Kaylin's healthy, happy, and super-active...the doctor on the other hand may or may not be a boob.
I will not hear of it - Char I see first hand you are an amazing mommy, Kaylin is happy, social and affectionate (my daughter knows the KK kisses). And besides the 'swim' in the fountain was damn funny!!! She was swimming and blowing bubbles. Or maybe she just wanted a new outfit.
Your a mommy and therefore you will always question every decision for the rest of your life. But trust me Char she is a great little girl and you are an amazing mommy!!! MWAH!
More importantly what are we doing for our playdate on Monday?
hmm..my advice: CHANGE YOUR DOCTOR!! Althought I don't have a doctorate..Kaylin is healthy,active...just perfect. Char, I am sure you are doing your best with the food (perhaps you just have a picky eater on your hands. My mom always told me that I was extremely picky eater and was skin and boens in jk -grade 4..and look at me now :-) Oh...maybe ..not the best example ..hee heee
Stop beating your self...you are GREAT!!! So you know, Nika dances to Ellen Degeneres' show and even asks for her when we get home from grandma's. So if you are a bad mom - so am I !!!
Andrea
1.What is she playing in?
Clean laundry? Good Mother.
Dirty laundry? Bad mother.
2. What is she watching?
Peep, Dora or The Mole Sisters? Good mother.
America's Most Wanted or CITY's Friday night blue movie? Bad mother.
3. What's in her sippy cup?
Milk, water or apple juice? Good mother.
Jack Daniels 'n' Pepsi? Bad mother.
Stop beating yourself up!!!!!
Thanks everyone. Those mothers out there know what these guilty days feel like. I just had to let it out and confess my guilt, no matter how unfounded it may be!
Sometimes you just need an online "hug" telling you that you're doing ok.
C.
Part of what has permanently etched the job of mother in my soul as my most endeared role in life anyone can play, is the fact that ones I think are doing the greatest job at it, are doubting themselves all the while.
Part of what makes a person valuable in this lifetime (or any other) is the process of continually, internally auditing themselves, and often thinking they are sinking when they are really swimming. Because it means they care about the footprints they leave.
As I see it, I hope that some of this post is jest. And while I realize that it is a very real cloud that mother's cast over themselves, I wish sometime you could see what I see. I see a caring mother who does a great job at putting her daughter's needs ahead of all else. And someone who does it with a pretty good sense of humour.
All the things you think you are letting Kay-Kay down with are things I was raised with, that despite what the experts will tell you how detrimental they will be (TV, turning your head long enough for her to get in trouble, not being able to say no), have made me into a non sociopath-pyscho-hateful-braindead-killer… in fact I am 33% normal.
The only thing you have to feel guilty about in parenting, Char, is not caring. And by god you are certainly NOT guilty of that. Just keep what you are doing, you and Brian, and I will keep on admiring from over here.
I say change the doctor too! If you Think your daughter is skinny minnie wait till you meet mine! Kids are kids and Moms are Moms. We do the best with what we have and there is no such thing as perfect... and I think guilt is one of those perks of being a great Mom :)
Char, I think the fountain dip was funny. I can see Kaylin exploring and learning lessons the hard way. Just think of it as character building 101. Please don't feel bad for laughing. You and Brian will have plenty to laugh at in the future. Kaylin is such a smart little cookie because of you and Brian and all the time you spend with her.
If Kaylin isn't sick, why try to make her eat when she's not interested in eating. Kaylin will eat when she is hungry. She looks perfectly healthy to me.
Please give Kaylin a hug from me.
Debbie
Nooooow I feel guilty for sounding so serious in my post! I started out kidding - the fountain was hilarious (no real guilt there) and the TV thing, well, I'm working on it. But once I started writing about her weight, I got a little too serious. It just sort of flooded out.
Anyway, thanks again for your support. The weight issue will work itself out, I'm sure. It's not that I'm worried about her weight - I KNOW she's fine. But the doctor is threatening blood tests if he doesn't see a change and THAT'S what's made me worried.
Gosh, I thought being a mom meant having to buy Fruit Roll-Ups and dressing my kids in cute clothes. Who knew it would be so much work and stress!
Grandma thinks Kaylin is such a lucky little girl to have a MOMMY as wonderful as you are Char. You spend so much time teaching Kaylin new things, allowing her to develop at her own speed. Which I might add is very fast.
Keep up doing just as you are, we love you.
There's nothing I can say that hasn't already been said. (By the way, John, what you said was absolutely beautiful! As a mom, I was really touched.) We all have our doubts about being a good mom, because we want the best for our babies. Kaylin is very lucky to have you care about her so much.
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