The joys of daycare

For those of you who tune in regularly (all three of you), you'll know that I've regretably returned to work while Kaylin has started daycare. It's been tough. I miss my days with my baby girl. When the weather is nice, as it was this morning, I long for the chance to go for a walk with Kaylin in her stroller and admire the fall colours. And when I'm feeling extra drowsy at work. I wish it was nap time so that mommy could have a nap too.

Alas, there are bills to pay, as I always say. Daycare does have its benefits, though. Kaylin started walking just before she began but was slow to practice her steps. Now, with all her little friends walking around, she's feeling the pressure. She's toddling all over the house now and even broke into what I would call a "speed walk" tonight.

She's also picked up lots of new signs. She knows to sign "more", "please", and "all done" during dinner time. She's also brought home the sign for "frog" and even has actions to show us when we all sing "Twinkle Twinkle" and "The Itsy Bitsy Spider". It's really exciting to know that she is learning new things every day.

Of course, Kaylin has also picked up something very bad at day care: a cold and ear infection. It's taken us over a week, but after two trips to the walk-in clinic, we seem to have this thing beat.

As for me, I've learned that I have a very special little girl and that the days just aren't the same without her.

A few pics

Just a few pictures of "Kay-Kay", as Kaylin calls herself when she sees photos of her adorable little face, including one of her brushing her teeth with daddy and one with her wearing her very first black t-shirt. Now she's just like mommy!

Kaylin's feeling "quity"

In an attempt to be more like her daddy, Kaylin quit her first job this week. Many of you don't know this, but Kaylin was a baby model...sort of. Let me explain.

Last month, the three of us were in Toronto for a visit to the Beaches, our old neighbourhood. It was a Tuesday. Tuesdays are also the day Sutherland Models' children's division, Kamera Kids, holds its weekly open call for new models. On a whim (and since we were already in town), Brian and I decided to see what baby modelling is all about. We really didn't think anything would come of it.

Well, of the ten or so children there, Kaylin was among three selected to join the agency. We were shocked (but not really, because she really is so cute, and I'm not just saying that because she's mine...ok I am). She might have the opportunity to do catalogues, print advertising and tv commercials.

I knew then that I was going back to work in September. But we thought, hey, what the heck. Maybe she'll land a $20K Baby Gap ad and I won't have to go back to work!

Maybe she'll land a $20K Baby Gap ad and I won't have to go back to work!

Ha ha. And then I woke up.

Unfortunately, the summer is the "off season" and the agency already has lots of baby girls on their roster. The Gap never called, nor did anyone else, and so I had to make a decision -- do we keep waiting around for Kaylin to get a modelling job (may never happen) and give up my job (a sure thing)? Or do we pretend it never happened and go back to our hum drum, non-modelling lives?

Hum drum won. And so, this week, Kaylin resigned from the agency. But if you hurry, you can still see her picture on their website (and not a great picture either -- see my site for those!!) -- www.kamerakids.com

D-Day

It's here. The day I've been dreading for over a year now: Kaylin's first day at daycare. As the first day of a two-week transition into our daycare, Kaylin and I spent an hour there this morning. While Kaylin had lots of fun playing with a room full of toys she'd never seen before, I was not so joyous. In fact, shell-shocked about describes how I felt.

I imagined this morning would be calm and quiet. I pictured a nice little meeting with Kaylin's daycare provider, telling her all about our normal routine, what Kaylin likes and doesn't like, what words and signs she knows. Then the provider would look at me, notice the worry and concern in my eyes, gently touch me on the shoulder and say, "It's all right mom, we're going to take wonderful care of your little angel."

Instead we arrived to loud children's music, a crying baby, and seven other little ones scrambling around crashing toys and other plastic objects to the ground. It probably took me about five minutes before I even considered putting Kaylin down. I was sure she would instantly turn around and give me the "pick me up" arms. But she didn't. She wandered over to a new-to-her toy and began playing. That made me feel a lot better.

In fact, she seemed to have a lot of fun this morning. She probably thinks we were at some fun place where kids meet to play for a while. Little does she know that she's going back there again tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day...

I'd better bring a box of Kleenex tomorrow.

Cake and cows

Kaylin has been (unknowingly) enjoying an entire birthday week. Almost everyday, she receives new packages to open and a new toy or book to enjoy.

Birthday week began at Grandma and Grampa G's house, where Kaylin was showered with gifts from Grandma and Grampa and Uncle Chris and Auntie Annette. She also enjoyed a healthy banana and yogurt "cake" while the rest of had totally unhealthy but delicious birthday cake. Also this week, Kaylin received a visit and a wonderful book from my friend Joanna, an adorable online Hallmark card from our neighbours who are out east right now, a wind-up (i.e. no batteries needed, yayy!!) TV from our other neighbours, a beautiful outfit and fun bath toys from our friends Nika and Andrea, and several wonderful books from Brian's business partner Pete. Thanks everyone!! You made Kaylin's birthday so special.

On Wednesday (the Big Day) I took Kaylin to one of her favourite places, the Toronto Zoo, where we saw giraffes, and gorillas, shared applesauce, and rode the Zoomobile. Kaylin also made the sign for "bird" at every pesky seagull she saw. Just after we arrived home, Kaylin received a beautiful bouquet of flowers with two balloons and two teddy bears from Meme and Pepe. She loves waving the balloons around and making the "sniff sniff" sign for flowers whenever we pass the bouquet.

That night Kaylin enjoyed her first birthday cake, a bizarre sugar-free recipe I found in one of my baby books. It wasn't bad, but I prefer the traditional cake myself! After cake Kaylin, daddy and I opened her gifts and played with her new Fisher-Price barnyard. She loves opening and closing the barn doors, dropping the animals into the hay loft, and laughing hysterically when the chicken makes its cluck-cluck noise. I love watching her face as she plays and discovers something new every time.

The best year of my life

Today (Aug 16) is Kaylin's 1st birthday. I can't believe it - where did the time go? Just yesterday I was at the hospital with a big belly and now I have a one year old who loves books and knows the sign for "hat." It's crazy.

I won't dwell on this momentous occasion, lest I flood the keyboard with sappy mom-tears. Let's just say this has been the best year of my life and I'm looking forward to dozens more.

Happy birthday my little angel! Love, mommy

I'm pointing at you!

First steps!!!!

It's official! Kaylin took her very first steps yesterday. We knew it was a matter of days until she did it, but I didn't expect it to just happen...in the kitchen...while I rinsed peas. That's not how it happens on TV!

How do people ever catch their children's first steps on camera? You'd have to be on standby for days, just hovering over your baby with the video camera in your tired, shaking hand. Needless to say, we did not do that, so I have no picture or video for you. But it went something like this:

Kaylin: [stands, crouches, stands, crouches, stands with arms stretched wide]
Mommy: [puts peas down, approaches Kaylin with arms stretched wide]
Kaylin: [takes first steps into mommy's arms]
Mommy: "Bwaaaaaaaahhhh, you did it! You did it! Bwahhhhhhhhhhh!" [continues bawling for five minutes]

It was one of the most amazing moments of my life.

Kitties, kitties everywhere!

Great news for all you cat-lovers out there; Kaylin has said her first official word, and it's "kitty". While she may have pronounced the "words" dada and mama a few months ago, she never made the connection to Brian or me. But now, when she sees her white stuffed kitty that meme gave her, she points emphatically and says, "ki-eee!"

It's like that scene from "The Miracle Worker" when something clicks in little Helen Keller's mind as Anne Sullivan holds her hand under the water pump in the yard and she begins to understand language. "She knows! She knows!" we scream throughout the house, "She understands!" (OK, so it's not quite that dramatic, but still thrilling nonetheless!)

Kaylin knows more words too. While she looks through her favourite picture books, we can ask "where is the apple/banana/puppy?" and she points at the correct image. It's amazing!

The funniest word, however, is "duck". For months I've been singing the song "Five Little Ducks" to her, which includes me making quacking motions with my hands. Now when we say the word "duck" to Kaylin, she quacks her little hands! It's sign language at its finest. She also waves and claps on command.

She's our own little trick pony! I always wanted a pony.

Tick tick tick ...

The clock is ticking for Kaylin and me. In less than two short months, I'll be back at work and my little baby will be in day care. Our glorious days together are numbered, and the worst part is -- she doesn't have a clue.

That has to be the absolute hardest part: knowing that Kaylin won't understand what's going on. Why is mommy suddenly not there? Where did she go? As far as she is concerned, things are how they are. Kaylin and mommy spend every day together. That's life, the only life she's ever known.

Unfortunately, the mortgage doesn't get smaller on its own and the line of credit won't pay off itself. So with heavy hearts, we're sending Kaylin to day care. It will probably be harder on me than her, or at least that's what I tell myself when I can't bear to imagine how those first few difficult days will be. But I know she's going to a great place, with care providers who believe the same things we do and who will respect and love our child (maybe not quite as much as we do). She's going to grow and learn so much. And she'll be surrounded by other active kids and lots of fun and challenging toys.

As for me, I'm going to be sad. There's no other way to put it. I will be terribly and utterly sad. What began as the most challenging year of my life has become the most joyous. Kaylin is a wonderful, happy baby and a pleasure to be with. So until that day care day comes, I'll continue to enjoy every little moment, marvel at every new discovery, laugh at every hilarious expression, and snuggle into every warm hug. I'm going to make every second last!

Zooming along

I've got about 2 minutes before my little angel wakes from her nap, so I'm just going to post a quickie. Here's a pic of Kaylin walking with her car (a hand-me-down from cousins Josh and Kim). She zips and zooms around the house like a pro now. (Special thanks to cousin Kiera for demonstrating the joys of walking a few weeks ago!)

Go, Kaylin, go!

And happy belated Father's Day!

Happy first day of summer!

Love,
Kaylin, the Bathing Beauty

You told me so

Alright, alright, I know. You told me and I didn't believe you. "CIO" (crying it out) probably is the most effective way to teach your baby to go to sleep on her own. We finally did it and it seems to have worked.

If you had asked me a month ago, I would have told you that there is no way I would let Kaylin cry it out. I didn't think she or I could take it. In fact, I was dead-set against it.

But when it got to the point where even two hours of rocking wouldn't help her get to sleep, we decided that we had no other choice. I mean, I tried to get through The No-Cry Sleep Solution, but it was looking like it would be weeks before the baby would be going down with minimal tears. And I was already at my wit's end.

First I went back to Marc Weissbluth's Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby, which I picked up before Kaylin was born. But I found Dr. Weissbluth's advice cold and too matter-of-fact for my taste. (And his "review" of Dr. Sears' book really angered me. I love Dr. Sears!) Desperate for another option, I bought Jodi Mindell's Sleeping Through the Night. This was the book I needed. It's easy to read, doesn't contain a few-dozen references to scientific studies, and spoke to me as a mother, not as some sort of Nap Nazi.

Mindell's plan was simple. After following a consistent night time routine, put your baby down awake. If she cries, go to her as often as you feel you need to, whether it's 30 seconds or 15 minutes later. Calm her down, without picking her up, and leave the room. Within a week, the baby should be going to sleep within 15 minutes.

Well wonders never cease. It worked (she says confidently, after only a few nights). The first six nights were tough. On average, Kaylin cried for 40 minutes each night. But miraculously, on night seven, she was asleep within 5 minutes. Same with the following two nights. And, the BEST part of all -- she is sleeping longer before waking for a feeding. One night she got all the way to 5:45am!

So, friends who told me about CIO, I stand corrected and a little more rested.

Cordelia's sweater

When Kaylin was born, our friends Ryan and Kari were kind enough to lend us mounds of baby clothes from their first born, Paige. Though we were blessed with so many gifts of clothing, we were still able to use several of Paige's outfits. My absolute favourite was this little cardigan.

Well Paige has a new little sister, Cordelia! So, needless to say, we returned all of the loaners to Ryan and Kari so they could dress their new bundle of joy. However, I must confess that not everything was returned. I still have the cardigan. I just couldn't let it go - not yet. But this weekend we are going to meet Cordelia for the first time and I am ready to hand the sweater over to its new and rightful owner.

I think I have puke in my hair.

I've reached another "mom" milestone tonight. I think I have baby puke in my hair right now.

Some of the earlier milestones I (and millions of mothers before me) have reached include wiping excess baby snot on my jeans because the kleenex were out of reach and scrubbing poop out of an undershirt in the bathroom sink. Tonight I have been puked on twice. It's a big night!

To tell you the truth, I'm not sure where the smell is coming from. The vomit-in-question might be on my pyjamas. But it's 12:30 in the morning and I don't think I should "blow my pyjama wad" just yet. I'd better save the other pair for when I'm sure the coast is clear of additional "pukie", as I'm now affectionally calling it.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot. That sound you hear is my husband puking his guts out in the other bathroom. Poor guy is worse off than the baby right now. I can only hope that tomorrow brings better things.

Happy Mother's Day!

Little Miss Stands-a-lot

It's a double-edged sword, really. You want your baby to grow and develop and learn lots of new things. You read about the "milestones" in all the books and feel proud and relieved as your child reaches each one. "She's normal!" you think to yourself. And if they reach a milestone a little earlier than average, you think, "oh my god, she's sooo gifted!" and want to brag about it.

But once your baby has mastered a new skill, you also secretly wish that they hadn't. Take standing for instance. What a great milestone! Kaylin learned to pull herself up to a standing position last week and we're so excited about it! Yayyy, she can stand! Yayy, she can see the room from a whole new vantage point! Yayyy....oh wait, she can also reach things we've left on top of chairs and tables. Oh wait, she can grab the remote control and spit all over it. Oh wait, she can stand up in her crib and, if she had a pole-vault pole, jump over the side!

Needless to say I've discovered a new state of mommy-alertness while Kaylin is roaming the house. I now know that silence is deadly; if I don't hear her chattering away or banging toys around I know something is up. (Like the time I found her standing on the second stair with a bottle of shampoo in her mouth.)

I guess you can't stop progress, or child development in this case. You can only stand by and watch...and put up five different baby gates...and remove anything from the room that isn't tied down...and cover all hard floor surfaces with blankets and pillows in case they fall...and never let them out of your sight, even to go to the bathroom, so you have to hold it all day until daddy gets home.....

Happy Mother's Day to new and not-so-new moms everywhere!

The Chicken - revisited

cluck cluck

My kingdom for some sleep!

Imagine you are in bed, sound asleep, peacefully dreaming away. Suddenly, you are violently shaken awake by someone. They shout, "Wake up! Wake up!" They demand that you sit up in your bed, keep your eyes open, and stay like that for 20 minutes.

After this rude awakening you fall back into a deep slumber, only to be startled awake two hours later. "Get up! Sit up and stay there until I tell you to go back to sleep!" So you sit up, trying desperately to keep your droopy eyelids from slamming shut. After the 20 minutes are up, you fall back asleep, knowing that it's only a matter of time before you have to endure this again.

Imagine this torture is repeated over and over again until morning. And imagine these nightly sessions are repeated night after night -- week after week -- for eight months straight. You are never permitted to enter that really deep sleep stage, you never feel well rested. Most mornings you can barely keep your eyes open. You are so tired that you sometimes cannot form simple sentences. You become forgetful, irritable, and foggy.

This is my nightly hell.

Ok, so I've kind of brought it on myself. Kaylin doesn't need to eat every two hours anymore. But she wakes up and she doesn't yet know how to get herself back to sleep. The fastest way to get her back to sleep is to nurse her. So I do, and I'm paying the price.

But I can't take it anymore! In an effort to change it, I'm about to spend the next few weeks using the plan laid out in my book "The No-Cry Sleep Solution". I'm trying to stay away from the "let her cry herself to sleep" route. I know, if you have kids you're probably laughing at me right now. But I'm going to try. Wish me...yawwwwwwwn...luck!