I heart baby toes

Kaylin’s birth story...and my final Baby Toes post

2009-08-16T22:46:00.011-04:00

My little baby girl turned 4 years old today. My life has changed dramatically in these past 4 years, so much that I hardly remember life before my children. I know it existed. I’m just not sure what I did with myself all day.

Now that there are two little monkeys keeping me very busy each day, I’m finding I have less time to spend on this blog. Also, I’ve found other outlets for sharing my news, photos and stories with many of my friends and family. So it is with much sadness that I say goodbye to “I Heart Baby Toes”. I’ll leave it up for a while, but I won’t be updating it anymore. I’d rather be spending my spare time sleeping or playing with my kiddies.

And so I leave you back at the beginning, Kaylin’s birth story. I’ve been meaning to write this down for myself and for Kaylin since she was born. While I’m at it, I thought I’d share it with you. Thanks for reading everyone!

Tuesday, August 16, 2005, is one of my favourite days, possibly my most favourite day of my life. Even though I worked harder on that day than I probably ever will in my life, even though I experienced more pain than I ever have in my life, it remains my favourite day. That is the day Kaylin was born.

I began having contractions early that Tuesday morning, around 4 a.m. but they were mild and irregular enough that I was able to get back to sleep. Later that morning the mild contractions continued but we still weren’t sure if this was the real deal or not. We were first-timers! To be safe, Brian stayed home from work and helped me time the contractions as we went about our morning. I had a shower, had some toast, and we watched TV. It was a beautiful, blue-sky sunny August day. Hot, but clear and gorgeous.

My midwives’ office called at one point that morning to cancel my scheduled 39-week appointment for later that afternoon because the on-call midwife had been at a birth all night and had gone home to sleep. Little did my midwife, Maysoon, know she was not getting any sleep today. She had another baby to deliver later that night...mine!

Midway through the morning we noticed the contractions becoming more regular and by 11 a.m. we paged my midwives to let them know. Poor, tired Maysoon called us back and listened as I went through a few contractions. She decided she would come over and check to see how far along I was. Within half an hour, Maysoon arrived and did a quick examination. It was almost noon and I was about 3–4 cm dilated. It was time to head to the hospital. At the time we were living in Ajax and I was to deliver at Markham-Stouffville Hospital, which was about 20 minutes away. Maysoon drove ahead in her car to get my room ready while Brian and I grabbed my bag and left shortly after.

Here’s where it gets interesting. At this point the contractions were pretty strong and I was in too much pain to keep my eyes open. So I tried to manage my pain through breathing exercises while Brian navigated his way to the hospital. This is a hospital that I passed every day on my way to work. Brian was not as familiar with the location, but was confident (as men often are) that he knew the best route. Well, 15 minutes into the (painful) drive Brian began to wonder where we were. I opened my eyes to find us driving somewhere in farmland. He didn’t know where we were and I wasn’t watching! In between contractions I yelled at him and together we found our way back to a recognizable road and eventually to the hospital.

By 1 p.m. we were in the delivery room. Much of the afternoon is a blur for me—literally. I wasn’t wearing my contacts that day and didn’t bother keeping my glasses on, since my eyes were glued shut in pain for much of the day. I didn’t need to see anything anyway, I suppose. I was so inwardly focused, trying to manage the pain without an epidural. I was given some nitrous oxide (laughing gas) shortly after arriving at the hospital. That was nice...so nice that my midwife had to pry the breathing mask out of my hands. Apparently I was relying on it a bit too much!

For the first 8 hours or so it was just the three of us in the labour and delivery room—me, Brian and Maysoon—trying various methods to help my labour along. There was a lot of swaying and hanging onto Brian’s shoulders. There was about an hour in the Jacuzzi tub during which Brian sat on the edge of the tub and rubbed my back almost the entire time. (He discovered the next day that spending an hour bent over me like that caused him to throw his back out. Poor Brian, what a wonderful birthing partner.) There was a lot of apple and orange juice sipping and ice chip sucking on my part. Besides the toast I had early that morning, this was the only fuel I had in me. My midwife wanted me to eat, but I couldn’t fathom it. Brian, however, was able to get out and grab something to eat, though the time he was gone and not right at my side felt like an eternity.

Labour continued on throughout the day and each time Maysoon checked me I had progressed a little further. And each time she checked the baby and found the heartbeat to be strong and steady, she happily exclaimed that the baby “is so happy!” That gave me a boost of confidence each time. I must have been doing something right. By about 9 p.m. the secondary midwife arrived, which meant the baby would be coming soon too. I can’t quite remember, but I pushed for about an hour—not fun. I was so tired and just didn’t want to do it anymore. But once the baby’s head begins to appear and the midwives are telling you that your baby girl is blonde, well, you find a reserve of energy you didn’t know existed. You are close enough to touch your baby, you are minutes away from meeting her! But it wasn’t until the secondary midwife told me to “get mad” that I really pushed...and I mean PUSHED! And at 10:32 p.m., my beautiful Kaylin Elizabeth was born. She was 8 lbs and 21 inches long. The midwives immediately put Kaylin on my chest. I will never forget that smell—graham crackers. She smelled like graham crackers to me. And she was so pink and warm. So tiny and so perfect.

When Kaylin was born, Brian cried. I don’t remember if I did or not. It’s a pretty overwhelming experience to watch your child being born. I was mostly ecstatic and relieved that the pain was over and my baby was here. And I was on the post-birth high. I could have run a marathon at that point, if I only I could have stopped shaking from exhaustion. Brian, who before this day was unsure how he would do during the birth, bravely cut the cord. I was really proud of him.

It had been a long, long day and I would have stayed the night at the hospital. But Maysoon was concerned about an infection that was going around the hospital and encouraged us to head home with Kaylin that night. We were happy to oblige. The thought of our own bed was glorious! At 1 a.m. that morning, we put our tiny little baby into our car and drove back to our house, no longer just two—we were now a family of three.

Happy birthday Kaylin! I love you so much, sweetie pie!

Maks’ birth story

2009-08-09T23:00:00.007-04:00

Maks O’Brian was born on the most beautiful, sunny, warm October afternoon, ten months ago today. Once he made his decision to come into the world, he set his determined little mind to it and got it done quickly. And as we know now, that is just so Maks.

My labour pains started at about 4 a.m. on Thursday morning. I wasn’t exactly sure at the time that I was in labour, due to the increasingly painful Braxton Hicks contractions I’d been having that week. I got out of bed (which was no easy feat at 37 ½ weeks!) and watched a little TV, hoping things would subside. It quickly became apparent that this was it. It it.

Just the day before, my midwife told me I could take Tylenol and Gravol during labour to help take the edge off. But I figured I had a few more days or even weeks to stock our medicine cabinet with these. Ooops. So I woke Brian up around 4:30 a.m. and asked him—as nicely as a woman in labour can—to run out to the drugstore for some pain relief. In the meantime I paced the living room. And paced. And paced. Where was Brian? More importantly, where were my drugs? I tried his cell phone—no answer. Maybe he really didn’t want to change diapers again and high-tailed it out of town. Who was going to hold my hand during the birth...Kaylin? Finally, about an hour later, Brian reappeared. With regular strength Tylenol and English Muffins?! ENGLISH MUFFINS? Oy, this was going to be a long day.

By 7 a.m. my contractions were mild enough that I could still grin and bear it, but regular enough that it was time to call Grandma and set the take-care-of-Kaylin plan in action. I called her on her cell, only to learn that she was driving OUT of London, in the opposite direction of me and my contracting belly! This was not good. First Brian ditches me to shop for English Muffins, now his mother is leaving me too. But she assured me she would over to help with Kaylin well before Kaylin's little brother arrived. And she was.

By 10 a.m. my contractions were still 12 to 15 minutes apart, but completely manageable. Grandma was here now and kept Kaylin occupied while I paced around the room, trying to carry on small talk while clutching the furniture with each painful contraction. Brian thought now would be a good time to install the car seat. Thankfully Brian is a car seat pro, so I wasn’t too worried. Just VERY ANNOYED that he was out in the driveway while I was in labour. But I digress.

At 11 a.m. I decided a warm bath would ease some pain and help keep my mind off things. That worked for about 3 minutes when I suddenly seemed to transition. A particularly terrible contraction caused me to shoot up out of the tub, my head knocking the suction-cupped toy holder behind me off the wall. As quickly as I could I hauled my bulging belly out, got dressed and went back downstairs. Following a few more difficult contractions, I told Brian to page the midwife. People ask how you know it’s time to go to the hospital. Well, you just know.

My wonderful midwife Binh called back immediately and surveyed my condition by listening to me go through a couple contractions over the phone. Somewhere in between those contractions I broke down sobbing, telling Binh, “I don’t want to do it again!” The “it” being give birth. But Binh, always a calm, soft-spoken woman convinced me that everything would be fine and reminded me to take deep, long breaths. Those deep breaths are what got me through the birth. I’ll get to that part in a minute.

Binh told me to go to the hospital, that it was time. As luck (or fate) would have it, she was already there and made sure there was a room ready for me. Brian and I hugged our first baby, Kaylin, good bye and headed out. When we got to the hospital, I incorrectly instructed Brian to go the wrong entrance. (He correctly decided to not question the woman having the baby.) But that entrance had no place to park the car, so he dropped me off and left for what seemed an eternity to park. While I waited I double checked the location of the maternity floor with the info kiosk. I was dismayed to find out we were at the wrong end of the hospital. Brian met me a few minutes later and we proceeded to walk the LONG walk to the other side of the building. It didn’t occur to us to grab a wheelchair! Looking back, maybe that walk helped things along.

At about noon, my midwife met us at obstetrics and took me into a room to see how far along I was. By this time the contractions were coming pretty strong and hard, but I was breathing through each one and still able to talk a little in between. I think we were both shocked to discover I was already 8–9 cm dilated! The baby was coming sooner than we thought. Crap. Binh told Brian there wasn’t even time to go back to the car for the camera.

Binh wheeled me to my room and began prepping for the birth while Brian helped me through each contraction. As with Kaylin’s birth, I had made the decision to not get an epidural. The way I see it, billions of woman before me have given birth without epidurals, so I could too. I wasn’t comfortable with some of the risks associated with epidurals and I certainly didn’t want to slow down this labour or decrease my ability to get this baby out in any way. I wanted him out ASAP!

Now, the next hour is a bit of a blur of moaning, deep breathing and sweat. Sounds like a dirty movie, but trust me, it was not even close. Between each contraction, I barely had enough energy to keep my eyes open. I sat quietly on the bed and tried to conserve all my energy. The room was pretty quiet. By this time a second midwife, Jennifer, had come to assist with the birth. Binh and Jennifer were alternately checking on me and preparing for the baby’s arrival. It was nice, if I can say that about labour and delivery. The sun was streaming through the window. The four of us were all relatively calm (maybe not me, so much). There were no doctors or nurses coming in and out of the room. And that is exactly how I wanted things.

By 1 p.m., it was time—time to push. It was a bit like a Hollywood birth; there was a lot of screaming, I won’t lie. But my midwives were amazing, instructing me to scream as loud as I needed, whatever I had to do, just do it. At this point, I just wanted to stop the pain and meet my son. Finally meeting my baby boy was all the motivation and pain relief I needed. So for 20 minutes I pushed. And I knew I was almost finished when I looked up at Brian and saw his tears of joy. That meant he could see the baby’s head. The hard part was done. A few seconds later, my beautiful son Maks was born—1:20 p.m. on a beautiful, sunny Thursday afternoon. Seven pounds, four ounces, and twenty-and-a-half inches long.

The post-birth high is something I’ll never forget. At the time I thought I was elated because the labour was over and the pain was finished. But looking back, it was the pure rush of giving birth, plain and simple. The high lasts a good day or two. There is really nothing like it on earth.

As with Kaylin’s birth, we chose not to stay at the hospital overnight and instead take the baby home after a three-hour recovery period. The baby was fine, and except for a few stitches, I was great (see the "post-birth high" above), so we gladly bundled Maks up and proudly brought him home, a little less than 5 hours after we had arrived at the hospital that afternoon. We went in at lunch and were home by dinner. Not bad for half a day’s work! Not bad at all.

Happy 10 months, my little man.

Kindergarten and crawling

2009-06-14T14:42:00.002-04:00

Oh, what I wouldn't do to have 10 more hours in a day. Nobody told me (or at least I wasn't listenening when they did) that having two children would be so much more work than having one. I just can't seem to get a thing done around the house these days! But on the bright side, having two children means twice as many hugs and wayyyy more giggles around here. So I'm ok with that.

Can you believe that Maks is already eight months old? And our sweet girl Kaylin is almost four years old and is preparing to start Junion Kindergarten in just a few months. Kaylin has been to her new school several times for some fun orientation visits and she is more than ready to be a "big kid." She is writing her own name now, dressing herself and is practicing her address. I know she's going to love school and I can't wait to watch her development and imagination take leaps and bounds. She also loves being a big sister, although since Maks started crawling and grabbing her toys away from her, she may feel differently.

Maks is, well, he's definitely a little boy. We like to call him determined, for lack of a better term. About a week after he learned to roll over he was up on his knees trying to move forward--mainly in an effort to reach his big sister's toys. Within a few weeks he mastered crawling and about a week after that skill was ticked off his to-do list he decided he needed to stand up and see the world from a new vantage point. So he's now standing at the furniture and cautiously cruising around. And no one is happier about this than Maks. Once he gets himself up on the couch or TV stand, his face just lights up. And as you can see from his smiley mug in the photo above, that's quite a marvelous sight to behold! Really, it's not hard to get Maks to smile. All he needs is a woman (any woman will do) in the grocery store chatting to him and his smile spreads from ear to ear. He's also loving his solid foods, his favourite of which seems to be Cheerios. We often find him under the kitchen table nibbling on the ones that got away during his last meal. Gross, I know, but it gives me a few more minutes to tidy up and get ready for his next adventure in foodland.

So there you have it. Life here is busy but fun, crazy but always entertaining.

The yellow flowers

2009-05-10T23:09:00.006-04:00

Being a mom is really hard, I'm finding out. It's physically demanding, mentally exhausting, and emotionally challenging. I suppose it will always be that way. From the minute those labour pains started to the day I die, it has been and will always be that way, to some degree or another.

That's not to say motherhood isn't wonderful. It's sort of like growing a garden. You put your heart and soul into it, you work hard at it, you love it and tend to it. And some days you are rewarded with beautiful blossoms that you can stand back and marvel at, proud that you actually grew something so lovely. And other days you do nothing but hunch and strain over that garden, pulling weed after weed, battling with the garden that seemed like such a great idea back in the spring. At the end of the day you are exhausted. But overall, you love gardening and would never give it up.

It's the same with children. You want to give your children so much, as much as you possibly can. You love them, care for them, nurture them in so many ways. And most days their shining faces just light up your day. And you think that this is really all you need in life. But there are moments, difficult moments, that make you question yourself and your decision to be a parent. At the end of the day you are exhausted, but you love being a mother with your whole being and could never dream of another life.

It's Mother's Day and I got the most lovely gift from Kaylin this afternoon--a beautiful bouquet of dandylions she picked from our neighbour's boulevard. While the rest of us see weeds, my little girl sees pretty yellow flowers. And for the first time, I saw pretty yellow flowers too.

Happy Mother's Day.

Stare all you want

2009-04-04T23:06:00.001-04:00

26 Reasons Why It's Wonderful to Have Kids

2009-03-29T22:26:00.006-04:00

Word on the street (literally, I heard this out on my street) is that Brian's recent post on what it's like to have kids has frightened a few people who have yet to have children of their own. So, in an effort to calm any prospective parents out there, I'd like to offer a slightly sunnier view of parenthood. Trust me, it ain't all bad. It's actually quite lovely most days.

26 Reasons Why It's Wonderful to Have Kids

To you, your own children's giggles are the most musical, heavenly sound on earth.
Seeing the world through fresh and innocent eyes. Why DO geese honk? I don't know Kaylin, but I'll look into it for you.
Kids' clothes are just so darned adorable, especially fresh out of the dryer when they're all warm and clean.
Tiny toes and fingers...even if those tiny Maks toes are often sweaty and smelly and always have navy blue lint between them.
Babies are never mean or spiteful, like many adults can be. They'll never cut you off in traffic or be rude to you on the phone. Babies are nice people to be around.
Kids are always ready to dance with you, whenever the mood strikes.
Kids' TV shows--though seemingly annoying at first--can be quite fun to watch.
One word: hugs.
There is so much cool baby and kids' gear out there, and although it can get pricey you can always justify buying it by (inappropriately) equating expensive baby gear with better parenting.
Toothless baby grins are hilarious. Much funnier, and less creepy, than toothless great-grandfather grins.
When you have kids you finally get to find out exactly how little sleep you can function on. And you're always surprised at how little that actually is.
You get to enjoy lots of coffee! (See #11 above.)
Holding your sleeping baby for just ten minutes can bring you as much calm and internal peace as a whole hour of overpriced yoga. And you don't need to squeeze into tight pants to do it.
The pride you feel when your preschooler writes her name for the first time is ten times the pride you felt earning your own university degree.
Having kids gives you an excuse to colour with crayons and finger paint.
Cooking for your children exposes all the holes in your own diet. Not until I had kids did I discover that I rarely eat vegetables before 5pm.
Though waking up with the kids at the crack of dawn is hard some days, you get to see the most glorious sunrises--and with your favourite little people by your side.
You become desensitized to handling all sorts of bodily fluids. (I think this is a good thing.)
Babies laugh at almost anything. They make you believe you are actually funny.
Childbirth really is a mind-blowing miracle.
You have an excuse to eat macaroni and cheese at least once a week.
If your kids are cute they usually distract people's attention towards them and away from your worn clothes and messy "I-didn't-have-time-for-a-shower-because-the-kids-were-up-at-dawn" hair.
Babies don't seem to mind if you kiss them all day long, or at least they can't yet form the words of complaint.
You get to experience new "firsts" every single day, from big ones like first steps to little ones like a first taste of cotton candy--all magical in their own right.
As long as your kids are safe and healthy, the rest of your problems seem managable and somewhat small.
Hearing your baby say "I love you" makes your heart burst out of your chest. And there is no better feeling in the world.

This is all I have time for

2009-02-16T23:44:00.008-05:00

Brian is (again) hassling me to update my blog, but who has time anymore? Some days I forget to pee, I'm so busy. But of course I'm more than happy to share some recent pictures of the kiddies with you so you can at least witness the amazing rate at which my children grow. Do they all grow so fast? Sad, isn't it?

Here are some of my favourite moments and pictures from the past few months.

Some of Maks' first smiles, from early December. Look at all the hair he had back then!

Maks and Kaylin sharing some special sibling time.

Daddy making Maks smile.

Kaylin wearing her Pepe's glasses.

Pepe rocking his grandson to sleep at Christmas.
Kaylin, anxiously awaiting the start of her first ballet class.

Kaylin doing her "princess walk" in ballet class.
I love this picture of Kaylin, running with her scarf -- being her free and happy self.

Daddy holding his little man.
Maks, in mid-February, hanging out in his sister's bed. Notice how much hair he's lost!

The one and only Maksimo!

The "reality" behind Kaylin and Maks

2008-12-16T21:22:00.009-05:00

We tried, we really did. Brian and I really do like traditional, normal names for kids, but in the end we have chosen two somewhat unusual names. It's hard to walk that fine line of common names vs. very unique and unusual names. But I think we did ok. And hopefully our kids won't be teased too much.

So just how did we come up with "Kaylin" and "Maks" you ask? Well, I'll be honest: I've named my children after reality TV personalities. It's sad but true. It's not that I'm a reality-TV junkie or anything (OK, maybe I am), it just turns out that there are a LOT of reality TV shows out there and I happen to have heard two names I love from two of them.

Here is the original "Kaylin":

She was a contestant on America's Next Top Model when I was pregnant and I liked both her and her name. Apparently so did Brian, so we went with it. Her name is actually spelled "Kahlen" and I wanted to use the spelling "Kalen" with our baby. But Brian filled out the paperwork right after the delivery (while I was slightly incapacitated) and chose the spelling he preferred -- "Kaylin" -- which, looking back, was a perfect decision. Unfortunately, Kaylin gets called Katelyn a lot, but I'm ok with that. I love her name and is suits her to a T.

Now, here is the original "Maks":

This is Maksim Chmerkovskiy, or "Maks" for short, and he's a dancer on Dancing With the Stars. But let me get one thing straight--I do NOT watch this show (ok, I've seen it a few times, but I don't watch regularly, I swear). I was channel surfing one night, early in my second pregnancy when I saw the name "Maks" underneath this man's picture and fell immediately in love--with the name, not the man. I have a thing for the letter "K", can you tell? Anyway, while I'm not a fan of the name "Max," I do love "Maks". I think it's the Eastern European sound of it. "Maksim" is not only a Russian name but also Hungarian, and since I am 1/2 Hungarian on my dad's side, I thought this was even more appropriate. I never thought Brian would go for it, but I guess I argued my case well because in the end we went with "Maks" and not "Tiberius," which was Brian's first choice. Eek.

So there you have it...Kaylin and Maks. Two unique names inspired by reality television. And a sad comment on my common choice of leisure activity. I really must get outside more.

Life with Maks

2008-11-25T21:01:00.004-05:00

As you can see, it's been over a month since I last posted. It's not because I have nothing to say about life with our expanded clan. In fact, it's because of our expanded clan that I haven't had the opportunity to post--life is just far too busy these days. Who would have thunk that having two kids would be so, um, what's the word....challenging? I won't bore you with the details. Many of you have more children and busier lives than me. But for those of you without children, let me sum it up by saying that there are days where I don't have time (or maybe I just don't remember the importance of this simple act) to pee. I have gone over 8 hours without doing so. Then again, maybe I'm just turning into a camel.

So, what is Maks like you ask?? He's pretty wonderful, not that I'm biased. He's what you'd call a "good baby" who cries maybe less than a total of 20 minutes per day. Grunting is another story. Maks has a whole symphony of grunts and groans that he graces us with throughout the day. He sounds like a cross between a goat, a cat and a squeaky door.

He's also a very VERY hungry baby. I seem to be nursing him every 1-2 hours. It may be just life's cruel way of giving me what I want though. During Maks' first few days we had a lot of breastfeeding problems to the point that he was drinking expressed milk by bottle only. I was heartbroken, fearing he would never nurse again. I thought I had lost him to the bottle and was willing to do anything to "get him back." I'm happy to report that ten minutes with an amazing lactation consultant was all it took. Maks has been nursing...and nursing and nursing and nursing...ever since. So I really can't complain. This is what I wanted and I'm thrilled that the bottles are back in the closet.

My days are generally spent parked on our sofa with a nursing pillow on my lap. Which would be fine if this were my first baby and I could watch movies all day long. But poor Kaylin is getting the short end of this stick. She too is relegated to the living room, forced to play by herself while mommy feeds Maks. We do get to play "Eye Spy" a lot, and she has her fill of cartoons throughout the day. But I feel a lot of guilt about how her life has been temporarily altered and I cherish my alone time with her much more now. Thankfully, she loves her baby brother (a little too much actually. I'm not sure Maks appreciates all the kisses and hugs she gives him) and is only slightly annoyed that mommy can't play with her as much.

Life will get easier, this much I know. In the meantime, I am enjoying my little man Maks and feel blessed that our perfect little family has gotten just a little more perfect.

He's here!

2008-10-20T17:16:00.005-04:00

Mere hours after the below post, Mr. Maks O'Brian made his glorious (and rapid) entry into the world. (And may I say I was extra-tired during the labour because I was up late the night before posting that, so you're welcome!) Born at 1:20 p.m. on Thursday, October 9, Maks was 20.5 inches long and weighed 7lbs 4oz.

He was in quite the hurry to get out. After 6 hours of mild early labour, things alarmingly sped up aroung 11 a.m., so I decided to call my midwife. After hearing me go through a single contraction, she agreed it was time to head in. Out of sheer luck, she was already at the hospital...which was wonderful considering she lives 40 minutes away.

Brian and I quickly made our way to the hospital where, this time, I was the one who got us lost. (That was Brian's job last time.) After meeting up with the midwife at about noon, I was shocked to discover I was already 7-8 cm dilated. She immediately called for the secondary midwife and we were off to the races. To make a short labour story even shorter, an hour of intense pain and 20 minutes of pushing later, and baby Maks was born. Brian and I couldn't have been happier. He is perfect and beautiful. The best part? We were all home enjoying dinner just 3 hours later. Pure bliss!

And what about Miss Kaylin you ask? Well, she loooooves her baby brother! Almost too much. She and I are currently battling to see who can give him the most kisses...and she might be winning.

Patience is a Virtue

2008-10-08T23:25:00.005-04:00

Well, no babies yet. We're down to less than 20 days till our estimated due date and all is quiet on the fetal-front. So I'm just trying to be patient and enjoy what little time I have left to shop, eat junk food, and wear a normal, non-nursing bra.

But as Kaylin will tell you, I'm not the most patient person in the world. A few weeks ago, we were in a four-car line-up at the bank drive-thru when I--obviously exasperated--exclaimed something to the effect of, "Oh, come on!"

Kaylin, in her ultimate toddler-wisdom, instructed me from the back seat on how to be more patient.

"Mom, you can't get frustrated," she told me, "you just have to wait your turn!"

So true, little person, so true.

And so, I am not getting frustrated. I am just waiting my turn to have a second baby. I promise, Kaylin.

One more month...or less?

2008-09-23T20:36:00.005-04:00

I know, I know, it's been over a month since I updated this. But I've been busy nesting, what can I say? The countdown is on until monkey #2 arrives...less than 5 weeks till the due date! However, my midwife told me today that 37 weeks is considered full-term, so the baby's "free" to come in two more weeks.

TWO MORE WEEKS?!?!

But, but, I'm not ready! Yes, the baby's room is painted and all the furniture is set up. Yes, all the tiny sleepers and onesies are washed and put away neatly. Yes, I have several packs of diapers ready to go. Yes, I bought some new BPA-free bottles. Yes, we even bought a new stroller. Then what's the problem, you say?

To be honest, change scares the crap out of me. Naturally, things are going to change around here--and more than likely, a lot. All things considered, life with a three year old is pretty easy. Kaylin tells me when she needs something. She feeds herself (and very neatly I might add). She can put on her own shoes and socks and pants. She even fetches things for me and tells me jokes. How great is that? But this baby, this tiny helpless baby, is going to be a giant ball of need for months. Months!

And yet, I can't wait to be needed again. I love that Kaylin is so independent. I'm very proud of her and everthing she can do. I encourage her independence every chance I can. So it will be nice to have a little tiny bean who desperately needs his mommy. Yeah, that's going to entail many sleepless nights and bags under my eyes large enough to hold my groceries. But it's also going to mean teeny-weeny baby noises, itsy-bitsy toes and fingers, first smiles, first giggles, first words and first steps...first everything. I'm really excited about going through it all again. And I'm excited that Brian is going to have another male to bond with (and team-up against us girls with, as we do to him all the time) and that Kaylin is going to have a little buddy to play with and grow up with.

So, whether monkey #2 arrives in two weeks or six weeks, life is going to get pretty wonderful around here. I'm not sure how many more times I'll update this blog between now and then...but stay tuned for the thrilling conclusion to our ongoing saga here at Chez Baby Toes!

What's more painful: labour or cake decorating? (also, Kaylin turns 3!)

2008-08-18T17:15:00.003-04:00

Our sweet girl turned 3 this past weekend. I can hardly believe it. I look back at pictures of her when she was 3 months old, 9 months old...she doesn't seem like the same person. But then sometimes I watch her as she sleeps and it feels like she was only born yesterday and I could still pick her up and cradle her like a tiny newborn. Sighh, how time flies.

And speaking of time, how much time do you think it would take to make a Dora the Explorer birthday cake? Well, I'll tell you in a minute. Let me start by saying that my first mistake was asking a 2 year old what kind of cake she wanted for her birthday. Of course Kaylin wanted a Dora cake. Who am I to stand in the way of a Dora fan and her celebratory baked goods?

To be sure, I asked her again several times over the past few weeks and her answer was always "A Dora cake!" OK, I thought, sounds like fun. The week before her birthday, I rented the Dora pan, baked the cake and bought a few more containers of cake decorator's food colouring to ensure Dora's t-shirt and backpack were accurately depicted. (I wouldn't want to disappoint Kaylin with an inaccurate icing-rendering of her favourite cartoon character!) All I had to do was decorate the cake the night before the party. Easy.

Easy, unless you are suddenly stricken with your 5th sinus infection of your 7-month pregnancy that same day. Sick or not, there was no turning back. Dora couldn't arrive at the party naked. She had to be iced. Fighting back a throbbing sinus headache and blowing my nose every 15 minutes (and then washing my hands thoroughly each time, I promise!) I started mixing the many colours required to make Dora around 9:30pm. To make a long story short, I did not finish that cake until 1:30am. (It's mixing all the colours that took the longest. Why doesn't Dora match her clothes better instead of wearing yellow socks and red shorts? Incidentally, a woman in line at the Bulk Barn told me it took her 2 hours to decorate her Dora cake. Liar!!) I don't think I sat down that entire time and had to hobble up to bed that night.

As I lay in bed, trying to will my back muscles to stop spasming, I wondered to myself, what's more painful--delivering a baby without any pain medication, as I had done 3 years earlier, or spending 4 solid hours decorating a Dora cake when you're already sick, tired, and carrying an extra 35 pounds around?

I'm still not sure. But I do know that seeing Kaylin's face after each experience--after I delivered her and after she saw her Dora cake for the first time--made both nightmares dreams come true!!

Happy birthday Kaylin, my beautiful three year old!

"No more diapers for me"

2008-07-23T07:25:00.002-04:00

First of all, sorry for the sporadic posts, but baby #2 is beginning to wreak havoc on my back and sitting for long periods in this computer chair is probably the worst culprit. So I haven't been spending as much time at the computer as I want.

Now, back to Kaylin. She continues to grow into a "big girl" right before our eyes, by leaps and bounds no less! She's turned into the quintessential three year old (a month before her third birthday, but that's ok)--making up stories and songs, chatting to her herself all day long, being silly and funny and just generally, well, three! It's hilarious to watch, though I can see how some parents grow weary of the constant preschooler questions. (Every book we read these days results in a lengthy question-and-answer period, like "Mom, why does that cow have that ring in his nose?" (he's a bull...then I have to explain what a bull is...), "What does 'on the loose" mean?", "What's 'don't tell a soul' mean?", "Why is that horse dancing with a pig? Horses don't dance with pigs!" and on and on. Honestly, I do love being witness to the curious mind of a child, but some days...well, let's just say I'm learning to read Kaylin's books more quickly in the hopes of bypassing the questions.)

We're also knee-deep in potty training here! We started about three weeks ago when I took the plunge and put Kaylin in some "big girl underwear" so she could finally experience the wonderful world of wetness. The first time she peed, she looked down in amazement and said, "It leaked!" As incentives, Kaylin picked out some Strawberry Shortcake underwear and receives a few fruit-flavoured mini-marshmallows when she has a successful trip to the potty. (What can I say, she's my kid and easily motivated by sugar.)

From there we were lucky enough to receive a fantastic potty training video from cousin Bradyn, who is also on the road to dry undies, called Potty Power! The video is directed at preschoolers and features such classic songs as "No More Diapers for Me" and "Wipe Your Bottom". The songs are cute and catchy (so catchy they stick in mom's head too!) and the video really focuses on the differences between babies and big kids. That has been the big step for Kaylin. She sees that she's becoming a big kid and has really developed the confidence and understanding to use the potty regularly. Accidents are becoming fewer and more far between and that's all I could ask for. She sings her Potty Power! songs while sitting on the potty or washing her hands and is really proud of what she's accomplished. And she doesn't always remember to ask for her marshmallows, so I think we're on our way. We're just going to keep at it and continue to watch our big girl blossom!

Boy oh boy

2008-06-24T21:39:00.003-04:00

Well, if ultrasound technology is as accurate as they say, then it looks like we're having a boy! It wasn't a total surprise to us. I mean, the Chinese gender-predicting calendar said it was a boy (and it was right with Kaylin too). My own "mother's intuition" felt this one was a boy. And my neighbour told me we were having a boy--the same neighbour who is happily managing twins with way more finesse than any new mom should possess, so I know she has developed some sixth sense when it comes to babies.

I will be honest. I have mixed emotions. Not really about having a boy. Well, ok, I am a bit nervous about how different a boy will be. As Brian will tell you, I don't handle change well. And this is a big change. I'm used to girls. I'm used to all the lovely pink clothes (which I never thought I would enjoy, but I so do!) I'm used to the little dolls, the tea sets, the princess crowns, and the play jewelry. And as I found out during a recent playdate with Kaylin's friend Jacob, I know nothing about sports. (And not to stereotype gender preferences, but they really seem to develop naturally in children.)

In reality, I am very excited about having a boy. Having a second child is thrilling enough, but having one of the opposite gender is going to be fascinating, I'm sure. And I'm happy for Brian too. Sure, Kaylin enjoys looking at comic books with him, and she knows the names of several characters (her favourite being Beast Boy, of course). But someday that interest will be replaced with a love for all things Hannah Montana. So it's nice to know that daddy will likely have someone who can join him in his Marvel universe.

What I'm a little sad about is Kaylin's clothes. I have bins and bins full of girl's clothes and, more importantly, memories of my first little baby who wore all those clothes. It's going to be hard to say goodbye to those one day. Maybe I'll keep them around for a few more years...who knows what the future holds!

Happy Daddy's Day, to the best daddy around

2008-06-15T15:19:00.004-04:00

Just a simple note to say Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there, especially the dad I live with every day, Brian. If Kaylin knew how to type, she would be the first one here to say "thanks for being so amazing, daddy!"

Here are a few pics to celebrate the day: one of Brian and his little girl before heading out to see Diego Live, and another of Kaylin showing off her wooden climber that Brian built for her without any kits or instructions--just love for his daughter (combined with a love for power tools).

Happy Daddy's Day, Brian!!

It must be all the sleep we're getting

2008-05-23T21:40:00.003-04:00

I don't know if it's the warmer weather and sunshine, all the sleep that we're getting now that Kaylin regularly sleeps though the night, or the fact that she is just growing up--but life with my toddler has been pretty wonderful lately.

I can't even remember the last time Kaylin had a full-blown tantrum. Most of the time she is a happy, smiling, singing cutie-pie who just makes my heart glow. She says the funniest things like "Mom, can you do me a favourite?" or wishes me a "happy birthday" even though my birthday is months away. She spends hours singing her favourite songs and nursery rhymes, pretending to be Strawberry Shortcake or Dora the Explorer, reading "Handsome and Gretel" with me, and having picnics complete with "watermelon soup" on the living room floor.

When Kaylin was an infant, learning to talk and walk, I used to look at her and get an overwhelming feeling of pride and love that would wash over me and take my breath away. Everytime the feeling struck, it almost brought me to tears. That's the only way I can describe it. But I haven't had the feeling for many months. I thought maybe it was something you only feel when you're a new mom, like the first months of falling in love. The overpowering sensations you feel when you see that person fade to a deep love over time. It's not that you love them any less. Just that the "newness" has worn off. I thought maybe the "newness" of my baby had warn off.

But lately, I'm having that feeling again. The things Kaylin says and does astound me and move me. I'm so proud of the person she's becoming--her incredible and witty sense of humour, her compassion for other people, especially babies, and her creative imagination. I still can't believe this amazing person calls me "mom". How lucky am I?

Bye bye sooder

2008-05-06T17:26:00.005-04:00

As a parent, you want your child to always feel as safe and secure as possible--especially when you can't be there every single moment of the day to hug and soothe them. That's why we've always been comfortable with letting Kaylin have a soother.

As a newborn, Kaylin wouldn't even take a soother. It took a couple of months before she began using one regularly, and by regularly I mean at nap and bedtime. As the months passed, we also let her use it if she was very upset and needed additional comfort beyond what our hugs and kisses could provide, whether it was after a bump on a table corner or a particularly terrible temper tantrum.

I knew one day the soother (or "sooder" as we all called it) would have to leave us, but I wasn't sure how or when. In fact, I really dreaded it. How on earth was I going to wrangle that piece of plastic and rubber away from my child's death grip? And how would she ever fall asleep again? All I knew was that it was not going to be a pretty sight.

Thankfully and remarkably, Kaylin gave up her soother all by herself.

It started with the biting. She began gnawing on the soother, piercing the tip and rendering it useless. I frantically replaced the first few broken soothers because I didn't have a "soother withdrawal plan" in place yet. But soon she was biting through them within minutes of getting a new one.

So we moved to plan B. We let her live with her broken soother. She wasn't biting the end off completely, so there was no danger. She even willingly threw one of her soothers away, telling us she was a big girl (but then quickly asked for her other soother a while later.) Soon, the true purpose of the soother was lost and she was asking for it and we were giving it to her out of habit.

Then, while on a weekend trip, we were away from our normal routine just enough that she didn't ask for her soother one night. I grasped the opportunity and ran with it! Nights became weeks and suddenly Kaylin no longer asked for her soother. Amazing. Problem solved!

Who knew it would be so easy? No tears, no bribes or rewards. No tantrums or pleading. Just a little girl, growing up and moving on.

I think I'll miss you the most, "sooder"!

Monkey #2

2008-04-18T19:59:00.003-04:00

Well, if you haven't heard by now or if you haven't seen my expanding belly lately, allow me to proudly announce that we're expecting baby #2 this October.

Yes, we're very excited.

No, we don't know we're having yet.

And yes, Kaylin knows. We told her very early, possibly too early. Now she has to wait and wait. Not that she really cares. She really has no concept of what it means to have a sibling, so why should she. But she does tell people from time to time that she's going to be a big sister. Her exact words are: "I'm going to be a big sister and teach the baby to be a monkey, ooh ooh aaah ahh!"

So get your bananas ready. Monkey #2 is coming!

Our big girl

2008-04-06T21:21:00.002-04:00

Kaylin put her own sock on today. I kid you not, it was really exciting. It's just one in a long line of thrilling things our "big girl" has been doing lately. Here are a few more, just to give you a sense:

She does up the buckles in her carseat by herself. It takes about 5 minutes and makes us late wherever we go, but she does it herself.
She's been using the potty intermittently and even goes into the bathroom on her own, shutting the door behind her, telling me she's going to do it herself.
She's sitting on a normal kitchen chair--no more booster seat!
She put her own toothpaste on her toothbrush today.
She can "read" me a few of her books from front to back completely from memory! That one amazes me.
She calls us "mom" and "dad". She also calls us "guys," which is the funniest thing ever.
She can ride her tricycle a bit. It's going to take more practice, but her first time out this spring was a big success.
She tells us all the time that she's a "big girl" and she can do things all by herself.

Of course, it's all bittersweet. You never want your child to stop being your little baby. You want them to stay small, and sweet and completely hugable. In fact, I tell Kaylin to stop growing all the time. But like any two year old, she never listens!

Where did the last month disappear to?

2008-03-24T19:59:00.002-04:00

Brian has been badgering me to update this Blog, but as usual, I feel like I have nothing new to report. In fact, I have even less to report because I have been sick for a few weeks and am only now coming out of the fog. I feel like a lost an entire month. Well, actually, I kind of did.

What started as a dry, irritated throat turned into an awful throat infection and fever which then turned in an evil head cold that finally developed into a nasty cough. It's probably the sickest I've been in years. But the worst part about being so sick wasn't the actual sickness. I could take pain relievers and suck on cough drops or eat popsicles to help my symptoms. No, the worst part was that I still had to be a mom while I was also sick.

I had no energy to play or go outside, so for days on end poor Kaylin spent a lot of time either playing by herself or watching cartoons--which I'm sure she didn't mind at all. Snacks were not so much carefully planned and executed healthy combinations of carb/protein/fruit but often a handful of Goldfish crackers tossed in a bowl. That's all I could muster most days before flopping myself back onto the couch to watch more Dora.

The dishes piled up until Brian got home each night, groceries ran low until Brian stopped off at the store, and laundry formed a dangerously high mound until Brian tripped over it and finally tossed a load into the washing machine. And as much as that sounds like a vacation for me, it was hell. I hate mess and clutter. But I was willing to accept it for a while if it meant I could remain slumped in the armchair a little longer each day.

That being said, spring is here! Yes, there's still snow on the ground but the sunshine is feeling warmer and Kaylin and I are finally venturing out into the real world. And although she loved watching all her favourite cartoons over the past few weeks, I think she's even happier that her dance partner, book-reader and playmate is back.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times

2008-02-27T22:18:00.003-05:00

As some of you may know, Brian and I were fortunate enough to join several of his coworkers and their significant others on a fantastic five-day trip to Las Vegas this month. We've been to Vegas before, but a vacation is just that much sweeter when your children are not with you and someone else is footing the bill. It truly was a wonderful and much-needed break for both of us. (That's a photo of our hotel, in case you were wondering what life looks like when someone else foots the bill.)

Of course, with the yin comes the yang. We returned from five glorious and sunny days to the largest, most foreboding storm cloud you've ever seen: our sick and cranky toddler. Maybe it's just the juxtaposition of carefree and child-free luxury against the humbling and depressing normalcy of wiping toddler snot every five minutes, but last week was a real low point for me.

It wasn't even the snot. Snot is no biggie. I can handle snot or anything else a toddler body can spew at me. (And I did handle other spewings, trust me.) It was the whining, clinginess and tantrums that just about did me in. Oh the tantrums. Our record was five in one day.

Though it was just a few days ago, I look back on the whole experience like I do childbirth; I've miraculously managed to block out the pain. All I can recall at this point is flustered haze of tears and stomping feet...and that was just me!

Either way, it looks like the worst is over. Kaylin is feeling better and somewhat reassured that mommy and daddy won't be leaving her for another long vacation anytime soon. And I am battered and bruised, but happy to have my smiling girl back with me. I wouldn't trade that gorgeous smile for all the winning slot machines in Vegas.

I missed it!

2008-02-10T22:04:00.001-05:00

It was straight out of some TV sitcom. Kaylin used her potty for the very first time since we bought the potty 10 months ago...and mommy missed the big event by 30 seconds!

It was another normal night here at the House of Kaylin. Just before bath time, she stripped down to what she calls her "nudie bum" and ran around like a madwoman. We finally corralled her into the bathroom and, as she does most nights, Kaylin enjoyed a little story time while sitting on her potty. I left her and Brian for one measly minute (to use "the potty" myself), only to come back to excitement and cheers from behind the bathroom door. "What happened?" I queried. "She peed!" Brian exclaimed.

But, but, I just went down the hall for a second! But, I've been waiting months and months for this moment! But I've read her all the necessary books about Elmo using his potty and how Ernie doesn't use diapers anymore and even a book that lets you flush Grover's pee down a little toilet! But, but....I missed it!

OK, the fact is, I know that I will get to see Kaylin use her potty more times than I care to imagine over the next few years. So it's ok that I missed the first time. And I'm happy that daddy got to enjoy a big "first" this time. It was pretty exciting for him. I've been witness to many miraculous firsts so the least Kaylin could do was save a few for daddy.

Now, if we could just get her to do it again...

I need 86% more photo albums

2008-01-31T20:54:00.000-05:00

This past Christmas, Brian and I limited the amount we spent on each other and instead invested in a digital SLR camera. Though you can't conveniently pop it into your coat pocket like a point-and-shoot, the SLR takes some damn fine shots. My crappy photography skills are greatly improved and the number of shots of a blurry, moved-too-quickly-for-the-camera Kaylin are reduced to almost nil.

Here are a few recent shots of our curly-haired cutie (mostly because I don't have anything to write about these days, but also because you probably need a good hit of Kaylin right about now).

A bowl full of cherries

2008-01-12T06:56:00.000-05:00

While at the grocery store yesterday, Kaylin and I picked up some cherries, one of her favourite fruits. So it was no surprise that she requested the same cherries for her afternoon snack. Well, that turned into one of most fun snack times I've experienced in a while.

I pulled a chair up to the sink so that Kaylin could stand and help wash the cherries. What a great washer she is! She picked up each little cherry by the stem and held it under the running water. Then she carefully put each one in a bowl, while I started to halve them and remove the pits.

But half-cherries are no fun of course. So Kaylin dove on the whole cherries. As she bit each cherry, dark red juice dripped down her chin and all over her white shirt. This would normally send me into a panic. "Stop! That's going to stain!" But on this day, I could care less. All I felt was pure joy watching my little girl's face light up with each dripping bite of cherry.

And now I know why they say "life is a bowl full of cherries."

K's Top Five of 2007

2007-12-30T00:21:00.000-05:00

As you may recall, I mentioned in one of my previous posts (this one actually) that I am generally not fond of uneven years. So you can imagine my relief that 2007 is almost over. Not that it was a bad year. It was a stressful year. We sold our house and moved to a new city. I quit my job. Brian wondered, very early in the year at least, whether he had made a good move to his new job. But all that stress is behind us now. Life is great and I, for one, am looking forward to even more good times in 2008.

This is traditionally where a "look back at 2007" would go. But Brian suggested I do something different. So to spare you any sappy mommy-memories , I present...

Kaylin's Top Five Albums of 2007 (aka "What Kaylin demands we listen to when we drive around in the car"):

5. Raffi, Singable Songs for the Very Young
There was about a week in March where the only song Kaylin wanted to hear was "Aikendrum". And you know what? I was ok with that. Also, this was the CD that taught Kaylin the words to "Down by the Bay" which she continues to butcher to this day.

4. Regina Spektor, Begin to Hope
Kaylin calls this one "A-ha", as in, "I want to listen to A-ha Daddy!". You have to listen to the first track, Fidelity, to know why. Let's just say that it's cute when she says that and move on.

3. Raffi, The Corner Grocery Store
Even more Raffi! If it weren't for his version of "Frere Jacques" lulling a screaming, tantrumming toddler to sleep on more than one occasion, I think I might have gone back to work about eight months ago.

2. Tegan and Sara, The Con
Probably the first non-children's CD that Kaylin "let" me listen to in the car. After one listen she actually started requesting it. But all she knew was that some girls were singing. So, to this day, she asks for "The Girls". I'm always happy to oblige a request for The Girls.

1. Jack Johnson, Sing-A-Longs and Lullabies for the film Curious George
We've been playing this CD for Kaylin long before she ever saw Curious George. But I think her love for the music was solidified once she watched the movie. Now she connects the two and never fails to tell me, while track 1 is playing, that Georgie is sad and he needs a soother to feel better. (She, of course, is referring to the film's moving opening where George is sad about being alone.)

Brian and I love music. So to know that we're helping to inspire a similar love in our little girl is pretty great. To quote a line from Jack Johnson, "This is how it's supposed to be."

Happy New Year everyone! See you in 2008.

Fa la la la la

2007-12-19T16:10:00.000-05:00

I'm not sure, but I think I had my first real taste of what it means to be a parent at Christmas time.

I had decided to buy Kaylin a babydoll set (doll, stroller, basinet, etc.) for Christmas and spent many trips to the toy aisle staring hopelessly at the assortment of dolls available. Some cried, some had blinking eyes, some wet themselves (no thanks, I have a real one already). Finally, I had found the exact one I wanted in the Canadian Tire flyer. But between Brian's recent late nights at work and the end of the Canadian Tire sale, I only had a tiny window of time when I could go and buy the doll. So I rushed out on a cold, slippery night to get it.

When I got to the store, there were only a few dolls left. But I only needed one. I grabbed the least banged-up box there and walked triumphantly to the checkout, beaming as I imagined my little girl's face as she ripped the wrapping paper off the box on Christmas morning. And as I strolled out to my car, freezing rain beating down on me and my new purchase...well, the only way I can describe it is to say it was just like that scene from The Grinch. I think my heart grew three sizes that day.

Now I understand why millions of parents stand in long department store lines, fight and struggle with other parents over Cabbage Patch Kids and Nintendo Wii's, and spend more than they can afford just so they can have that special present for their child under the Christmas tree. (Note: I do not condone the last two actions!)

Merry Christmas everyone! Wishing you short checkout lines and fight-free purchases.

Advice from a semi-pro*

2007-12-08T22:11:00.000-05:00

Our neighbours are expecting twins in the new year and to celebrate this we and a few other neighbours surprised them with a baby shower today. It was a wonderful co-ed shower, where conversation topics ranged from sports pools to nipple cream. There were no shower games--unless you count the poker game--but there was lots of eating, drinking and chatting and really, what else do you need?

What we didn't get a chance to do (at least those of us who already have kids) is impart to the parents-to-be some sage advice about raising children. So I'll do it now. Because let's face it, I have one 2 year old. I obviously know everything there is to know about kids! OK, the fact that Kaylin rarely eats vegetables and watches far too much TV may demonstrate otherwise. But too bad. R&J, if you're reading this, here are some things you should know.

1. As everyone will tell you, sleep when the babies sleep...oh wait, you're having twins. Who knows if they'll ever sleep at the same time. OK, nevermind that one.

2. For the first few weeks, when you're both too tired and overwhelmed to even make toast, don't let anyone through your front door unless they have food in their hands. Actually, this should be a rule for everyone, babies or no babies.

3. Newborns are comforted by noises that resemble the loud shushhhhhing of the womb, such as radio static or blow dryers. Running a blow dryer near your baby will help it fall asleep. Pointing a running blow dryer at your baby will not.

4. Breastfeeding a baby burns a lot of calories so you make sure you have lots of high-colorie snacks on hand. Breastfeeding twins may even require a regular diet of McDonald's fries and KFC gravy for the first few months.

5. Your babies will change everything, but only for the better.

Congratulations R&J! We can't wait to meet the babies when the time finally arrives.

*Alright, just some useless suggestions from an often-confused mom

Living with NO

2007-11-28T14:53:00.000-05:00

Welcome! Welcome to the world of NO! where every question posed to your toddler is answered with a resounding NO! Do you want supper? NO! Do you want to wear your hat outside? NO! It's a lovely little stage of development we like to call "The Terrible Twos."

Alright, it's not that bad. Well, actually, some days it is. The Terrible Twos have arrived at our house and I, for one, am ready to pack their bags back up and send them on their merry way. They crept into our house slowly, starting with a tiny tantrum here, a few uncalled-for tears there. Then, one day, the word NO came out flying out of Kaylin's mouth. It flew right out, shot across the room and landed behind the sofa. And we haven't been able to catch it since.

At first, we didn't mind living with NO--this little word allowed Kaylin a little more control over her world. We initially saw this as a good thing.

"Would you like carrots in your mac and cheese?"
"NO, I don't want carrots mommy."

Fine. I can live with no carrots.

But this past week, NO has grown into this horrible monster who stands next to Kaylin all day long and lunges at Brian and I when we ask the most innocent of questions.

"Do you want to colour a picture with me?"
"NOOOOOOOO! I don't want to colour a picture!"

"Can I change your diaper?"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Don't touch my diaper!!"

"Will you please wear your coat in the sub-zero weather?"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! I don't want to wear my coat!!!"

Sigh. What are you gonna do? NO has the upper hand right now. Starting a fight with NO just results in a lot of tears, crayons strewn across the floor, and exhaustion on all fronts.

All we can do is hope that NO gets bored and decides to move on. Until then, if you see Kaylin outside with no coat on and a very wet diaper, don't blame me. Blame NO.

This is your toddler on drugs

2007-11-17T22:35:00.000-05:00

In response to my "woe-is-me" post last month, my wonderful friend Jo invited me to her lovely Toronto home for a weekend of toddler-less fun. And let me tell you, it was pretty fun. We shopped in stores filled with breakables, we sat in a coffee shop and chatted about grown-up things, we ate dinner in front of the TV and we even went to a late movie (where I found the energy, I'll never know). To top it all off, I didn't roll out of bed until 10:30. It was a little slice of heaven. (Thanks again Jo and Rich!)

But as great as those blessed few hours were, I still missed my little gnome back home. I made it back just in time on Sunday night to spend a few cuddly moments with Kaylin in her rocking chair. By Monday morning, she and I had a lot of catching up to do. While I didn't think she'd care to know much about my weekend, she obviously had lots to tell me about hers. Now, in general, Kaylin talks a lot. But I have never heard her talk so much in her life! The funniest part was, very little of it made sense. I fear someone slipped something into her Rice Krispies. You be the judge. Here are a few examples of what I heard that morning:

"I'm a crab. Look at me shake my body!"
"I have a hummingbird in my nose; daddy has a dinosaur in his nose."
"I said hi to the moon."
"I see stars --red, green, blue, yellow..."
"I need to help the baby with scissors. Snap snap snap snap."
"Remember the bee, went up in the sky to get honey??" [This is Kaylin's way of referring to The Bee Movie, which she saw with B the weekend before.]

Perhaps her Krispies were clean after all. (Can't say yet, the drug test is still out at the lab.) But I like to think that our little mouse just has a very vivid imagination.

Noah...er, Nemo the Loot Bag

2007-11-09T15:53:00.000-05:00

We're proud to announce the arrival of our newest family member, Nemo (a.k.a. Noah--see explanation below) the fish. Nemo was Kaylin's "loot bag," the take-home gift she received for attending her cousin Besmah's baptism. I have to say, it's the most interesting loot bag I've ever seen.

When we got home from the baptism, we asked K what she wanted to name her new fish. Well, we had a bit of communication breakdown, it seems. Kaylin is very much my daughter in that she often speaks softly and mumbles her words. And oh yeah, she's only two. So when she named her fish, I could have sworn she said "Noah." I was so pleased. What a great and original name for a fish and how smart for a two-year-old to come up with Noah! Gee my kid is great.

But as the days passed, Kaylin began correcting me when I called the fish Noah. And yet other times, she would also refer to him as Noah. Well, she straightened me out today when she exclaimed over lunch, "No mommy, that fish s'not Noah, that's Nemo!" And she was mad about it too.

I stand corrected.

Candy!

2007-11-01T15:54:00.000-04:00

What do you do when you spend $30 on an adorable Halloween costume for your toddler? Well, you go trick-or-treating to ONE house, of course!

Last night was Kaylin's first taste of trick-or-treating. Unfortunately, she slept through her first two Halloweens. Her first year, she dozed in her snuggly chicken costume while daddy carried her around the neighbourhood. And last year she was so worn out from a fun day at daycare that she was asleep before we could take her out. Even so, she wasn't old enough to understand the rituals of Halloween or to eat candy.

This year, she was old enough to know that it was a special night. We started the evening at Grandma's house so that Brian could hand out comic books (and promote his biz) to a larger "audience" of kids. (According to our neighbours, only 10 or so kids came to our end of the street.) But when asked if she wanted to put on her costume and go out, Kaylin replied that she wanted to watch TV. This was just fine with us. It was too cold and windy last night anyway.

When we got home from Grandma's, we were able to convince Kaylin to put on her lion costume and knock on our neighbour's door. It was her first and only stop, but it was great one! She was so thrilled the get candy in her pumpkin-bucket. Candy! she exclaimed. She couldn't get over it. With the wind whipping at her mane, our little lion headed back home, dumped out her bucket (she scored five little chocolate bars from one house - thanks guys!!) and counted each piece. She was one happy lion. It was the best Halloween I've had in a long time.

Gastump saves the day and where did our babies go?

2007-10-25T14:31:00.000-04:00

For the first time since we moved in March, Brian and I visited our old stomping grounds this weekend and had a fantastic time catching up with some family, as well as some old friends. While we really miss everyone in the Ajax/Whitby area (well, not everyone, just the people we know there), we were quickly reminded of one of the major reasons we left the area -- the traffic!

Our first stop was to Kaylin's old daycare, where we were expecting a joyful surprise reunion with her favourite former teachers Debbie and Jen. Well, Jen just happened to be sick that day and Debbie...well, Debbie no longer works there! (Debbie, were you sick of the traffic too?!) So sorry we missed you.

Next we visited our friends and former neighbours, Jay and Jill, at their beautiful new house. Brian received some helpful tips on electrical wiring while Kaylin showed Jill and I how to decorate a coffee table with rocks and candles. Then the three of us hightailed it out of there before we could help clean up the dinner dishes. Thanks for a great visit guys! Please visit us soon.

We spent the weekend at Uncle Dennis and Auntie Tina's house in Brooklin where Kaylin was reunited with her favourite fluffy cousin, Gaston the kitten (or, "Gastump" as K calls him). All I have to say is thank goodness for Gastump. Kaylin had so much fun playing with him and all his toys that she slept really, really well...and I got my first nine solid hours of sleep in months, maybe years! Yayyyy Gastump!! If I weren't allergic to you I'd kiss you all over. Thanks for being such wonderful hosts D&T. We have an opened, partially-eaten bag of "hot cereal" for you as a thank-you gift!!

Before we headed back to London we spent some time with Kaylin's "first friends," Tasha and Nika. The three girls were all born within six weeks of each other (Kaylin and Tasha were actually due on the same day) and their moms and I spent many an afternoon chatting about motherhood, celebrating baby milestones, and marvelling at how quickly our little girls were growing. It's only been eight months since we last saw Tasha and Nika, but I can't get over how grown up our little ladies have become! Let's just say each toddler has developed a mind of her own. It's was wonderful seeing all of you again and we hope we can set up another playdate in the very near future!

Here are pictures of our girls then...and now. (They're a little squirmier now)

What about me?

2007-10-16T20:44:00.000-04:00

Just before our weekly yoga class was about to begin, my friend asked me when was the last time I went away without Brian and Kaylin. When was the last time I got away by myself? I couldn't give her an answer off the top of my head.

I spent the first half of that yoga class trying to remember a time I went away for a night and left Brian alone with Kaylin. There must be at least one time! This was really breaking my concentration; my downward dog was getting sloppy. Think, think, think. Aha! I remember, there was that weekend in Montreal with my three girlfriends...oh wait, I was 6 months pregnant at the time. Hmmmm, nothing else is really coming to mind.

OK, so I guess I haven't been away by myself in some time. That's not good, is it?

I spent the last half of that yoga class dreaming of where I could go for a little "me time." Would I hop a plane to some warm climate and sip fruity daiquiris on the beach? Well, that's a little out of my time- and price-range. Maybe a night visiting friends in another city? That could be fun, but they're all so busy with their own lives. Perhaps a weekend at my parents' house, cleaning out my childhood bedroom and eating (a lot of) my mom's delicious cooking? That might work.

Wherever I decide to go, I just know that it's time. It's time for me. I need to be able to hear myself think. I need to not plan my day around nap schedules and snack time. I need to sit down for a meal before the meal starts, not after everyone else has what they need and are already eating. I need to be selfish. I need to feel like me again.

Whatever I decide to do, just know that there will be NO diapers in my purse, there will be NO Raffi playing on my car's CD player, and there will be LOTS of sleeping on my part. It's going to be good.

Being thankful

2007-10-07T23:29:00.000-04:00

After being in London for just over seven months now, I can say without hesitation that moving here was probably THE best decision Brian and I have ever made in our lives. Just this past week, the stars seemed to be aligning. Everything is going so well for us right now, knock on wood, that I’m actually a bit giddy about our future. Giddy!

Brian’s really found his niche at work; he is inspired and confident. And he gets good bonuses. Yayy for bonuses. We can afford to pay our property taxes!

As for me, well, where do I start? Staying at home with Kaylin is such a treat. She’s really into having living room picnics right now. Twice a day we sit together at a 16 square inch doll blanket (sometimes with a stuffed monkey named Ralph, sometimes not), eat raisins and pretend to drink from plastic cups. Need I say more?

And, with Kaylin as my excuse, I’ve developed some wonderful friendships with some amazing women. They are moms who, like me, are just trying to “keep their shit together”. No supermoms here. We get together at least once a week and vent about life. And we drink a lot of coffee while our children yank toys out of each other’s hands. Play dates really are excellent therapy.

To top it all off, I just got my first gig doing some volunteer writing and editing for a local parenting magazine. My plan to become a freelance copy editor is taking shape quite nicely. (I’ll let you know more about this after I get a few assignments under my belt.)

Add to this some great neighbours, wonderful family - most of whom are even closer, and the fact that it’s autumn, my favourite time of year. Well, as I said to Brian tonight, I’m very happy.

Tales from the crib

2007-09-19T15:49:00.000-04:00

Kaylin is getting her “big girl bed” today! So exciting to watch my daughter move from her baby crib to her toddler twin! Maybe she’ll be one of those kids I always hear about who don’t even know they can get out of their bed without mommy or daddy. This is going to be great!

4pm: I showed Kaylin her newly-delivered bed and let her jump on the mattress, hoping she will get excited about the concept of her big bed. Yayy, big girl bed!

6:30pm: We had “big girl bed day” cupcakes to celebrate the special occasion. Sweet and delicious.

7:30pm: Hmmm, maybe not such a good idea to fuel the toddler with sugar before bedtime.

7:40pm: Brian dismantles the crib and we wave “goodbye” to it. Kaylin doesn’t seem to mind that her crib is out of the room. Gee, she’s so easy going.

7:45pm: The new bed is set up! Hmmm, also maybe not a good idea to encourage the toddler to jump on her bed. She seems to think it’s a trampoline. Oh well, I’m sure she’ll figure it out.

7:50pm: I let Kaylin pick the sheets for her new bed. She picks the all pink ones. Well, not the ones I would have chosen, but, what the heck, she’s a big girl now!

8pm: Put Kaylin to bed. She’s not asleep yet, but she looks pretty drowsy. I’m sure it will be a matter of minutes.

8:01pm: Kaylin ran out of her room. Ha ha, isn’t that cute? She’s so grown up! I gently escort her back to bed.

8:01:45pm: Kaylin ran out of her room again. Hmmmm, this isn’t going as well as I had hoped. I give her a serious gaze and escort her back to her bed.

8:03pm: Kaylin came out of her room and asks me to rock her in the rocking chair. Hmm, well, I guess I can do that. I do like rocking her. Ok!

8:10pm: I rock her for a few minutes and lie her in the bed. She looks like she’s going to go to sleep. That wasn’t too bad, but I mustn’t rock her tomorrow! Must help her to sleep on her own. Must must must!

8:11pm: Kaylin came out of her room. Gee, I sure would like to go watch some TV. The Fall line-up’s starting, you know. I sternly say, “Back to bed Kaylin!” and watch her jump into bed. Good, she’s starting to get the idea.

8:15pm: Kaylin comes out of her room. Sigghhhh, this isn’t fun at all. I’m starting to miss the crib already. We really shouldn’t have had those cupcakes. I escort her back to bed.

8:19pm: Kaylin stands at her door, calling for me. This really isn’t going well. I’m desperate. I offer to lie in bed with her for a few minutes, just to help her get settled. I won’t do this every night, just tonight. Hmmm, these pink sheets are really soft. Oh, and this is a great pillow. I should buy one for myself. Maybe it will help if I pretend to go to sleep. Yeah, that should work. I’ll just close my eyes for a sec......zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

There are no words

2007-09-17T14:00:00.000-04:00

I've been in a bit of a slump lately, feeling sorry for myself and complaining about my "oh-so-tiring" existence as a stay-at-home mother. Just see my last post for a refresher.

Well, I quickly snapped out of it this weekend after reading a short news article in the Toronto Star. We've all read about them before..."mother charged with abuse after child brought to hospital with two broken ribs..." or "father charged with assault after infant found with bruises on back..." Unspeakable things happen to tiny children every day. It breaks my hearts, as I'm sure it does yours. I don't normally read these articles. I'd rather not know that all this is happening outside my front door.

But this weekend I read one. I read the whole article. And by the end I was sobbing. To sum it up for you, a mother came home to find her two-year old daughter sitting up in bed and crying, her face scalded by hot water to the point that her eyelids were sollen shut and large sores were forming, while the girl's father sat in the living room watching TV.

The man claimed it was an accident. He argued that he didn't have any money to take the little girl to the hospital in a cab. So, instead, he watched TV while this innocent little girl sat alone in her bedroom, crying, burning, wondering what she had done to deserve such a fate and knowing that she couldn't find any sympathy or love in the man who sat out in the living room. This tiny toddler stayed in her little bed, in pain, for hours, until her mommy came home and took her to the hospital. I cannot fathom how someone can hurt a small child and leave them to suffer just steps away. Even worse, I can't even begin to imagine what deep sadness that child must have felt, knowing that her own father wouldn't do anything to help her. I hope I never come close to experiencing such an emotion.

I read this and all I wanted to do was wake Kaylin up from her nap and hug her and tell her I love and tell her that her mommy and daddy will never, ever let something like this happen to her.

I also felt a renewed joy in being a mother. I have the energy, the will, and the resources to give my child a wonderful life. How lucky am I? So many parents don't and so they lash out the only people they know can't fight back - their children.

I guess I just want to sa that I'm in a particularly thankful spirit right now. I'm "snapping out" of my tired-mom mood and I'm going to keep trying to be the best mom I can be. Because that's what every child deserves, especially my own.

At least I'm not alone

2007-09-06T14:11:00.001-04:00

It's 2pm on a Thursday afternoon and I'm frustrated, tired and annoyed. It's one of those days where I wish I worked outside of the home just so I could get a coffee break. It's Kaylin's nap time but she has been bouncing around in her crib for over 40 minutes now. Meanwhile, I'm in the next room losing my mind.

Yes, staying at home with Kaylin has its definite advantages. I don't miss a single moment of her day. I get to do all sorts of fun and interesting things with her. We sometimes hang out in our PJs until 10am. And I can get a hug and a kiss from her any time I want. I really do love it.

But, as I explained to Brian the other day, being a stay-at-home mom is like any job. There are days that you love your job and days that you want to quit.

And when someone's been "on the job" for hours on end without any time to stop and have a break, it's not unreasonable for that person to get tired, cranky and irritated--if not a bit irrational--when things aren't goint well. I mean, we've all cursed at the office printer for refusing to print that overdue report, haven't we? So it's completely normal that I might get a little short with my toddler when she exerts her own will and refuses to sleep. Right?

I used to think I was a bad mom because I sometimes got frustrated with Kaylin. But I was relieved and, to be honest, thrilled to find out that the other moms in our playgroup have all felt the same way! Who knew?

That's why I look sooooo forward to getting together with other moms on a regular basis. It's comforting to open your front door to find that same tired, "I-hardly-slept-last-night" look in someone else's eyes. It's nice knowing that you're not alone in the sometimes-scary world of child-rearing. And it can be scary, let me tell you!

Well, it's been almost a full hour of crib-bouncing. I think I've lost my coffee break today. I'd better go spring the toddler from her "prison" so we can carry on with our day. Maybe I'll get that break tomorrow. Maybe not.

Kaylin sings the hits!

2007-08-30T22:15:00.001-04:00

I've wanted to post this video for a few weeks, but our MovieMaker software has been down for a while. Without further adieu, here's Kaylin singing one of her favourite songs, "Down By The Bay", which, incidentally, she learned from riding around in mommy's car with the Raffi CD blaring.

Turn it up loud!

Happy 2nd Birthday Baby Doll!

2007-08-16T00:16:00.000-04:00

Wow, how time flies. Two years ago this morning, I was sitting in the living room of our old house, timing my contractions together with your father's help, completely unaware of how drastically our lives were about to change. I would have never guessed then that two short years later you would become the most amazing person I had ever met.

Today you are two years old! (I actually have a two year old!) I've said it before and I'll say it again, your new toddler sentences blow me away. Last night, in the bath tub, you told me you needed a towel. I don't even know if you've said the word "towel" before.

I can't even recall a time when you didn't speak in sentences...how did we communicate three months ago? How did I know that you needed or wanted anything? How quickly I forget.

Possibly better than sentences, however, is the singing. I love your singing! I could just eat you up when you sing "bicycle!" at the top of your lungs to Queen's "Bicycle Race". You've helped me get over my own fear of singing in public. Now we happily belt out tunes as we stroll through the grocery store or walk through the park.

I don't care who hears me, I'm just enjoying my duet while you'll still sing with me. One day you'll say what I used to say to my mother all the time: "Mom, don't sing!" Until then, we will sing and sing loudly!

I could go on, but I know that these wonderful times are just the tip of the iceberg of what we have to look forward to together. Happy birthday Kaylin. Even though you are two years old now, and you're more a little girl than a baby, you'll always be my "baby doll".

Love, mommy

Who are you and what did you do with my baby?

2007-08-07T21:07:00.000-04:00

I'm not sure what happened. Kaylin went to sleep one night a baby and woke up the next morning a little person! All joking aside, the past few weeks have seen some of the most amazing changes in Kaylin. She's changed so much and so quickly and, while it's the funnest thing in the world to watch, it also makes me a little sad to see my "baby" gone for good!

Over the past few weeks, she's begun speaking in full sentences, the most common of which begins with "I want...". My favourite request today was, "I want apple juice in a cup." (Because apparently she disliked the juice box I had offered her earlier.) Her imagination is blossoming before our eyes. She tells us stories about all sort of people and events...both real and fictional...all day ("Dinosaurs fly in sky" she tells me, referencing the dino-shaped hot air balloon we saw last night). She lets me know when she doesn't feel well ("Mommy, my 'beddy' hurts!"). She sings full songs, the most hilarious of which is "Down By the Bay", which tonight included the line, "Did you ever see daddy kissing a goose?"

She's becoming very sensitive to people's emotions, particularly crying babies she hears in the mall ("Baby's cry-ning! She needs sooder!") She's learning the rules and enforcing them on her own ("No pushing daddy!") And she's started asking about things around her, such as "What's that?" or "Who's that?"

And finally, as you can see in the picture above, she put her own boots on today! (On the wrong feet, mind you, but I wasn't even in the room and she did it all by herself!) She looks pretty proud, doesn't she?

Brian and I can't get over how quickly she's developing at this stage. She blows our mind on a daily basis and more often than not, makes us cry from laughter at the things one tiny toddler can dream up.

"That dad"

2007-07-25T00:14:00.001-04:00

Brian asked me tonight why I haven't updated my Blog this week. I told him that I couldn't think of anything to write about. He rightly suggested that I might want to mention what a fantastic father he is.

Well, I thought that was obvious to the world. But perhaps I should elaborate.

Did you know that since I've become a stay-at-home-mom, Kaylin has become, at times, VERY attached to me? So much that when Brian comes down for breakfast or comes home for dinner, Kaylin often runs to me and hugs my leg until she gets used to the idea that daddy is there. Sounds awful, but it only lasts a minute because every single time, Brian does everything in his power to make his little girl giggle or smile, or join him on the sofa, or colour a picture with him. He knows it's just a phase she's going through and doesn't let it bother him. He doesn't use her behaviour as an excuse to make a quick exit and watch TV or do some work. No, each time, he hangs in there, gets in her face, and let's her know that he loves her. He demands kisses and hugs, he asks her how she is and how her day was, and lets her know that he missed her. And if that fails, he tickles her. He doesn't have to feel bad or left out because he knows that within seconds, Kaylin will be squealing with laughter and it will be because of something he did.

Did you know that Brian is "that dad"? You know the one. The one who is a big kid himself. The one who has all the other kids at the party gathered around, laughing with him, playing with him. The one who picks up his daughter and swings her around until she is howling with laughter. The one who all the moms at the mall grin at because he is having such a great time with his little girl and it shows. The one who won't hesitate to roll around on the ground with his toddler or do Muppet impersonations during bath time.

He's the one who lies on his back on the grass beside his two-year-old daughter, points up to the sky and teaches her to see stars and airplanes with her imagination.

Yep, he's really "that dad".

WHATCHA DOOO-ING???

2007-07-12T20:47:00.000-04:00

In the spirit of one of Kaylin's favourite new questions, "whatcha doing?", here are some recent pictures of what she's been doing lately.

Enjoying a FREE! Passion Flakie Mousse at Sunfest last weekend. Ahhh, lard and sugar.

Playing with her "new to her" kitchen. I bought it sight-unseen from someone online. It's in good shape, though the sounds no longer work and none of the accessories were included. But watching her yell "stoppit!!" at the microwave door that won't stay shut made the $25 well worth it.

Watching the men who are STILL pushing dirt around the back of our lot. But this is it! The sod is going in tomorrow morning! Yayyy.

Helping daddy make a blueberry-banana smoothie (or "smoodie"). We now consider the banana "smoodie" one of Kaylin's four major food groups, along with macaroni and cheese, toast, and ice cubes.

Toddler travel highs and lows

2007-07-01T13:57:00.000-04:00

Call me a wimp, but I find traveling with the toddler stressful and tiring. And we only went away for one night!!

Brian and I took Kaylin to Niagara Falls this week for a quick little vacation. Looking back, we had a wonderful time. The weather was beautiful and Kaylin was such a good little girl. But I'm still glad to be home.

Here are some highlights and not-so-highlights from our 28-hour trip.

Highs

Kaylin got her first glimpse of the stunning Niagara Falls.
Kaylin saw killer whales, beluga whales, and seals up close. She got to touch both deer and a snake!
Brian and Kaylin had their first real swim together in the hotel pool.
Kaylin enjoyed her first taste of cotton candy.
Wonderful memories to last a life time.

Lows

Kaylin didn't care about the Falls. She preferred to go up and down the nearby stairs then look at the amazing sites around us. Oh well, maybe next time.
Kaylin fell asleep at 6pm, just as we checked into the hotel. Instead of the three of us going out for dinner as planned, Brian and I quietly ate Chinese take-out on the sofa in our hotel room while Kaylin slept.
Kaylin hardly ate anything all weekend. We even opted for a breakfast buffet one morning, thinking she would certainly be tempted by something delicious. Instead, she danced around our table and refused every morsel we offered, except for a few spoonfuls of oatmeal.
Marineland has barely changed since 1979. And yet it dares to charge $40 per person admission.
Some bold seagulls took Brian's BBQ chicken right off his plate less than 20 seconds after he sat down at our outdoor table. Combine this with the exorbitant price of that crappy lunch and the cranky, not-eating toddler at our side, and this moment was the low point of our trip.

All joking aside, we had a lot of fun on our little jaunt but look forward to a time when Kaylin is just a little older and can enjoy all the sights and sounds a vacation has to offer without falling asleep every four hours.

Here are a few snapshots from the trip.

For BRoqq

2007-06-25T15:39:00.000-04:00

Who IS this BRoqq character, anyway?

Here's your pic, BRoqq.

The big weigh-in

2007-06-25T13:16:00.000-04:00

Well, we did it. We fattened Kaylin up enough this past month to satisfy the doctor that she can, in fact, gain weight like a normal toddler. We've gone nearly bankrupt buying massive amounts of yogurt and cream cheese, but it was worth it. Now she doesn't have to undergo any blood work and I don't have to be grilled by the pediatric dietitian. For now.

In other exciting news, we're finally taking Kaylin to Niagara Falls. Yes, it will be nice for her to see the Falls, one of the Seven Forgotten Natural Wonders of the World (exactly who forgot about them??). But Brian and I are equally excited about taking her to Marvel Superheroes Adventure City and the Hershey Store, respectively. Hey, those things are important too!

Ooooh, that's scary!

2007-06-20T22:07:00.001-04:00

Kaylin "The Ham", as we sometimes call her, is well on her way to becoming a Hollywood star. Here is her latest - something we call the "scary face", though it's really the "scared" face Kaylin makes when she's pretending to be frightened by something.

I'm thinking Oscar Award winner, 2024.

Happy (belated) Father's Day...

2007-06-20T20:49:00.000-04:00

...to the best daddy in the world!

Kaylin loves her some books

2007-06-11T23:39:00.000-04:00

Here's Kaylin "reading" one of her picture books. I'm not sure what the hurry is, but she always reads this one really fast.

Enjoy.

A bit of mother guilt

2007-06-07T10:36:00.000-04:00

Despite what this Blog might have you believe, the life of Kaylin isn't always wine and roses. No, Kaylin actually faces a number of issues which continue to make her life an uphill battle. The main problem (at least as I see it) is ME, her own mother. Maybe it's just a little of what I call "mother guilt," but I feel the need to confess a few roadblocks I've inadvertently placed in the way of K's healthy development.

1. I'm negligent.

Case in point, Kaylin fell into the fountain at the mall last week. I turned my head for a second and in she went. After I yanked her out, I laughed. I laughed my head off for two minutes. OK, so the water was only about 2 inches deep and she only got her shoes and the front of her dress wet, but still...I was being a bad mother.

2. I'm letting her brain turn to mush.

Since we moved, I've done what I always swore I wouldn't do: let my child watch too much TV. (See the picture above. Not only is she staring mindlessly at the TV, but she's in the laundry basket, with laundry on her head!) Maybe I'm not being strict enough and should learn to say "no" more or maybe I just really like watching Dora the Explorer. I'm not sure. But either way, I'm being a bad mother.

3. I'm letting her waste away.

This one may be serious, it's too early to tell. K's doctor is worried because she's not putting on much weight. Yes, she's a thinner toddler. But she's always been long and lean. He's instructed me to give her all the fattening dairy she can eat and don't worry so much about those pesky low-cal fruits and veg. (Never thought I'd hear a doctor tell me that!) Anyway, it's been two weeks now and she hasn't gained an ounce. On one hand, I'm not worried because she's happy, healthy, and smart as a whip and clearly developing well. On the other hand, the mother guilt is becoming all-consuming to the point where I almost break down in tears when she refuses the odd meal. It must be my cooking, the type of yogurt I buy, the way I spread the cream cheese on the toast, the time I serve dinner at....it must be that I'm being a bad mother.

Sigh.

So there you have it. It's off my chest and I feel better already. Thanks for listening. Now, if you'll excuse me, I think Dora is about to start.

Good times (or as K would say, "goot-a goot-a goot-a")

2007-05-22T21:51:00.001-04:00

There are a million recent Kaylin happenings I want to write about but I realize most of you wouldn't read past #329. So here's a brief pictorial list of just some of the fun times K's been partaking in lately.

Playing with all her new friends including Emelia, Cordelia, Paige, and Jacob (below), who Kaylin prefers to call "Jacob-a". Don't ask me.

Playing with her not-so-real friend (though she will name her when you ask her who her friends are) , Sally Sidesaddle, her pink-cowboy-hat-wearing hand puppet.

Running up and down the hills at the park/pond at the end of our street. And if she spots a goose, calling "come goose!!" until the goose flies away in fear.

Hanging at the park. Note, according to Kaylin during her most recent visit to this park, this car is HERS!!!! Other children should try to stay away from it when Kaylin is in the vicinity. I'm surprised she's even allowed these ne'er-do-wells to hitch a ride.

BBQing it up with all her Thornton relatives this holiday Monday, including cousin Bradyn (all the way from BC!), below. Now, you may think Kaylin is attempting a choke hold on her younger cousin, but she is actually going in for a big hug. I swear.

Watching the hot air balloons fly behind our house at dawn. This must be why Kaylin has started getting up at the crack of dawn, to catch those hot air balloons.

A little off the top please

2007-05-11T13:05:00.000-04:00

Inspired by her cousin Bradyn, Kaylin decided it was high time she visit the local beauty parlour for her first haircut. The curls were starting to get a little out of control and mommy wasn't about to scar her child for life by giving her a bad 'do.

This morning we went to Max and Oskar's, a hair salon just for kids. As it was Friday morning, the shop was empty and Kaylin had her choice of fun chairs to sit in, including an airplane, a car, and a motorcycle. But instead, she chose mommy's lap. I began to worry that this was not going to end well. Thankfully we brought along a favourite DVD to watch in the personal player which helped immensely. Kaylin was quiet as a mouse. Ten minutes later, my cutie was sporting shorter, curlier hair and a fancy new hair clip.

While I enjoyed having someone else cut her hair, the best part for Kaylin was probably the balloon she received at the end. She was quite thrilled. Who wouldn't be?

To celebrate her first foray into the world of overpriced haircuts, we met daddy at the newly-opened Cora's for a tasty lunch. While there we celebrated the world of overpriced waffles. Yummy.

Three cheers for good hair!!

Kaylin the fish

2007-05-08T13:03:00.000-04:00

As part of my "keep the toddler busy and away from the TV" strategy, I signed Kaylin and myself up for weekly swimming lessons at a local pool. It's her first experience with swimming, outside of the tiny baby pool we bought for her last year.

I was worried how she would take to the pool, considering hair washing has become a major ordeal lately. But after a few minutes of whining and clinging tightly to my neck, Kaylin relaxed a bit. She even blew bubbles in the water.

Sadly, she seems to be regressing in her aquatic development. Today, during our third trip to the pool, she refused to do almost anything but cling tightly to my neck and squeal "mommmeeeeeee!" I'm not sure what happened to cause her to lose her water confidence again. Do you think it could have something to do with the time during our second week when I accidentally dunked her whole head under water? I'm not so sure.

Maybe next week will be better. Here are a few pics of Kaylin in her bathing suit, or "bay-da-soo" as she calls it. Please ignore the socks!

So what career are you changing to??

2007-04-30T23:22:00.000-04:00

As some of you know, I'm fulfilling a lifelong dream and finally taking a cake decorating course. Yes, I know, it's not a major, life-altering accomplishment, but it's something I've always wanted to try. It's fun and I get to lick icing off my fingers during class. How great is that?

Tonight, the woman who sits across the table from me during our cake decorating class each week asked me what I do. When she asked this, my heart skipped a beat. I had been dreading this moment for some time -- the first time a stranger asked me what I do for a living.

I had always wondered how I would react when someone asked me this. Would I beam, "I'm a stay-at-home mom and I love it!!" (which is the truth) or would I act nervous and embarrassed because I still worry how my new "job" looks to other working women?

Tonight I got my answer and I'm ashamed to say it was the latter. I stammered back to her, "What do I do? As in work?? Oh, I'm a stay-at-home mom." But then I felt the need to qualify my statement with "I just left my job a few months ago to make a career change," as if she would think better of me because, until recently, I was like her...I had a REAL job.

She then replied, "oh, so what career are you changing to?" She actually asked me this twice, because she didn't seem to understand that my new career WAS being a stay-at-home mom.

The entire exchange left me annoyed -- annoyed with myself that I'm still so worried about how other people perceive me and my decision to stay home with my child. Since when do I care about other people's view of me? All that matters is my daughter and how this is the best decision I could make for her and our family, right now.

I know I'm going to face this same situation again many times in the future. And it's still going to be tough for me to answer, at least the first few times. But I'm determined to give a better answer. I'll just muster up my confidence, stick close to my values, and try again to proudly announce, "I'm a stay-at-home mom!"

I think I'll also add, "And I like decorating cakes!!"

A fairytale morning in Storybook Gardens

2007-04-25T13:36:00.000-04:00

When I was a little girl, no summer was complete without a family trip to Storybook Gardens, a "theme park" here in London. Storybook isn't an amusement park by any means, it's a theme park - the theme of which is fairy tales and children's stories. It's changed a lot since I was little. The Hickory Dickory Dock clock is gone, as is the Tweedle-Dum and Tweedle-Dee cutouts (if you don't know what I'm talking about, sorry, but just trust me, they're gone). The park also seems a LOT smaller. But I guess it's me who has grown.

Anyway, I digress. Now that I live here in London, I get to visit Storybook Gardens as often as I want!! And even better, I get to take my own little girl. We had our first visit to Storybook Gardens this past Sunday. It was a beautiful day for what I'm sure is just the first of many trips to the park.

Kaylin loved chasing the ducks and peacocks around. (She's like a dog, that way.) She also liked the giant frogs. As for me, I just loved seeing my baby girl enjoy the same sights and scenes I too enjoyed as a child.

Chez Kaylin, now with 50% less garbage!

2007-04-19T23:17:00.000-04:00

If you've been to our house and looked out into what will one day be our backyard, you would have noticed an inordinate amount of debris and garbage. It appears that the men who built our house (I'm sorry, but no woman would litter like this) decided to toss whatever was left in their hands at the end of their last shift into our yards. Things like nails, caulking guns, coffee cups, chunks of brick and large 30-foot pieces of tubing. Needless to say, our "yard" wasn't a place I let Kaylin venture into.

But excitement of excitements, the debris was cleaned up (or buried under, I'm still not sure) and our topsoil was delivered to our lot this week! It may not sound exciting to you, but we no longer feel like we live in the town dump. And it also means that our sod is just around the corner. Woohoo.

It also meant that Kaylin made some new friends this week. She got a big kick out of watching the backhoe and other dirt-pushing-machine-thingy push dirt onto our lot. (I, however, did not enjoy having a backhoe unexpectedly appear in my living room window, so close that I could see the colour of the driver's eyes, as I sat in my pajamas one morning!) She especially liked it when the men driving the machines spotted her watching them, and waved and honked their horns at her. We call them her "dirt friends." She even parked her chair in front of the door at one point, so she could oversee the whole operation...and of course wave at her dirt friends.

In other thrilling construction-zone-hell news, the builder has moved their "command centre" from directly across the street from us to the end of the street. That means the view from my front door no longer includes a portapotty. Yayy.

Something for Deb and Jen

2007-04-13T10:10:00.000-04:00

Here's a little something for our old friends Deb and Jen from My School (sorry Jen, if you see this - your "message" got cut off a bit!).

New look for I Heart Baby Toes

2007-04-12T20:54:00.000-04:00

So what do you think? Oh, you didn't even notice? Well I chose a new template for this site. I tried several very different looks before going with one that was basically the same layout as the old version, but with new colours and a little font variation. Blogger has limited choice when it comes to design, and I have limited design skills, to boot. The result? You're looking at it!

Down at the pond

2007-04-09T13:13:00.000-04:00

Just a few pics of Kay-Kay picking flowers and chasing geese down at our pond.

You'll notice she's only wearing a sweater in some shots - that's how warm it was that day. Now the ground is covered in snow! Easter snow - it's just not right!!

Congratulations Auntie Sharon!!

2007-04-03T13:41:00.000-04:00

Kaylin is proud to announce that her Auntie Sharon (aka "Sha", as Kaylin calls her) has been awarded second prize by the Alcuin Society Awards for Excellence in Book Design in Canada!! Auntie Sharon won second place in the Reference category for her stunning design of Piano, Piano, Pieno, a cookbook she designed on the job at Harper Collins.

Congratulations Auntie Sharon! We know that project was particularly stressful at times, but look what came out of it! We're so proud of you!!

A month of London

2007-03-30T12:52:00.000-04:00

I can't believe we've been here for a month already. The remaining unpacked boxes scattered throughout the house make it seem like we've been here for less time. And yet, it also feels like we've lived here forever. We're pretty comfortable with this new life.

You can't even call Brian's drive to work a "commute" - it's just a 10 minute drive. And the three of us have had dinner together almost every night since we moved. That's a new world record for us!

And Kaylin and I are having a great time. After being home with her for two full months now, I've finally got a good routine down. We try to get out every morning, whether to run errands, go to the park, or join a playgroup. After lunch she naps like a champ, which gives me my precious two hours a day to clean the house and continue unpacking the aforementioned boxes. The afternoon brings either playing in the house or outside. As we don't have our sod yet, this means playing in the puddles or walking down to the pond and trail at the end of our street. Kaylin enjoys saying "Hi geese!" to the geese who frequent the pond.

Today we went downtown to check out a few baby "boutiques" (I couldn't justify paying $250 for a diaper bag, so nothing was purchased) and then we chased squirrels and played with dry leaves in Victoria Park. It was tough, but someone had to do it! I'm glad it had to be me.

(Here's a picture of Kaylin in front of St. Peter's Cathedral, a beautiful church downtown.)

I Have You

2007-03-28T14:03:00.000-04:00

I first heard the song "I Have You" while I was on mat leave. It's by Canadian songwriter Connie Kaldor and just listening to the lyrics would make me weep. I'm able to listen to it without crying now, but I still think it's one of the most beautiful songs ever. And it captures how I feel about my little baby girl and my decision to stay home with her. Some days are tougher than others, but overall, I love my new role...even if I am wearing five year old running shoes and jeans with holes in the knees.

Here are the lyrics.

I Have You
by Connie Kaldor

Some have furs and fancy cars
But I have you, I have you
Some have silk and caviar
But I have you, I have you
Some have emeralds set in gold
But they can't sit and rock and hold you
Like I do, like I do, like I do

Some have lace and diamonds rings
But I have you, I have you
They always have the latest things
But I have you, I have you
Some are always dressed in style
But they will never catch your smile
Like I do, like I do, like I do

Some have homes on the finest streets
But I have you, I have you
The finest leather on their feet
But I have you, I have you
Some have wine and a castle keep
But they can't watch you drift asleep
Like I do, like I do, like I do

Four wonderful minutes! (An update on Kaylin's general health)

2007-03-22T16:23:00.000-04:00

London is by no means a small town. There are over 325,000 people here. So you'd think that the chances of finding a new doctor for Kaylin, let alone one near our house, are pretty slim.

WELL, not only did we find a great pediatrician for the Kay-Kay, but he is less than four minutes away!! We can walk there on a nice day. This is amazing, considering we used to drive from Ajax to North York -- a 35 minute drive! I can't believe our luck. Yayyyyy London.

In other Kay-Kay health news, our little miss got her first shiner this week after a little too much horsing around on the sofa. (Note, the wacky hair you see has nothing to do with the sofa incident; that's just bad hair.) As the name "toddler" indicates, she's not too steady of her tiny toes sometimes. I'm sure it's just the first in a long line of bruises we'll see.

(By the way, the black eye and the doctor visit were not related, just bad timing on our part. The doctor visit was just a meet and greet. Nothing I like better when meeting a new pediatrician than to have him notice my kid's black eye and ask questions like, "did she lose consciousness when it happened?" and "did she vomit?" Ummm, no and no, but thanks for asking.)

Nineteen months of goodness

2007-03-16T15:16:00.000-04:00

Kaylin is 19 months old today! My, how time flies when you're having fun.

You're probably wondering, "what's Kay-Kay up to these days?" Well, I'm pleased to announce that she now knows her colours and she's also starting to learn her numbers. She knows the words "one" through "ten" but doesn't quite have the counting concept yet. And for all you sports fans out there, she can spot a hockey player a mile away and upon seeing him will exclaim "hockey!!"

Oh, and I almost forgot, the "terrible twos" are starting, including mini tantrums and fake tears. But we're just staying calm and not paying any attention to them, hoping they'll go away. Go away tantrums! Go away!

Here's a pic of Kay doing some finger-painting, a new fave activity.

Home sweet home

2007-03-07T23:18:00.000-05:00

I've been living in a new house, new neighbourhood, new city, new area code now for five days and it feels...good.

Strangely enough, B and I waited about 18 months for our first house to be built. We picked out every cabinet door and every counter top ourselves. We sat in the decor centre for over two hours agonizing over how we should spend what little money we had set aside for upgrades. After all was said and done, that house should have reflected US.

And yet it took us less than 45 minutes to settle on this house, a house that might possibly be even more US than the house we picked and designed ourselves! We drove to London one sunny November afternoon to look at a new and completed spec house and by 3pm that day we had bought this house. There was very little hesitation on either of our parts. And now I know why. After being in the house for 5 days now, we wonder if this was the house we were always meant to own.

We feel really comfortable here. Our furniture actually matches the decor someone else picked out! The views from both the front and back of the house are fantastic (that is until more new homes are built around us.) It's starting to feel like home already.

Of course, as I realized tonight, anywhere that Brian and Kaylin are with me is home. It's nice to be home.

Good bye Ajax, hello London

2007-03-01T22:56:00.000-05:00

(Kaylin tired from all the packing mommy and daddy have made her do.)

(Kaylin celebrating when she heard that London has drive-thru Starbucks.)

It's been fun Ajax! But I gotta go now. Bye!

Happy 18 months Kay Kay!

2007-02-16T14:18:00.000-05:00

Our little beauty is 18 months old today. Happy 1/2 birthday Kay Kay! Love mommy

Give your babies a hug

2007-02-11T20:42:00.000-05:00

All joking aside, I will admit that I've been a little freaked out about the idea of being a full-time mom. Those six months of being back at work reminded me of what life was like before I was completely and permanently responsible for another human being. Those eight hours each day were free and wonderful, I have to say.

So when I thought about the months and years ahead of me, I started to wonder, can I and do I really want to do this?

Today I read something that brought everything back into focus for me and helped me answer my questions with a loud and resounding YES!!!

The article is in today's Toronto Star--the story of a woman my age, a young mother of two little children, who died of cancer. She was diagnosed when her second baby was only four months old and despite months of treatment, the cancer continued to spread. She died on January 28th.

I can't even put into words how the article made me feel. It struck fear into my heart and made my stomach wrench at the thought of something like that happening to me. And it's not about me but about my baby girl and how she would lose her mama. How she'd grow up not knowing the real me - only pictures or video of a woman named "mommy".

So I read this article, looked up at Kaylin and the fog that's been around my head for the past month lifted. I realized that I was being stupid. Life is too damn short. Here's a wonderful chance that not every mother gets. This IS what I want to do. No more joking about how tough it's going to be. No more taking for granted the most fortunate opportunity life has ever handed me. Of course there will be long days, tiring days, boring days and sick days. But they will all be Kaylin days. Who knows how many I will be given.

Job...what job??

2007-02-08T20:53:00.000-05:00

Brian tells me I need to post something, since it's been a week now. Alright then, let me just say this...job, what job?

It certainly didn't take me long to forget work and get back into the swing of things here at home. My last day of work was 12 days ago and I've been an official "stay-at-home mom" for 8 days. I'll admit, there have been a few moments where I've thought to myself, "What have I done? And how can Kaylin shriek so loudly?" And then there's the money, or soon to be no money. I got my last paycheck today, as well as five weeks worth of vacation paid out. Sighhh, so much money....

But who needs it! I have hours and hours of Kaylin all to myself! She is just a riot. The funniest thing has to be the pillows. I've laid out about 9 pillows on our bedroom floor. Kaylin loves to run and fling herself onto them, at full speed, falling face-first right into the middle. Makes me laugh every time.

And then there's the colours. She's starting to learn her colours; she sort-of knows blue, purple (per-po) and pink. But what's funny is that she's heard us say the phrase "what colour is this?" so many times that she now constantly points at things and asks us "colour dis? colour dis?" We can't get enough of it.

And finally, the Backyardigans. If you've seen the cartoon, the five characters spin around in a circle while singing the theme song. Now whenever Kaylin sees the show or even sees a picture of the characters, she starts spinning around and singing her own version of the theme. Too funny.

So, while it's hard when Kaylin doesn't eat her beans or screams because I won't let her eat her crayons, it is really really great to be able to spend more time with her and see the world through her per-po coloured lenses.

We'll miss you daycare

2007-01-31T20:48:00.000-05:00

Six months ago, I started transitioning Kaylin into daycare. On our second day there together, I watched as another woman pushed my baby girl in a stroller, away from me, and into a world where I wasn't needed. I lost it. I turned away so Kaylin wouldn't see me and shook with grief, unsure if I could handle leaving my baby with someone else during the day. I cried for the next hour as each of Kaylin's new daycare teachers consoled me and handed me tissues, assuring me they would take excellent care of my baby.

Today was Kaylin's last day at daycare and I cried again. But for different reasons. As difficult as the past few months have been - getting Kaylin used to daycare, all the sickness that comes with being exposed to so many new kids, leaving her all day - we were fortunate enough to find an amazing daycare. Kaylin learned a lot while there, and most importantly, had so much fun (as you can see here, dancing with her best friend Taylor).

Which made today that much more difficult. It should have been a happy day for me. But I was sad. Sad that Kaylin wouldn't see her teachers and little friends again. The hardest part was saying goodbye to Debbie, one of her teachers and a woman who probably loves Kaylin as much as I do (well, almost).

Each night when I picked Kaylin up, Debbie told me funny stories about that day, often letting me know that Kaylin was "too smart for her own good." Nothing makes a parent feel better than knowing how much others enjoy their child's company.

Kaylin had a grand farewell party today, complete with cake and gifts. But it was tough saying good-bye. Debbie could barely look at Kaylin today without tearing up. And I could barely look at Deb. But finally, at the end of the day, Deb and I hugged good-bye and cried together. We'll miss Debbie and everyone else at daycare.

Welcome Emelia [or: Oh how my maternal clock ticks...]

2007-01-29T14:53:00.000-05:00

First of all, welcome to the world Emelia Lorraine Teeter! You are so beautiful and so lucky to have such wonderful parents. We can't wait to meet you and touch your tiny baby toes.

Now, down to business. How could you do it? I was doing fine up till this point. I was happy with the way things are. And then you came along, looking oh so cute in your teeny yellow sleeper, all peaceful and pink. There you are, in your itsy bitsy pink cap. Emelia, you've got my clock a tickin' again! Just seeing you in the pictures from your parents' site brings back a flood of memories from when Kaylin was born. You've reminded me how amazing it is to give birth to such a perfect little wonder. Emelia, you're makin' me want another baby...now!

Sigh, I'm sure it will pass. First things first...must pack every article we own and move it down the 401. And then maybe I'll start thinking about a sibling for Kaylin. But I'm warning you, when we meet in the next few weeks, I don't want to hear any baby coos from you or see you flash your big, deep blue eyes at me! That's just not fair. Not fair at all.

Goodnight cubicle, goodnight desk...

2007-01-25T20:26:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow is my last day of full-time, "out of the home", work. Not forever, I'm sure. But for a while.

After tomorrow, I'm going to be a full-time mom. I'll admit, my feelings about this change from hour to hour. Naturally, I'm really excited to be able to spend my days with Kaylin, watching her grow and helping her to learn about the world. What better job is there than to spend these early years with your child? I also feel really lucky to have such a supportive husband who is willing to carry the financial weight while I manage the household. Thankfully, we're on the same page when it comes to how we want to raise our children. And my plan is to get into freelance work that I can do from home. So I'm really leaving the working world so much as leaving the traditional work place.

But a part of me is going to miss going to work and that independence I have when I'm there. Going window shopping at lunchtime, grabbing a coffee with a coworker, eating out. Yes, I can do all these things with Kaylin, but not necessarily on my schedule or with the freedom I can when I'm on my own. I won't even mention going to the bathroom on my own.

I'm also fearful that I'll forget "how" to work. Sounds silly, but who knows what things will be like when I return to the working world in a few years. Technology moves at such a pace that email could be obsolete by then! Will I forget how to interview for a job? How will employers perceive the gap in my resume?

I think I'm just feeling wistful about my last days on the job. I'm going to miss the work I do and all the people I do it with. It's been a great six and a half years. But I know that, for me and my family, there is no better option than for me to be home with Kaylin. It is going to be amazing. And by this time next week I'm sure I'll be thinking, "job? What job?"

Going once, going twice....SOLD!

2007-01-17T21:48:00.000-05:00

I'm thrilled to announce (at the risk of jinxing a conditional offer) that our house sold last Friday. Yiipppeee!!! The closing date on this house is March 16, which gives Kaylin enough time to pack up the entire house while I sit on the sofa eating bon-bons and watching Ellen. You're never too young to learn to use a tape gun, I say.

And oh yeah, I only have 7 more days of working for the man left! Then I'll be working for the toddler. I cannot wait. Duties will include taming that friggin' hair on an hourly basis, picking peas up off the kitchen floor, and convincing the toddler that watching the Baby Beethoven DVD for a 16th time is not a good idea. The benefits are good though (including frequent hugs and full access to ten tiny toes), so I don't mind.

First (official) snow

2007-01-14T21:06:00.000-05:00

"Poo poo" and other fine phrases

2007-01-11T21:19:00.000-05:00

How friggin' handy is language? Kaylin now tells us when she's done a number 2! It's awesome. Not that we couldn't detect the offending delivery with our noses or help but notice what looks like a golf ball shoved down the back of her diaper, but now she comes up to us and announces in a soft whisper: "poo poo". I can't get enough of it (the speaking that is, not the poo poo.)

Other handy words and phrases recently added to her repertoire include "pee pee" (sometimes used similarly to above, but more often to name the toilet), "cole" (which means cold), and "no no no no no", which is always accompanied by a hearty shake of the head back and forth.

My favourite word of all right now is "ter-to", meaning turtle. She says a lot of her words in soft little whispers, but "ter-to" is the best. Try it - quietly whisper "ter-to" to yourself as you read this. Ter-to... ter-to... ter-to. Isn't that fantastic?!?

OK, I guess it's not as exciting for the rest of the world. But it's pretty exciting to me (not sure what that says about me).

See ya 2006!

2007-01-03T20:19:00.000-05:00

As Brian will tell you, I'm not a big fan of odd-numbered years. Despite the fact that Kaylin, Brian and I were all born in odd-numbered years, I just don't like them. They make me feel uneasy. So it's with great pleasure that I look back at 2006 (a very even year) and recap my top ten favourite moments.

10. Kaylin gets her first "job". (See Kaylin's feeling "quity") We'll never know if she would have ever received any modeling assignments, but it's still really exciting to think she could have been a baby model. At the very least, it's something she can think of fondly when she hits that awkward not-so-attractive stage of puberty.

9. Always a bridesmaid. Four wonderful people were married this year, and I was lucky enough to stand up in their wedding parties - my brother Dennis and his wife Tina, and our friends Tiffany and Jeff. This, in turn, meant my very first pedicure. Yayy pedicures!

8. I return to work. Yes, I cried and screamed when it was time to put Kaylin in daycare. I didn't think I would survive the separation. But my first few weeks back at work were nothing less than lovely. Everyone was so happy to see me. I got to wear something other than jeans and I went for lunch! (Going for lunch is such an adult thing. Kaylin and I don't go to Milestones together very often.) Returning to work has helped me really appreciate my job, my coworkers, and how lucky I've been to work there for the past six years.

7. I quit my job. Despite the above, it was really fun to quit. OK, so I cried when I told my boss I was leaving, out of shear emotional release, fear of the unknown and sadness about leaving such a great job. But after a few days, it was fun to tell people that I had quit.

6. Kaylin takes her first steps. (See First Steps!) Human toes are miraculous things.

5. Kaylin and I go to the zoo....with daddy, with Auntie Sharon, with Karen, with KK's friends Tasha and Veronika and their mommies, and by ourselves. We definitely got our money's worth from the annual membership. It was particularly amazing watching how Kaylin's reactions to animals changed from visit to visit.

4. Kaylin says her first word - "kitty" - more accurately pronounced "keeeeee". (See Kitties, kitties everywhere) Sadly, in related news, I accidentally put Kitty in the drier last fall and permanently permed her beautiful, fluffy white fur. Kitty is not so cute now. And yet, Kaylin loves her to death.

3. Brian and I decide, after weeks of debate, to pick up and move to London to change our lifestyle and enable me to stay at home with Kaylin. (See The big move)

2. Kaylin cries it out. (See You told me so) I protested. I refused. I never thought I would let my child cry it out. But when your baby decides she won't go to sleep without three hours of rocking each night, your standards drop pretty quickly. Teaching Kaylin to go to sleep on her own was a life saver, for her and for me.

1. Kaylin says "mama" for the first time. [Insert sound of my heart melting here]

Happy New Year everyone!

Merry Christmas!

2006-12-24T11:09:00.000-05:00

Genh! (Translation: "Again!")

2006-12-20T19:56:00.000-05:00

I've had other parents warn me not to teach Kaylin the word "no"to early, lest she pick it up and start using it liberally, as all toddlers do at some point. I'm happy to say that she's still in the head-shaking "no" stage and has not yet learned the actual word. However, there is another word that I wish she hadn't learned until she was eight, and that is "again".

You see, once Kaylin learned "again" (and once we figured out that "genh" meant "again"), she tapped into a new power she had never before experienced. By saying that simple word, she can listen to the same song over and over, she can watch the same show over and over, and she can play the same games over and over. And over and over and over....you see my issue here?

Tonight during bathtime, I read "The Fuzzy Duckling" about ten times in a row. Thankfully it's only five pages long (not a great read, I do not recommend it). Each time the spotted calves' "moos" got louder and the hungry pigs' "oinks got sillier--it's all I could do to stay interested in the storyline!

After that I did the old "here is the church" finger game for her...fifteen times in a row. Funny thing is, I showed her that one a week ago and she did not see the humour in it. Tonight it was apparently amusing. Or maybe she didn't know how to say "again" last week. Who knows.

In other verbal baby news, Kaylin now points to the toilet and says "pee pee". I just think that's hilarious and had to share. :)

A few more pics

2006-12-14T21:39:00.000-05:00

...and in response to a recent post on cousin Brenda's site: I have the cutest baby! (alright, let's agree that BOTH our babies are the cutest and call it a draw. Or we can let the babies wrestle it out at Christmas time...)

Ladies and germs

2006-12-04T13:40:00.000-05:00

Guess who is home sick again today?? Yep. After being home two and a half days last week because of a stomach virus outbreak at daycare, Kaylin is home again today. She's not feeling all that badly, but she had enough of a fever that we were turned away at the door this morning. I wanted to cry. I felt like a bad parent trying to dump their sick kid on their daycare provider. But I know my own child and I know that, except for feeling really warm, she's fine. She's been eating really well and has been playing all morning. Of course, you have to keep the other children in mind too. Were Kaylin sick, I wouldn't want her to pass it on to the others. Better safe than sorry.

In other, happier news, we went to the zoo on Saturday for a quick visit to our primate friends, the gorillas and orangutans. Kaylin had a ball walking around, pointing at the animals, calling the tiger ("tiiiiii-guh!") and just plain being cute. I'm so glad we bought the zoo membership this year. It's definitely been worth it. And for anyone thinking of going to the zoo right now, there are no crowds and the parking is free! Woo hoo!

The big move

2006-11-22T19:50:00.000-05:00

If you haven't heard our big news yet, where ya been? After many weeks of debate, Brian and I have decided to move our little family to London. We're changing our lifestyle and we couldn't be happier (ok, and scared and nervous and excited).

Basically, we want to give Kaylin a better life. As much as we love our daycare (My School is the best!), and all the wonderful things Kaylin's learned there, we want her to be home with mommy while she's still little. Moving to London gets us a smaller mortgage and a chance to pay off our debt. It also gives daddy a great new job and a shorter commute - which means we can actually eat dinner together at night. Yayy!

And for the love of god, make the ear infections stop!! We hope that less exposure to other snotty-nosed friends (Kaylin is no exception) will reduce the odds of her getting sick while she's still so young.

We also want her to be closer to her grandparents. The last thing we want is for her to turn to us when she's 20 and ask "what was meme like?" or "was grandpa like dad?" B's parents are right in London while my parents are about an hour away. Life's too short to not know your grandparents.

Of course, this move comes with a price. We're moving farther away from my sister, brother and sister-in-law, who live here in the GTA. We're going to miss the Noonies and Auntie Sweater terribly. But we figure they're younger than the grandparents and can visit us more often. I'm also leaving my job, which makes me incredibly sad. Being off for a year really gave me perspective and showed me what a great organization I work for and how wonderful my coworkers are. I also enjoyed wearing something other than jeans and t-shirts for a change. I'll have to start making more of an effort in the wardrobe department when I leave.

Well, that's the news. As soon as we sell our house, we're packing up and hitting the road. We'll see some of you more often and some of you less. But rest assured, you'll see more of Kaylin and her toes, here on this Blog. Stay tuned!

Happy (belated) Halloween!

2006-11-02T08:47:00.000-05:00

From K-K, the scarecrow

Check me out!

2006-10-24T07:15:00.000-04:00

Kaylin is proud to announce that she has her own chair and that she thoroughly enjoys sitting in it. "Tah dah!" she adds.

New modes of transportation

2006-10-23T13:46:00.000-04:00

Just two new pics showing Kaylin and her two new favourite modes of transportation: walking and riding in the wagon.

A fond farewell

2006-10-17T11:37:00.000-04:00

All good things must come to an end, right? Well, it was with much sadness that I stopped nursing Kaylin this past week. Despite a rough start, we had almost 15 months of nursing success. I'm so thankful that things worked out so well. What a wonderful way to bond with my baby girl.

I found nursing particularly special since Kaylin really isn't an overly affectionate baby. Each nursing session let me be close to my independent little lady without her struggling to get away. That's not to say that we don't get the odd hug from her. But unless she's really tired, Kaylin-hugs usually lasts less than 2 seconds. Sighh, unrequited love.

We've been slowly weaning since she started solid foods. As of October, we were down to one feeding at bedtime, which was a nice way to end her day. I worried that the last "session" would be more difficult and filled with tears (on my part, not hers). But it came and went with little fanfare.

I tried not to think of it as an ending, but an opportunity for us to find new ways to be close. I now enjoy giving Kaylin a warm sippy cup of milk at night. Holding her in my arms as she lays back and gulps away is almost as nice as nursing. And she actually looks me in the eye when she drinks, instead of pinching my arm skin as she tended to do while nursing.

So a fond farewell to nursing!

(PS - If anyone wants to go out for dinner or a movie, I'm now free between 7 and 8pm each night!)

Happy anniversary mommy and daddy

2006-10-12T21:21:00.000-04:00

It's me, Kay-Kay. Just wanted to say happy 5th wedding anniversary (on Friday) to my mommy and daddy. I can't believe there was really a life before me, but whatever you say. I'm really glad you guys decided to have kids. I think I'm pretty lucky to be your daughter - you are fun.

Love,
Kaylin

Gobble gobble

2006-10-05T23:09:00.000-04:00

One of the funniest things about having a baby in daycare is the art projects Kaylin "makes" each week. Over the last month our fridge door has featured a picture of a car with marker scribbles on it, a construction-paper raindrop delicately dappled with blue fingerpaint, and a yellow bus with its wheels glued where the windows would normally be. One of my favourites was a baggie of paper bits and sparkles stapled to a styrofoam soup container. I really had no clue what this craft was, and had to ask one of the teachers. It was a hot air balloon, of course!

Well, our little artist has made our Thanksgiving centerpiece this year. Tom the Turkey may not be easy on the eyes, but he sure does make my heart melt.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone, from Kaylin and Tom!

The joys of daycare

2006-09-25T21:44:00.000-04:00

For those of you who tune in regularly (all three of you), you'll know that I've regretably returned to work while Kaylin has started daycare. It's been tough. I miss my days with my baby girl. When the weather is nice, as it was this morning, I long for the chance to go for a walk with Kaylin in her stroller and admire the fall colours. And when I'm feeling extra drowsy at work. I wish it was nap time so that mommy could have a nap too.

Alas, there are bills to pay, as I always say. Daycare does have its benefits, though. Kaylin started walking just before she began but was slow to practice her steps. Now, with all her little friends walking around, she's feeling the pressure. She's toddling all over the house now and even broke into what I would call a "speed walk" tonight.

She's also picked up lots of new signs. She knows to sign "more", "please", and "all done" during dinner time. She's also brought home the sign for "frog" and even has actions to show us when we all sing "Twinkle Twinkle" and "The Itsy Bitsy Spider". It's really exciting to know that she is learning new things every day.

Of course, Kaylin has also picked up something very bad at day care: a cold and ear infection. It's taken us over a week, but after two trips to the walk-in clinic, we seem to have this thing beat.

As for me, I've learned that I have a very special little girl and that the days just aren't the same without her.

A few pics

2006-08-30T10:53:00.000-04:00

Just a few pictures of "Kay-Kay", as Kaylin calls herself when she sees photos of her adorable little face, including one of her brushing her teeth with daddy and one with her wearing her very first black t-shirt. Now she's just like mommy!

Kaylin's feeling "quity"

2006-08-23T20:31:00.000-04:00

In an attempt to be more like her daddy, Kaylin quit her first job this week. Many of you don't know this, but Kaylin was a baby model...sort of. Let me explain.

Last month, the three of us were in Toronto for a visit to the Beaches, our old neighbourhood. It was a Tuesday. Tuesdays are also the day Sutherland Models' children's division, Kamera Kids, holds its weekly open call for new models. On a whim (and since we were already in town), Brian and I decided to see what baby modelling is all about. We really didn't think anything would come of it.

Well, of the ten or so children there, Kaylin was among three selected to join the agency. We were shocked (but not really, because she really is so cute, and I'm not just saying that because she's mine...ok I am). She might have the opportunity to do catalogues, print advertising and tv commercials.

I knew then that I was going back to work in September. But we thought, hey, what the heck. Maybe she'll land a $20K Baby Gap ad and I won't have to go back to work!

Maybe she'll land a $20K Baby Gap ad and I won't have to go back to work!

Ha ha. And then I woke up.

Unfortunately, the summer is the "off season" and the agency already has lots of baby girls on their roster. The Gap never called, nor did anyone else, and so I had to make a decision -- do we keep waiting around for Kaylin to get a modelling job (may never happen) and give up my job (a sure thing)? Or do we pretend it never happened and go back to our hum drum, non-modelling lives?

Hum drum won. And so, this week, Kaylin resigned from the agency. But if you hurry, you can still see her picture on their website (and not a great picture either -- see my site for those!!) -- www.kamerakids.com

D-Day

2006-08-22T19:40:00.000-04:00

It's here. The day I've been dreading for over a year now: Kaylin's first day at daycare. As the first day of a two-week transition into our daycare, Kaylin and I spent an hour there this morning. While Kaylin had lots of fun playing with a room full of toys she'd never seen before, I was not so joyous. In fact, shell-shocked about describes how I felt.

I imagined this morning would be calm and quiet. I pictured a nice little meeting with Kaylin's daycare provider, telling her all about our normal routine, what Kaylin likes and doesn't like, what words and signs she knows. Then the provider would look at me, notice the worry and concern in my eyes, gently touch me on the shoulder and say, "It's all right mom, we're going to take wonderful care of your little angel."

Instead we arrived to loud children's music, a crying baby, and seven other little ones scrambling around crashing toys and other plastic objects to the ground. It probably took me about five minutes before I even considered putting Kaylin down. I was sure she would instantly turn around and give me the "pick me up" arms. But she didn't. She wandered over to a new-to-her toy and began playing. That made me feel a lot better.

In fact, she seemed to have a lot of fun this morning. She probably thinks we were at some fun place where kids meet to play for a while. Little does she know that she's going back there again tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day...

I'd better bring a box of Kleenex tomorrow.

Cake and cows

2006-08-18T10:34:00.000-04:00

Kaylin has been (unknowingly) enjoying an entire birthday week. Almost everyday, she receives new packages to open and a new toy or book to enjoy.

Birthday week began at Grandma and Grampa G's house, where Kaylin was showered with gifts from Grandma and Grampa and Uncle Chris and Auntie Annette. She also enjoyed a healthy banana and yogurt "cake" while the rest of had totally unhealthy but delicious birthday cake. Also this week, Kaylin received a visit and a wonderful book from my friend Joanna, an adorable online Hallmark card from our neighbours who are out east right now, a wind-up (i.e. no batteries needed, yayy!!) TV from our other neighbours, a beautiful outfit and fun bath toys from our friends Nika and Andrea, and several wonderful books from Brian's business partner Pete. Thanks everyone!! You made Kaylin's birthday so special.

On Wednesday (the Big Day) I took Kaylin to one of her favourite places, the Toronto Zoo, where we saw giraffes, and gorillas, shared applesauce, and rode the Zoomobile. Kaylin also made the sign for "bird" at every pesky seagull she saw. Just after we arrived home, Kaylin received a beautiful bouquet of flowers with two balloons and two teddy bears from Meme and Pepe. She loves waving the balloons around and making the "sniff sniff" sign for flowers whenever we pass the bouquet.

That night Kaylin enjoyed her first birthday cake, a bizarre sugar-free recipe I found in one of my baby books. It wasn't bad, but I prefer the traditional cake myself! After cake Kaylin, daddy and I opened her gifts and played with her new Fisher-Price barnyard. She loves opening and closing the barn doors, dropping the animals into the hay loft, and laughing hysterically when the chicken makes its cluck-cluck noise. I love watching her face as she plays and discovers something new every time.

The best year of my life

2006-08-16T00:24:00.000-04:00

Today (Aug 16) is Kaylin's 1st birthday. I can't believe it - where did the time go? Just yesterday I was at the hospital with a big belly and now I have a one year old who loves books and knows the sign for "hat." It's crazy.

I won't dwell on this momentous occasion, lest I flood the keyboard with sappy mom-tears. Let's just say this has been the best year of my life and I'm looking forward to dozens more.

Happy birthday my little angel! Love, mommy

I'm pointing at you!

2006-07-27T22:27:00.000-04:00

First steps!!!!

2006-07-27T11:06:00.000-04:00

It's official! Kaylin took her very first steps yesterday. We knew it was a matter of days until she did it, but I didn't expect it to just happen...in the kitchen...while I rinsed peas. That's not how it happens on TV!

How do people ever catch their children's first steps on camera? You'd have to be on standby for days, just hovering over your baby with the video camera in your tired, shaking hand. Needless to say, we did not do that, so I have no picture or video for you. But it went something like this:

Kaylin: [stands, crouches, stands, crouches, stands with arms stretched wide]
Mommy: [puts peas down, approaches Kaylin with arms stretched wide]
Kaylin: [takes first steps into mommy's arms]
Mommy: "Bwaaaaaaaahhhh, you did it! You did it! Bwahhhhhhhhhhh!" [continues bawling for five minutes]

It was one of the most amazing moments of my life.

Kitties, kitties everywhere!

2006-07-13T11:11:00.000-04:00

Great news for all you cat-lovers out there; Kaylin has said her first official word, and it's "kitty". While she may have pronounced the "words" dada and mama a few months ago, she never made the connection to Brian or me. But now, when she sees her white stuffed kitty that meme gave her, she points emphatically and says, "ki-eee!"

It's like that scene from "The Miracle Worker" when something clicks in little Helen Keller's mind as Anne Sullivan holds her hand under the water pump in the yard and she begins to understand language. "She knows! She knows!" we scream throughout the house, "She understands!" (OK, so it's not quite that dramatic, but still thrilling nonetheless!)

Kaylin knows more words too. While she looks through her favourite picture books, we can ask "where is the apple/banana/puppy?" and she points at the correct image. It's amazing!

The funniest word, however, is "duck". For months I've been singing the song "Five Little Ducks" to her, which includes me making quacking motions with my hands. Now when we say the word "duck" to Kaylin, she quacks her little hands! It's sign language at its finest. She also waves and claps on command.

She's our own little trick pony! I always wanted a pony.

Tick tick tick ...

2006-07-08T22:39:00.001-04:00

The clock is ticking for Kaylin and me. In less than two short months, I'll be back at work and my little baby will be in day care. Our glorious days together are numbered, and the worst part is -- she doesn't have a clue.

That has to be the absolute hardest part: knowing that Kaylin won't understand what's going on. Why is mommy suddenly not there? Where did she go? As far as she is concerned, things are how they are. Kaylin and mommy spend every day together. That's life, the only life she's ever known.

Unfortunately, the mortgage doesn't get smaller on its own and the line of credit won't pay off itself. So with heavy hearts, we're sending Kaylin to day care. It will probably be harder on me than her, or at least that's what I tell myself when I can't bear to imagine how those first few difficult days will be. But I know she's going to a great place, with care providers who believe the same things we do and who will respect and love our child (maybe not quite as much as we do). She's going to grow and learn so much. And she'll be surrounded by other active kids and lots of fun and challenging toys.

As for me, I'm going to be sad. There's no other way to put it. I will be terribly and utterly sad. What began as the most challenging year of my life has become the most joyous. Kaylin is a wonderful, happy baby and a pleasure to be with. So until that day care day comes, I'll continue to enjoy every little moment, marvel at every new discovery, laugh at every hilarious expression, and snuggle into every warm hug. I'm going to make every second last!

Zooming along

2006-07-04T13:44:00.000-04:00

I've got about 2 minutes before my little angel wakes from her nap, so I'm just going to post a quickie. Here's a pic of Kaylin walking with her car (a hand-me-down from cousins Josh and Kim). She zips and zooms around the house like a pro now. (Special thanks to cousin Kiera for demonstrating the joys of walking a few weeks ago!)

Go, Kaylin, go!

And happy belated Father's Day!

2006-06-21T10:44:00.000-04:00

Happy first day of summer!

2006-06-21T10:41:00.000-04:00

Love,
Kaylin, the Bathing Beauty